Faith, Hope, and Love
by SheeWolf85
Summary: Sequel to Give Me a Sign. Begins two years after GMAS. Jake and Ness continue to build their relationship and overcome both individual and shared obstacles. AU/AH, J/N, M for language and sexual content. Complete.
1. The Reason

A/N: Hello, my fantastic readers! First, let me emphasize that this is the sequel to Give Me a Sign. If you have not read it yet, not much in this story will make a whole lot of sense.

This story begins two years after the end of Give Me a Sign. I am not sure yet how long it will be. I anticipate around ten chapters, but we will see how things go.

I will say this only once. Consider it a disclaimer for all of these chapters. I don't own any recognizable characters. They belong to Stephenie Meyer. The ones you don't recognize from the saga are mine.

Enjoy!

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><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter One

The Reason

_I've found a reason for me  
>To change who I used to be<br>A reason to start over new  
>and the reason is you<em>

-The Reason – Hoobastank

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><p><em><strong>Jacob<strong>_

It started out like any other morning when I didn't have to go to work. Nessie and I got up, had a light breakfast, took our pills, then spent a few minutes making out in the kitchen. I thought about fucking her on the counter before she pushed on my shoulders and said she had an appointment with a client for a flower arrangement she needed to go to.

My brow furrowed. "I thought they came here?"

She nodded and licked her lips. "Yeah, normally they do. I talked to you about this last week, though, remember?"

I thought back to the week before. I did remember her saying something about meeting a lady at the church where Leah and Sam had been married. It was a safe place; very few windows. "Yeah. Okay. What time do you need to be there?" I dipped my head to kiss her neck.

She raised her chin as she answered. "Eleven o'clock. Jake . . ." Her hands were needy against my shoulders, but she kept telling me she needed to stop.

I sighed and pulled back again. "All right; you win. Go get ready. I expect you back here as soon as you're done." I patted her ass and kissed her lips.

She smiled and nodded. "You can count on it." She got my ass as she slipped away to get ready.

I'd had plans for the day, but I'd forgotten all about this thing of hers. I was a little disappointed that I wouldn't get to do everything I wanted, but I figured I could still work around it and get to the ultimate goal. As long as it all ended the way I thought it would, everything would be okay.

Ness came out in a long sleeved white shirt and blue jeans. She was always sexy, there was no doubt about that, but somehow the last few weeks she'd been irresistible. I knew it was because of the things that would very soon take place between us, but sometimes it was hard to believe that this one woman could have such an effect on me. I wanted her in every way I could possibly have her; physically, mentally, emotionally . . . all of it.

"You're staring at me again," she said with a smile. I'd been doing it more and more often lately.

I blinked and smirked as I walked up to her. "You know you like it."

"Should I pose?" Her arms reached up to hold my shoulders.

I nodded. "Preferably naked on your hands and knees with your ass in the air." I raised my eyebrows.

She kissed my chest. "Maybe when I get back."

I chuckled and kissed her hair. "I love you, Ness. Have a good time, but hurry home, okay?"

"Okay. I love you, too. I should be back in about an hour, I think. I'll call or text if I'm going to be longer." She pulled away from me to pat herself down and make sure she had everything. She still never carried a purse. I had asked her about it once, and she said she was nervous she would leave it somewhere. She felt it was safer to just carry what she needed in her pockets or her bra. That conversation had started a strip search just for the hell of it. I found a lot of interesting things in her boobs that day, including some chapstick, her cell phone, and her driver's license.

"I'll be waiting, just sitting here all lonely until you come back." I tried to give her the sad puppy look. She just smiled and stood on her toes to kiss me.

"Don't be silly; you have Faith to keep you company."

"You're heartless, you know." I pulled her a little closer with my hands on her hips. "Hell bent on torturing me with your absence."

She hummed. "Yeah. I spend every waking moment devising my next plot to bring you to your knees." She licked her lips and slid her hands up my chest.

Dammit, I wanted to fuck her. "I knew it. Do you have ten minutes?"

She hesitated on her answer. "What time is it?"

I checked my watch. "Ten-thirty." I pouted. It didn't take long to get to the church, but she'd be pushing it if she didn't leave soon.

She took a deep breath and stepped back. "I'm sorry."

"Don't start that. Just get back as soon as you can." I pulled her close again and hugged her tightly. "Drive safe."

She nodded and kissed my chest. "I will. Love you."

"Love you, too."

She called Faith and got a wet dog-slobber kiss before she put on her jacket and left.

It wasn't often that I said goodbye to her like that. I was usually the one leaving for work. I sighed and went back to the bedroom. Nessie'd gotten her driver's license again a year ago. She'd said she didn't want to have to bug people when she needed to go somewhere, but eventually confessed to me that she wanted that little bit of independence. I couldn't blame her. She couldn't rely on the public transit system with her condition, so a car was the most reasonable choice. She saved up the money from her flower business, and we both went half in on a down payment for a green Honda that she liked. It had been a good car with very few issues.

I opened the closet, reached a shelf I knew Nessie couldn't get to without a step-stool, and pulled down the little black box. Even as sure as I was that Nessie would like the ring I'd gotten, I was still nervous. I sat on the bed and opened the box to look at the white gold band and the three little diamonds sitting on top. As I inspected it for the millionth time, Faith jumped up beside me. I smiled and patted her head.

"What do you think?" I asked her. I showed her the ring. "Think she'll say yes?"

Faith made a sound like a cross between a whimper and a bark and laid down with her head on my lap. She licked my hand twice and sighed a huge sigh.

I patted her side. "Yeah, I guess you're right. She's been waiting two years for this."

We sat there together for a while. I closed the box and rested my head against the headboard as I thought about everything that had led me to decision I'd made almost a month ago.

Nessie and Leah grew closer throughout Leah's pregnancy. Leah was more irritable than I'd ever seen her due to the hormones and forced bed rest, but she still somehow found a way to be nice to Ness. Nessie went over once a week to help clean the house or whatever else Leah and Sam needed. She and I helped set up the nursery as well. She was so excited to be a part of it.

There had been a few scares during the pregnancy. Nessie and I were there whenever Leah needed us, and eventually little Joshua Michael Uley was born. He was happy and healthy and perfect. Even I couldn't say it wasn't a little miraculous.

Watching Nessie hold the baby had a strange effect on me. There was some really deeply hidden part of me that wondered what it would be like to see her hold our baby.

Nessie officially started her flower business after Leah asked her to make some arrangements for Joshua's baby shower. She had almost a dozen requests just from Leah's mom's friends within the first month.

It was amazing how time and experience could change a person's perspective. I'd never liked kids before Joshua. They were dirty, noisy little creeps designed to drive parents insane. Joshua was no different at first. I didn't mind being around him for a little while, but that kid could scream. It was around his first birthday that I realized I actually kind of liked the fucker. Not that I wanted one of my own, but he was crawling and babbling and sort of cute. He'd developed a full head of black hair and had light brown eyes like his dad. He was especially charming when he went out in the yard and found a few worms for his mom. They were nothing more than crushed jelly by the time he got them to her, but it was the thought that mattered.

Nessie was adorable with the little guy. He was nearly two years old now and already turning into a punk like his mother.

Although both Nessie and I still had our bad days, they were getting fewer and farther between. She still had nightmares and breakdowns on occasion. We went to therapy every other Friday, and we went to see our parents' graves at least once a month. She was stronger than I'd ever seen her before, and it was stunning. She stood up to me when it was important to her, but she also knew when to back down and give me the space I needed. She knew when I told her I'd be back sometime that I just needed to cool off and calm down, then we'd be able to talk about whatever the fuck had happened. It was usually something stupid that was easily fixed when we were both in the right mindset. I'd stopped taking my car after she begged me for the third time, terrified of what could happen when I was upset. I walked instead, and found that it actually helped me calm down faster.

Faith was a big part of Nessie's success. We both worked on the changing dynamic that adding a dog created, and it only got us closer. Nessie was disappointed when Dr. Furst explained kids were still a distant future for her.

There was never a dull moment with Ness. She could be pretty damn creative when she wanted to be, and I only encouraged it. Still, the best sex with her was often the spontaneous times in bed either before the day started or after it ended.

It was a month ago when something significant happened that made me realize how much everything had changed. Looking back, it really wasn't that momentous. Ness and I had taken Faith to a dog park for a few minutes to let her run and play. Nessie loved to get in the dirt and roll around with all the animals. She was laughing and smiling and so fucking beautiful. She glanced up at me from her place on the grass and gave me the sweetest look. It was that look she gave me. It was fleeting, maybe only a second or two, but as I watched her, I realized how much I truly wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. Her timer had gone off a few minutes later, and we took Faith home.

That day started a kind of a frenzy. I never mentioned anything about my new discovery to Ness because I wanted to make sure I could give her the best damn proposal possible. She'd put up with me and all my shit for so long; she deserved something really special.

I did tell Leah about it. I couldn't hold it in. I'd never been more excited or nervous about anything. Of course she said she already knew, but I was pretty sure she was bluffing. I went to four different places that talked about engagement rings before I found the one I wanted.

So there I sat, waiting for Nessie to come home so I could show her just how romantic a living room picnic could be. I sighed and looked at the clock beside the bed. It wasn't even eleven o'clock yet. I smiled to myself as I revised my plan. I'd have everything set up when she got back and surprise her.

I pushed the coffee table into the dining room and spread a blanket out on the floor in front of the couch. I set some candles on the entertainment center for later, then went to the kitchen to get everything together for lunch. I had a bottle of wine, too, just to put the topper on the cake. Nessie had given me a weird look when I bought it, but I made up the excuse that I wanted to cook with it. She seemed convinced.

At eleven-thirty, I made some sandwiches and cut them into squares, got some grapes and cheese, and texted Ness to see if she knew when she might be back. I waited impatiently until she replied saying she was just about ready to leave. I set everything up on the blanket in the living room and put Faith outside to make sure she didn't eat anything. I put out some fancy wine glasses, too, and stood back to admire my work. As I stood there, I tried to think of anything else I might need. I checked everything off on my fingers. Romantic picnic food? Check. Wine? Check. Music? Shit. I had no idea what to put on, so I made a quick decision and grabbed the second sexy music CD Ness and I had made. She had wanted something with some mellower "making love" kind of music. I figured it would fit at least the romantic part of what I wanted.

I started my checklist over again as _One Man's Dream_ by Yanni started to play. Sappy music? Check. Ring? I reached in my pocket and almost panicked when I realized I'd left it on the bed. I ran down the hall to grab it, shoved the box in my pocket, and sprinted back to the living room just in time to hear her pull up. My heart was beating a million miles a minute with anticipation. I really just wanted to give her something she would like.

I cleared my throat and looked down at myself. I was just wearing my black jersey shorts. I grimaced as I wondered if maybe I should have dressed up a little. It's not every day a guy like me proposes. I took a deep breath and let it go. She liked these shorts.

I shifted my weight back and forth as I stood a few feet from the front door waiting for her. It seemed like ages before she finally came in. The door all but slammed behind her, and I noticed immediately that something was wrong. Her hands shook as she wiped her face and took d a deep breath.

"You okay, Ness?" I asked.

She jumped ant looked at me, her eyes wide and terrified for a few seconds before she relaxed and all but threw herself at me. I hugged her tightly.

"Oh, Jacob. It was horrible. I have never met a more insensitive asshole in my life."

"Who is he and where can I find him?" I was ready to go hunting.

She laughed a little and shook her head before she pulled back. "He is a she, and she could be rotting in hell right now for all I care." She wiped her eyes again. "It was the lady I met today at the church." She took her jacket off and walked past me like she was going to sit on the couch. She stopped in her tracks when she saw what I'd done. "What's all this?"

I stepped behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. "I thought we could have a romantic picnic since it's Saturday and we don't have anything else to do." I dipped my head and kissed her shoulder. "Let's talk about what happened first, though."

She nodded and straddled my lap on the couch. "Where's Faith?"

I held her hips lightly. "She's outside. She'll be fine, baby; I just didn't want her to eat everything before you got home."

She nodded and leaned in to rest against me. "I wish I hadn't gone. It was so terrible." I rubbed her back and let her get it out. She kissed my neck. "I thought I was used to the way people treated me, but this was so much worse. And, I guess when I'm with you, people are a lot nicer."

"That's because they know I'll kick their asses if they're not."

I felt her smile against my shoulder. "This woman didn't seem to care about anything. Things started out okay; we talked about what kind of flowers she wanted and how big she wanted the arrangements, then she started asking me why I couldn't meet her in my shop like a normal person." She paused to sniffle and take a few breaths. "I explained that I didn't have a shop, and she immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was a fraud. I even showed her my business license and told her why I didn't have a real shop. Oh, did I ever screw up."

I hugged her tightly. "You didn't screw up, Ness. This lady was obviously looking for things to discredit you with. Some people are like that, unfortunately." I still wanted to find her and make her regret it. Woman or not, nobody hurt my Ness.

She pulled back and ran her fingers through her hair. "I know. It just really hurt, especially when she said I obviously wasn't capable of doing things normally because I was a pasty white freak."

I hated that word. _Freak_. Where Ness was concerned, there wasn't a worse insult. I ran my hands up her arms to her shoulders and pulled her in to kiss her, then I framed her face with my hands and met her eyes.

"I'm sorry she hurt you, baby."

She held my wrists, her thumbs grazing the backs of my hands, and smiled. "Thank you."

"I love you."

"I love you, too." She kissed me deeply. "How attached are you to this picnic?"

I knew what she was asking. If it were any other situation, I would have given in. "Extremely. In fact, I think we need to start eating right now."

She raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

I nodded. "Yes, really." I patted her hip, and she got up.

We sat down on the floor against the wall. I poured us each a glass of wine, then I handed her a sandwich square. She seemed confused for a minute, but went with it. I hoped she didn't think I was trying to avoid fucking her. I suddenly became hyper aware of the ring box in my pocket. I wanted to pull it out right away, slip it on her finger, and get her naked. At the same time, I wanted all of this to be perfect. She deserved perfect.

"This is really nice," she said softly. "I like the music you picked, too."

I smiled. "Yeah?"

She nodded and leaned in to kiss me. "Yeah."

I realized as I tried to decide how I would bring everything up that I didn't have a speech prepared. I had no idea what the fuck to say to her. I needed to build up to it, I knew that much. In all the sappy romance movies we watched together, there was always a speech before the ring. I stalled through two full songs while we commented on the food and the wine. When _The Reason_ by Hoobastank began to play, I got an idea. I just hoped I didn't make a fool of myself. I pulled Ness a little closer with my arm around her shoulders and kissed her head.

"You know, Ness, I remember a long time ago—before I met you—I was a pretty big asshole."

She looked up at me. "What?"

"Yeah, I didn't care about people. I mean, I cared about my dad, but that was it. Then I kind of cared about Leah. It was you, though, that really changed me." I kissed her lips. "You've always made me want to be a better person."

She smiled. "You, too."

"I think I am. I'm a better man all around thanks to you, baby. You're my reason."

She tilted her head to the side. "That's so sweet. You're my reason, too. You made me want to be stronger and more confident."

I cleared my throat and told myself not to throw up before I asked the actual question. I shifted and got on to my knees in front of her. "I really love you, baby."

"I love you, too."

I took her left hand and reached in my pocket. I took a deep breath and went for it. I pulled the box out. "Will you marry me?" I opened it for her.

She gasped and leaned back so quickly she hit the wall with a thump. Her hands covered her mouth for a second as she stared at the ring. Just as I was about to start panicking, she looked up and met my eyes. I had my answer.

"Oh, my God!" she cried. Tears spilled down her cheeks. "Oh, Jake . . . I . . . really?"

I smiled and pulled the ring out to put it on her finger. "Would I even begin to joke with you about this?"

She shook her head and pushed herself forward to throw her arms around my neck. "Yes, Jake. My answer is yes. I will marry you."

I held her tightly. "I love you so fucking much, Nessie."

She sniffled. "I thought this would never happen. I hoped, and I wished, and I dreamed, but I never believed."

I pushed her back a little so I could see her face. "Are you happy?"

She laughed once. "I can't even begin to describe to you how thrilled I am right now." She lifted her left hand to look at the diamonds. "It's so beautiful." She looked up at me and put her hand on my cheek. "Thank you."

I took her wrist and turned my head to kiss her palm. "Don't thank me, Ness. I'm not asking to do you a favor. I really want to make you my wife."

Her lips trembled. "You'll be my husband." Her voice broke. More tears fell, but the look in her eyes and the smile on her face told me how happy she really was.

I shifted to sit against the wall again and pulled her on top of me. She straddled my legs and wrapped her arms around my neck. "When do you want to get married?"

She sniffled and shrugged. "I don't know. Soon. Right now?"

I chuckled and leaned in to kiss her. "I'd like that, too. Don't you want a ceremony, though? Reception?"

"Yeah, I guess. I want to get married outside. Can we do that?"

I sucked in a slow breath and tried to come up with something quickly. "We'd have to plan something in the rain. Or we could wait until it snows, sometime in December."

She frowned. "That's three months away."

"It would give us time to plan it and come up with an alternative in case outside doesn't work." December was looking better and better the more I thought about it. "I want you to have everything you want, Ness. That includes the elaborate ceremony and reception. Don't make me plan something less than perfect because you want it to happen sooner."

She smiled and nodded. "Okay. December would be fine. It'll be cold, though."

"Yeah, but the snow will be romantic. I'll keep you toasty warm."

She kissed me deeply for a moment. "You always do."

My hands slid down her back to her hips and pulled her in tightly. She moaned softly into my mouth. I lifted her shirt over her head and removed her bra, then I turned us over to lay her down on the carpet. She held my shoulders tightly and wrapped her legs around me. She didn't let me go until she had to so I could get the rest of our clothes off and get a condom. I took my time with her, focusing on what I knew pleased her to make her cum. Once she had, she pushed on my shoulders and asked me to turn over. She got on top and did the same for me.

We laid together on the living room floor for a while. Nessie curled herself against me with her left hand on my chest so she could see her ring. She sighed happily and kissed my neck.

"I can't wait to show Leah and Melanie."

Nessie and Izak's wife, Melanie, had become good friends after they met at my birthday party two years ago. I squeezed my arm around Ness. "Leah already knows."

She leaned up on her elbow. "You told her?"

I shrugged. "I had to tell someone."

She nodded and laid back down. "How long ago did you decide to ask me?"

"A month ago. I had to plan it right, though. I couldn't just ask."

"Why not?" She snuggled closer and put her leg over mine.

I rubbed her back lightly. "Because I'm not usually a romantic guy, and I wanted to give you something you'd like."

She hummed. "I see. Well, I beg to differ, Jake. I think you're very romantic."

I pulled her on top of me. "I said I'm not _usually_ romantic."

She smiled and kissed me. "Yes you are. We should let Faith back in." She gave me one more quick kiss before she got up and put her clothes back on. I sighed and got up after her to pick up the living room while she let the dog in.

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><p>AN: Thank you for reading! I'd love to know what you think!

I've been considering something, and I'd like to get my readers' thoughts on it. I've seen other authors take questions for their characters. I am wondering if this is something that my readers would be interested in. They could be questions for any of my characters, be it Give Me a Sign, Blood Moon, or an o/s. More than likely, I would take them through my existing Tumblr, although I'm considering creating a new one just for character questions. It depends on the response I get. If it is something you would be interested in, please say so either in your review or a PM. Thank you :)

I'm on Twitter, SheeWolf85


	2. I Turn to You

A/N: Hi, there! Thank you for the amazing response to chapter one; I was blown away by how many of you are reading. I hope you enjoy the second chapter. Enjoy the citrus :)

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><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Two

I Turn to You

_For a shield from the storm,  
>For a friend, for a love<br>to keep me safe and warm  
>I turn to you.<br>For the strength to be strong,  
>For the will to carry on<br>For everything you do,  
>for everything that's true<br>I turn to you._

-I Turn to You – Christina Aguilera

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><p><em><strong>Renesmee<strong>_

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a minute to try to get my nerves to calm down. I stood in front of the mirror in the makeshift bridal dressing room wringing my hands together as I waited for someone to come get me so I could marry Jake.

I opened my eyes and looked down at my ring. There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to go through with it, but it had been a long time since I'd been so nervous about anything. The planning had gone so much smoother than either Jake or I could have hoped for. The month had turned out warmer than Jake and I had hoped, and there weren't many snowstorms on the forecast. We had first wanted to find some park somewhere for the day, but we decided not to push it and went with one of the churches in the area. The church itself was small, but it had a beautiful garden Jake and I would use for the ceremony, then we'd go inside for the reception.

Neither of us really cared if we kept to any specific tradition. After a few white dresses, I realized that I really hated them. I didn't want to wear anything pale since my skin was white enough. Instead, I finally decided on a dark purple, lacey dress that looked almost Celtic. The front had an empire neckline and looked a little like a laced-up corset. It had long sleeves with the kind of cuffs that drooped to my knees when I held my arms out. The skirt was long and flowing. My shoes were lighter purple, high-heeled sandals. Leah had begged me to let her do my hair. I gave in, of course, and she and Melanie helped me get ready.

Jake and I wanted to somehow honor our parents during the wedding. We decided to have some pictures printed so we could make a special place for them. I let him do that part and pick out the pictures while I dealt with the bouquets and catering. We'd used many of the same people Leah had for her wedding. Jacob hadn't wanted me to do the flowers, but I insisted. I knew exactly what I wanted, and I doubted if anyone else could get it right. I'd made the arrangements for each table different from one another, but my bouquet had a little of everything. Azaleas for abundance, hyacinths for sincerity, baby's breath for festivity, red and white roses for union, and red tulips for our declaration of love.

I took another deep breath and wondered what was taking everyone so long. I didn't want to be left alone anymore. I needed Jake. My heart was pounding hard against my chest, and my stomach turned with every breath. I knew it wasn't all nerves. I wanted to see my dad so badly it hurt in a way I hadn't felt in a long while. Every moment I didn't have something else to think about, another memory crept in. I had gone through exercise after exercise to stay calm and not break down on my wedding day, but it wasn't looking hopeful.

I fought the urge to run my fingers through my hair and sat down on the closest chair. I took a few more deep breaths and told myself I couldn't lose it. Not today. I remembered the way my dad would brush my hair then refuse to braid it. He'd said his braids always turned out lopsided. I'd tried to teach him on one of my dolls once, but it didn't do any good. After the situation with Greg when I was sixteen, my dad had promised me that someday I would find a good man who would love me. It had been awkward—what sixteen-year-old girl honestly wanted to talk to her dad about getting serious with a guy? I hadn't, but now I really wished I had. Just to say that I'd trusted him that much more than I really did.

I jumped when the door opened and looked up to see Joshua walk in. His two-year-old steps were wobbly, and he clapped his hands when he saw me.

"Hi!" he said loudly.

I smiled and waved. "Hi."

Leah came in after him. "It's time, sweetie."

My stomach heaved. I nodded and stood up. "Okay."

"Are you all right?"

"I want to be." I looked up and delicately wiped under my eyes. It would be just perfect to smear my makeup this close to my debut as Jake's wife. "I don't know. I'm scared, and I can't stop thinking about my dad."

Leah took my hand and squeezed tightly. "Jake just went out there, but I can get him if you need me to."

I nodded. "I need him."

"Okay. Watch Josh for me; I'll be right back." She stooped down and gave him a quick kiss before she ran out of the room.

I sat back down and lifted Joshua onto my lap. He leaned into me and grabbed a lock of my hair. "You're lucky, you know that, kid? You've got a wonderful mother and a loving father. Don't ever take that for granted."

A moment later, Jake and Leah came in. He looked so handsome in his tuxedo and bowtie.

"Ness, what's wrong?" Jake asked. I had to wonder what Leah told him; he looked really worried.

I put Joshua down, and he waddled over to his mom. She took his hand and led him out of the room before she shut the door. I stepped up to Jake and lifted my arms around his shoulders.

"I'm so sorry, Jake." I sniffled and tried to figure out how to get what I needed without smearing my makeup or getting any of it on his suit.

Jake pushed me back and framed my face with his hands to make me look at him. "Nessie, please tell me you're not changing your mind."

I laughed and shook my head as much as I could. "No, of course not. I just got thinking about my dad and that he can't give me away, and I wish he could be here to do it. My stomach hurts, and I'm not sure I can keep myself together."

He breathed a sigh of relief and sat down to pull me onto his lap. I had to pull my sleeve out from under me before I could relax. He kissed me and held me tightly. I did feel a little better now that I was close to him. "You can, baby. You've come such a long way, and I know you can do it. Do you think you'll be okay with the pictures?"

I nodded and reached down to get a tissue from the box on the floor. "Yeah, I'm sure they'll be fine. You believe they're here, don't you?"

He smiled and kissed me again. "Of course I do. My dad wouldn't miss this for the world, and I know yours wouldn't either. Remember how he checks on you often? This is your wedding. What better time to check on you?"

I dabbed under my eyes with the tissue. "Do you think I could walk down the aisle by myself?" Sam was going to do it, but somehow that just didn't feel right.

Jacob wiped an errant tear from my chin. "I think you _could_, yes. If you really want to, I'll let you."

I thought about asking him to do it, but I really didn't want that. I wanted to be alone with the memory of my dad as I gave myself to Jake. "I really want to."

He nodded. "Then you can. I'll talk to Sam. I love you, Ness."

I kissed him and got another tissue to wipe the lipstick off his lips. "I love you, too. I'm sorry I worried you and dragged you back here when everything was about to start."

"Don't be sorry, baby. I'd rather that than have you get scared or break down during the ceremony. I should get back there and let you come to me."

I smiled and nodded. "Good idea."

He helped me off his lap then stood up beside me. "You look great, by the way. So fucking beautiful."

My eyes widened. "Jacob, we're in a church. You shouldn't say that."

He pursed his lips. "You're right. I'm sorry. You're so fucking hot."

I snorted and pushed his shoulder. "Get out. I love you."

He squeezed my fingers. "Love you, too."

I took a few minutes to breathe while Jake got back in his place and calmed everyone down. I waited five minutes before Leah came in to get me. She kissed my cheek and hurried out to take her place next to her husband and son. I took one last deep breath before I got my bouquet and walked out.

Jacob was standing under a lattice arch in the church's garden. The bishop stood behind a small pulpit. Our guests were seated on folding chairs with an aisle down the middle of them. Everyone turned to look at me. My stomach turned again, but I pushed it aside and took the first step.

"Okay, Dad," I said softly to myself. I paid attention to each step. "Jake says you're here. I hope he's right." I wasn't used to talking to my dad unless Jake and I were at the cemetery. Even then, it was still a little weird. As I approached the front, I realized there were three empty seats in the front row, each with a picture propped up on them. I squeezed the bouquet hard as I finally stepped up to Jake. He smiled and put his hands over mine. I looked over at the empty seats. Jake had picked the most wonderful pictures to have blown up. He had one of his mother in a bright green dress that really showed off her eyes, and the one of his father dressed up in a suit. The one he picked of my dad was the one that had hung in his room. It was both my mom and dad, and he held her from behind with their hands on her pregnant stomach. My eyes watered, and I looked up at Jacob.

"Thank you," I mouthed. He just nodded a little bit and looked at the bishop.

Bishop Henry cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. "Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today in the presence of God to witness the union of holy matrimony between Jacob Eli Black and Renesmee Anne Masen."

I stared into Jacob's eyes as the bishop spoke about marriage. The way he looked back at me told me all I needed to know about how he felt. He had told me time and again that he was ready to get married and he wanted me to be his wife, but there had always been some small part of me that doubted it. Now, as we stood here and he watched me with his dark, intense eyes, I knew it was true.

We had decided to recite our own vows rather than repeat after someone. When the time came, Jacob squeezed my hands.

"Renesmee, I'm standing here in front of you today to promise my life to you. I promise to love you forever, through good times and bad, sickness and health, rich and poor, and all that bullshit. I promise to protect you and help you as best as I can as we both grow and overcome anything that stands in our way. I'm yours, baby. That's my solemn vow." He lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles.

I sniffled and took my hand back to wipe a tear away before I spoke. There was nothing better than the words Jake had just said. "Jake . . ." I cleared my throat. "Jacob Black, I am so in love with you. I promise to love you forever and never shut you out. I promise to be there for you for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, forever. That's my solemn vow."

"Do you have the rings?" Bishop Henry asked.

Leah got up and helped Joshua hand us the rings. Tears clouded my vision and made it a little difficult to get Jake's on him, but we both managed.

"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Jacob smirked before he pulled me close and kissed me. He didn't waste time deepening it. The thought that I was now Mrs. Black made me so happy. I dropped my bouquet and wrapped my arms tightly around his shoulders. I was vaguely aware of applause as I tried to think of ways to get Jake home as quickly as possible. Nobody would care if the bride and groom didn't show up to the reception, right?

We finally pulled apart what felt like hours later. Jacob steadied me and smiled as he wiped under my bottom lip. He had lipstick smeared on him, too. I stifled a laugh and kissed him again lightly. He picked up my bouquet for me, and we made our way inside to the gym where the reception was being held. The pictures went in with us and sat at a table Jacob had set up just for them.

Since I didn't like cake, Jake and I decided on a huge amount of brownies. We had some made plain the way I liked them, then some with frosting and nuts. Jacob insisted on keeping some sort of tradition, though, and we both laughed as we all but shoved the brownies into each other's mouths. I was lucky it wasn't the one with frosting, though, because the mess wasn't as sticky as it could have been. I was sure I had at least a half a brownie worth of crumbs down the front of my dress, though.

"I'll get them later," Jacob said with a wink. I smiled and kissed him, then we got some food and went to sit down at the front of the room. Everyone else got their plates and sat down. I leaned over a little and rested my head on Jake's shoulder. He kissed my head.

"How are you?" he asked. "Your skin? We were out a little longer than I'd anticipated."

I smiled and looked up at him. "I'm fine. Not even a tingle. How are you?"

He shrugged the shoulder I wasn't on. "I feel like the luckiest bastard that ever lived. Oh, wait. I am."

I stretched up to kiss his lips. "You still have lipstick on you."

He nodded. "So do you."

"Yeah, but I was wearing it to begin with."

"It just means I haven't kissed you enough yet." He did it again. "I love you."

"I love you, too. You should try the shrimp. They're really good." I held one up for him and let him eat it.

"Not bad. Not as good as you, though."

I blushed. "You'll get plenty of me later tonight."

"I know I will."

We ate for a few minutes and listened to the chatter around the room. I knew there would be some toasts, but I wasn't sure when they would start or who would start them. I noticed Leah gesturing to Jake about something, and he shook his head slightly. She glared at him. He sighed. I was confused for a second before he stood up.

"I guess it's time to say a few words to my wife." I smiled to myself. He reached down and took my hand to pull me up with him. "It's weird to say that. My wife. Nessie, if any woman could convince me to get married, it's you. No one else is as patient, kind, or as loving as you. I'm proud to call you my wife and I will do my damndest to be the kind of husband you deserve. I love you, baby." He kissed my knuckles.

I blushed at the thought of everyone staring at me. I decided to just look at him when I spoke. "I love you, too, Jake. I can't even tell you how long I've waited for this. You once told me that if I could see in myself what you saw, I'd know there's a lot to protect. You might not think you'll be a very good husband, but I know otherwise. If you could see what I see, you'd know it, too. I really look forward to proving it to you."

He smirked, but I swear I saw tears in his eyes as he leaned down to kiss me again. Leah was the first to stand up after Jake and I had sat down. Jake shifted in his seat like he was making himself more comfortable. I noticed the smile of anticipation on his lips.

"First of all, Jake, let me just say that it sure took you long enough. I'm glad you got it together, though. You two deserve each other and belong together. It was obvious even from the first time I saw you with her that she was different for you. Ness, seeing you today gives me hope that anything can be overcome with enough time, love, and patience. I'm so glad you two found each other. Cheers to a long, happy, and _productive_ life together."

Jacob chuckled and raised his glass. "Thanks, Leah."

I got a little excited when he didn't get upset about the obvious meaning of Leah's last sentence. I knew children were still far away, but it seemed we got a little closer each year. Sam got up next and shared a few thoughts about how much he'd seen Jake mature over the last two years. I saw him smirk out of the corner of my eye. More of our friends got up after him. My chest swelled with the thought of how many good friends Jake and I really had. Even Lisa was my friend. Her evil twin Jamie was a different story, though. Their older sister Geraldine still tried to flirt with Jacob every single time we saw her. It had first annoyed me, but I learned to laugh at the way he would blatantly ignore her. It made me feel good.

I was nervous when we went to have our dance. Jake and I had debated for weeks over which song we would use. We eventually came up with a playlist and picked a song that pretty much summed up our whole relationship. We stood in the middle of the makeshift dance floor, Jake's hands holding my waist lightly and mine resting on his shoulders, as the first strains of _I Turn to You_ by Christina Aguilera started. I still didn't like the idea of dancing in front of people, especially when I was pretty much the center of everyone's focus, but I kept my eyes on his and tried to block everything else out. Jacob pulled me a little closer and dipped his head to kiss my ear.

"I love you, baby," he said softly.

I shivered and turned my head to look at him. "I love you, too."

He kissed my lips and put his forehead against mine as we continued to move. He smirked and started to sing along with some of the lines. I smiled and tightened my arms around his shoulders. For all I knew, we could be back in our living room, dancing in our pajamas. I relaxed more and just let myself be with him. When our dance was over, everyone else joined in. A couple songs later, Sam asked if he could cut in. Jacob reluctantly stepped aside, and I tensed again as I reached up and held Sam's shoulders. Over the years, he and I had gotten closer. We were so much alike in a lot of ways, and I think it was part of what made us such good friends.

"Congratulations, Nessie," he said with a smile.

I smiled back. "Thank you."

I wasn't nearly as graceful as I had pretended to be with Jacob. I tripped over my shoe, but Sam caught me. I laughed nervously.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm just clumsy."

He chuckled and tightened his arm around my waist. "Knock it off; you can't be clumsy at your wedding."

"Thank you coming, Sam."

He nodded. "You know I wouldn't miss it."

"I'm sorry I changed plans on you right before everything started. It wasn't because I didn't want you to give me away; I just—"

"I know, Nessie. I'm not upset about it. Jake told me you wanted to have that time with your dad."

"Yeah. I wish so badly he could be here to see this. He'd love Jake." I couldn't even count how many times I'd said that over the last two years, but it never seemed to get old. As much as I knew that my dad would approve or think the world of Jake, I still wanted to hear it from him. My eyes watered again, and I leaned in to put my forehead on Sam's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Sam rubbed my back. "It's okay, Ness."

We danced together until the end of the song, then Jacob came back to get me. He furrowed his brow and wiped under my eye when I reached up to hold his shoulders.

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened. I was just talking to Sam about how I wished my dad were here."

He nodded and pulled me close to him. We stayed on the dance floor through a few more songs until I noticed Jake start to tense up. I had a feeling he'd had about enough of socializing. We went back to the tables and ate a little more before I threw the bouquet and Jake threw my garter. Jamie caught the bouquet, and I couldn't help but silently wish her a bitter good luck. There was a reason she hadn't found a man yet, and that reason was her nastiness. Seth caught the garter.

Soon after, Jake told me he was ready to get home. I was eager as well. It wasn't just for the wedding night, although I really was looking forward to it. It was everything that this night meant for us. Our first night as husband and wife. The thought sent a happy shiver up my spine. We packed up the pictures and some food and made sure everyone else took some, too, then we left after Jake assured me for the fifteenth time that we had someone to clean everything up for us.

When we got home, the sun was just starting to set. Jacob insisted we leave everything in the car so he could carry me over the threshold.

"Isn't that kind of silly?" I asked him before we got out of the car. "A new husband does that because his wife is just moving in with him."

He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. "Do you really think that's going to stop me?"

I smiled. "No."

We got out and he held my hand again as we walked up to the door. "Besides, you may have been living with me for a while, but this is the first time you're coming home as Mrs. Black." He scooped me up and stepped in the house. He set me down in the middle of the living room. "Welcome home, my wife."

I shivered with delight. "Thank you, my husband."

His arms were rough as he pulled me closer and kissed me again. It was deep and needy, and I really wished we were naked already. I tugged on his bowtie to loosen it and started to unbutton his shirt. He stopped me before I could make it past three buttons.

"As much as I want to strip you and fuck you right now, we have to at least get shit put away and let Faith in."

I blushed and remembered the little outfit I had picked out for tonight. "Okay." I got one more kiss before he went to get the stuff from the car and I went to let Faith in. She was almost literally vibrating with excitement. I gave her kisses and hugs and told her not to chew on my dress. The thought that she could accidentally ruin it made me want to get out of it as soon as possible. I helped Jake put everything away, fed Faith some of meats from the wedding, then we went back to the bedroom.

Although Jake and I made love almost every day, there was something so special about this night. I watched him as he undressed and couldn't help but smile at the thought that he really was mine now. My claim on him was so much more substantial than it ever had been before. His ring caught the light, and I started to feel a little choked up.

"Are you going to stare at me all night?" Jake asked.

I laughed. "Maybe. You're very handsome."

He slipped his pants down and stepped out of them. Underneath, he was wearing a pair of black silk boxers with a little rose on the bottom of the left thigh. His erection was already obvious. I licked my lips.

"You either need to take that off or come over here and let me do it for you."

I took a deep breath and went to him. I found myself wishing my dress was the kind that I needed help getting out of, but it wasn't. "I'm going to change." I gave him a kiss. "Stay right here."

He nodded and laid on his back on the bed, his legs stretched out and his arms folded under his head. I couldn't help but look him over one more time before I went to get my outfit and change in the bathroom.

I slipped the dress off and hung it delicately on the hanger I'd brought with me, then I stepped out of my underwear and put on the light purple thong. The dress I put on was sheer and a lighter purple than my wedding dress. It had thin spaghetti straps and a little ruffle at the bottom near the tops of my thighs. I smoothed the fabric over my stomach and looked at myself in the mirror. Even I had to admit it looked good. The cups weren't see-through like the rest of it, but they conformed so well to my breasts that they left very little to the imagination. I took the clips out of my hair and brushed it out, then I shook my head and tried to fluff it up a bit.

"Are you okay in there?" Jake asked.

I smoothed the dress down one last time before I turned to the door. "Yes. I'm coming out now." I had absolutely no reason to be nervous. This was Jake; we had made love in so many ways and so many places. He knew everything there was to know about me, and I him. The only thing that had changed was now we were married. It seemed like such a huge change, though. It felt like everything we had worked for the last two years had led us here, and now I wasn't sure how to act. I thought maybe I should try to be seductive and dance a little bit for him, but I still wasn't comfortable with that. I could dance, but not the way I knew he really wanted me to.

I forced myself to open the door and take a step out. Jake was sitting on the bed. He smiled and held out his hand. I went to him and put my hand in his. He pulled me down on his lap and kissed me.

"You are so beautiful, Nessie." He kissed me again. "So sexy."

My nervousness melted away as he leaned back and shifted to hover over me. I was still me and he was still Jake. My hands skimmed over his tanned arms up to his shoulders. "I love you."

"I love you, too, baby." He kissed me down to my breasts and slowly uncovered each one. He took his time giving them attention before he continued moving down over my stomach. My hips moved on their own as he got between my legs. He didn't take the panties off, he just pushed them to the side before he leaned in and licked me. I cried out and grabbed the pillow. He didn't rush himself or me as he worked me up to an orgasm. My back arched and I grabbed his hair, crying out again as ecstasy swept through me. He kissed my body back up to my lips.

He got up briefly to take his boxers off and get a condom. When he came back to me, he kissed my cheek. "I want you on top, babe."

I smiled and sat up. I put the condom on for him and rubbed his erection for a moment before I climbed on top. He squeezed my breasts and moaned as I set a rhythm. I put my hands over his and leaned into him, using his strength to hold me up as I got more into it. He moved his hips with me, meeting me in my descent. I threw my head back and moaned loudly. He let go of my breasts and grabbed my hips to pull me down harder. I put my hands on his chest for leverage and let him guide my movements.

"Oh, shit, Ness . . . cum for me, baby," he begged. "Cum on my dick."

I loved it when he spoke to me like that. "I'm so fucking close, Jake. Just don't stop." Over time, I had tried to loosen my tongue when we made love. I knew he loved it when I talked dirty or swore, so I had tried to do it more often. Soon, my body began to tighten up. I noticed Jake get tense as well. I froze for a moment before the release hit, stronger than it had before. My hips jerked as I all but screamed from pleasure. Jacob pulled me down to him roughly and flipped us over to finish on top of me. He growled into my ear and kissed my neck.

We were both panting heavily when he pulled away to get rid of the condom. I snuggled up to him when he came back. He kissed my forehead.

"I love you, my wife," he said softly.

I smiled and leaned up on my elbow to look at him. "I love you, too, my husband." It still felt amazing to say it. I grinned. "Can you believe we're really married?"

He pushed my hair back behind my shoulder and held up his left hand to play with his ring. "Not really. It seems surreal, you know?"

I nodded and kissed his lips. "I know what you mean. I wonder how long it will take to get used to being a wife."

He chuckled. "We'll be a typical married couple before you know it, complete with arguments and nagging."

"I don't nag you."

"No, but you will. Give it time." He pulled me close. "As long as we don't become one of those couples that never has sex, we'll be good."

I kissed his neck and lifted my leg over his. "I'm pretty sure we don't have to worry about that."

He hummed. "I think I should fuck you again now, just for good measure."

"I think that's a good idea."

* * *

><p>AN: Thank you for reading!

You may have noticed that I removed the banner links from my profile. You can still find them and other fic artwork/pictures at my website, sheewolf85 . weebly . com (remove the spaces) under the artwork tab.

For those of you reading Blood Moon, I have also created a playlist website for that fic. You can find it at bloodmoonplaylist . weebly . com. When I get around to it, I will be adding a playlist for Faith, Hope, and Love to the Give Me a Sign playlist site, givemeasignplaylist . weebly . com.

I'm on Twitter and Tumblr, SheeWolf85. Come talk to me!


	3. Bailamos

A/N: A quick note before we get started: This story will not follow the same timeline pattern that Give Me a Sign followed. It will show their lives over a period of years rather than months, and it will not be nearly as long, so most chapters will skip a chunk of time. There will be fights, arguments, making up, making out, sex, drama, love, etc, but I will make sure the most important parts are covered. I am going to try a time lapse note at the beginning of this chapter. Please let me know if you think this makes it easier to understand or if it's unnecessary.

That being said, enjoy the (almost) complete fluff that is this super long chapter. And the sex :)

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day a bit early ;) For those of you who may not know, "bailamos" means "we dance" or "let's dance" in Spanish.

* * *

><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Three

Bailamos

_Tonight we dance  
>I leave my life in your hands<br>We take the floor  
>Nothing is forbidden anymore<br>__Don't let the world in outside  
>Don't let a moment go by<br>Nothing can stop us tonight _

-Bailamos – Enrique Iglesias

* * *

><p><em><strong>Jacob<br>**__Two Months Later – February, 2013_

"Do you have to do that?" I pointed to the makeup strewn around. I was sitting on the counter next to Ness while she got ready to leave.

She picked up the powder stuff she usually put on first. "Yes."

"You could just go without makeup. You're hot enough without it. Besides, we're going to be in the car for a _long_ time."

She stood up and looked at me with the wife-y look she'd already grown accustomed to giving me when I teased her. "Just because we're going to be in the car doesn't mean I can't wear makeup."

"Yeah, but you're probably going to sleep, and it's going to smear, then you'll get upset about it and have to fix it when we get there, then you won't let me fuck you because you know it'll just get messed up again. So, for the sake of letting me fuck you when we get to Brigham City, I vote you don't wear any makeup."

She laughed and pushed my arm. "Well, you probably won't let me drive because it'll be dark, and you won't want to stop anywhere to rest because we don't want to spend too much time driving in the light, so by the time we actually do make it to Brigham City and get checked in to our hotel, you'll be so exhausted that you won't want to fuck me; you'll just want to sleep. While you're sleeping—"

"No, no, no . . . Have you learned absolutely nothing about me in the last three years we've known each other? I'll never be too tired to fuck you." I pulled her close to me and kissed her. "I can sleep when I'm done."

She put her hands on my chest and looked at me with her big, brown eyes. "Jake, baby, you'll be driving for twelve hours with stops no longer than ten minutes."

I loved it when she called me "baby," but I really hated it when she told me I wouldn't want to fuck her. I sighed. "You are right, but I still think it's silly to put makeup on for a ride in the car."

She pursed her lips. "I guess it is silly, isn't it?" She started to put everything away. I hopped off the counter and pulled her back against me.

"Don't be upset, baby."

She turned her head to smile at me. "I'm not upset. You're right; I shouldn't worry about how I look for a road trip. All that matters is that you think I'm pretty."

I chuckled and kissed her ear. "No, I think you're fucking gorgeous. We need to get our asses out of here if we're going to leave on time."

We were on our way to our honeymoon. I had thought long and hard about where I wanted to take her, but everywhere I came up with was a bad idea for one reason or another. Mexico, Florida, or Los Angeles were too fucking sunny. Paris, London, or Italy were too expensive. Then she came up with the brilliant idea that we go to Seattle. My first thought was what the fuck was so romantic about Seattle? The more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me. It was rainy and cloudy as hell, which meant Ness could spend some time outside. It was where her grandfather lived, and she hadn't been up there since his funeral. It was our own personal brand of romantic. I was the one who came up with the even more spectacular idea to go during the week of Valentine's Day.

I took the week off work and told Harry I'd be back sometime. Seth was going to act as foreman in my absence. He'd finished college and got a job at the local elementary school teaching third grade. It was hilarious to see him around all the little kids one day then cussing out something or other on the site the next.

"Okay. Let me throw this in my suitcase real quick, then we can go. Will you start putting things in the car, and I'll round up Faith?"

I kissed her one more time and pulled away. "You got it, babe."

Fifteen minutes later, we were on our way to Leah's. Faith had her head between the seats, and Ness was scratching her ears telling her all the fun she was going to have with Sam, Leah, and Joshua while we were gone. She also promised her more times than I can count that we'd only be gone a week.

We got to Leah's a little before six o'clock. The sun was already starting to go down, which was a relief for me. I had been so nervous about the idea of driving until I remembered the nights were longer this time of year. Knowing we would have twelve hours of darkness to drive made the idea much more bearable. Ness thanked Leah and Sam a million times for watching the dog. Leah smiled and said it was the perfect remedy for the recurring visits from her mother. Since Sue was allergic to dogs, Faith was just the thing to keep her away.

I almost started to get annoyed with how sentimental Ness was being with her goodbyes. It wasn't like we were going to be gone for months. I shook Sam's hand, gave Leah a hug, and patted Josh on the shoulder. He held his grubby little paws up for a hug, and I gave in with a groan.

Finally we were gone. Ness bounced excitedly in her seat as we got on the freeway.

"You're not looking forward to this or anything are you?" I asked her.

She snorted. "No, not at all. And I'm sure you aren't either."

"Nah."

She giggled and dug out the CD wallet I'd put in the glove compartment. I was surprised when she put in one of my metal mixes. She smiled and sat back in her seat.

"I figured you'd need something to keep you awake."

"That's fine with me, but change it if you get sick of it."

She wrinkled her nose. "I don't see how you call this music. I'll be fine, though. You just focus on the road."

I took her hand and held it over the gear shift. "I'll do that."

* * *

><p>It was seven o'clock in the morning by the time we made it to Brigham City. I already had a hotel reserved for us, so thankfully we didn't have to go through the bullshit of finding one. Ness was asleep when I pulled into the parking lot. She must have been tired, because I wasn't sure how else she could sleep through the music I put in to keep myself awake.<p>

I took Ness in first. She woke up enough to walk beside me, but she stumbled a few times. The guy behind the counter gave me a weird look before he reluctantly gave me the key. He could think whatever the fuck he wanted, I was tired and didn't give a shit. Once I got Ness in the room, I went back out for the things we'd need for the day ahead. There wasn't much. A few blankets to make sure the windows were covered, some clothes, a few other small things.

After I'd blocked the windows, I changed into my shorts and crawled into the bed next to Ness. She turned and pressed herself against me and shivered.

"Cold?" I asked.

She mumbled incoherently and nodded. I rubbed her back and kissed her head, then pulled the blankets up a little higher. I was passed out within a few minutes.

Ness woke me up at four o'clock that afternoon. I had wanted to have more time to spend with her before we took off again, but at least we didn't have to leave right away. We ordered room service and ate a bit, then we took a shower together. Ness' inner minx surprised me when she wanted to fuck a trail from the bathroom to the bed. It started in the shower, went to the bathroom sink, then to a table, and finally ended with her on all fours on the bed. We took a short nap, ate a little more when we got up, then it was time to leave.

It was pretty much the same thing from Brigham City to Seattle. Ness was able to stay awake a little longer. She made it to Oregon where I almost got into a fight with a gas station attendant who wouldn't let me pump my own gas.

"It's how they do it here," she told me. "I forgot about that. Whenever we'd come up when I was younger, my dad would always joke that we were royalty in Oregon because they did that for us."

It was stupid, but I let it go. I was not prepared for what I saw when we got to the Columbia River.

"Holy mother of God. That's not a river, that's a fucking mini-sea."

Ness laughed. "It's huge, huh?"

The bridge I was about to cross suddenly looked intimidating. "Isn't there somewhere else I can get over?"

"Yeah, but this is probably one of the narrowest parts of the river, which means the shortest bridge. Besides that, any others would be miles away."

I grumbled and just crossed the damn thing. Even in the dark, it was easy to see that the river was deep and wide. Ness reached over and rubbed my shoulder. I smirked at her and just kept driving. She was passed out by the time we reached Yakima. I laughed at the name when we had to stop for gas again. Thankfully it was the last time before we reached Seattle.

Two and half hours later, I pulled in to the hotel parking lot. I yawned and rubbed my face. We pretty much repeated the scene from Brigham City, weird look from the key guy and all. I took everything in from the car this time, though, just so I wouldn't have to bother with it in the morning. Our plan was to sleep and relax our first day, then we'd start exploring on Tuesday.

It was raining when Ness woke me up at two o'clock. We got room service again and lounged in bed while we ate. Ness asked me to take the blanket down so she could watch the rain. I did it happily, and we sat together watching the water slide down the glass. It started to get dark at four o'clock, and by five-thirty the sun had gone down completely.

To pass the time, we decided to watch a few movies. They had a crappy Meg Ryan movie on that Ness wanted, and I gave in on the condition that she watched _Columbiana_ with me afterward. I got bored a third of the way into Ness' movie and started to kiss her neck. She smiled but didn't stop me. Playing with her was much more fun. She even let me finger her and suck on her tits. Either she was holding out or my timing was impeccable, because she reached her orgasm right as the credits started to roll. I wanted to fuck her, but she gave me a sly smile.

"You wanted to watch _Columbiana_, so you watch it. I'll just be down here." She grabbed a pillow off the bed and got on her knees on the floor. I grinned as she kissed my stomach and pulled down the waistband of my shorts.

* * *

><p>It was still raining the next morning when Ness and I got up. She was excited because it meant we could go see her grandfather's grave and spend some time outside.<p>

Our first stop was a little restaurant down the street for breakfast. Ness and I had both saved up for this trip, and the Christmas bonus I got from Harry and other wedding cash presents didn't hurt one bit. I didn't plan on cooking anything for the whole week. After we ate, she showed me around a little bit. We found the cemetery easily, but Ness had a harder time remembering where her grandpa's grave was. Instead of letting her get upset about it, I parked the car and we got out to walk around in the rain.

"If we can't find him, we'll look it up when we get back to the hotel and come back tomorrow, okay?" I held her hand as we walked.

She nodded and shivered, stepping closer to my side. I had the umbrella open, but we were still getting wet.

A few minutes later, she perked up. "I think I see it." She tugged my hand and all but dragged me three rows over. Sure enough, there was an upright, marble headstone with a badge carved into it. It read "Charlie Michael Swan – beloved father and grandfather – devoted officer and protector – gave his life in the line of duty." His birth and death date were listed below.

Nessie sank to her knees in the wet grass and hugged the stone. I got down with her and rubbed her back. She sniffled and leaned back.

"It feels like it's been forever since I've been here. Dad and I didn't come out after he died. We came for his funeral, but that was it." She wiped her face, but her hands were wet so it didn't do much. "Jacob, I can't even tell you how much this trip means to me. The honeymoon and Valentine's Day and all that is just so sweet, but this . . ." She reached out to trace her grandfather's name just like she did with her dad's. "This is so perfect. Thank you."

I pulled her close and kissed her head. "I'm glad you get to see him again. Introduce me?"

She smiled up at me. "Sure." She cleared her throat. "Jake, this is my grandpa, Officer Charlie Swan. Grandpa, this is my husband, Jacob Black. We were married just before Christmas. We've known each other a long time, though. Three years this month. Oh, I wish you could have met him."

I chuckled and squeezed my arm around her. "Nice to meet you, Officer Swan. My grandfather was an officer, too, in Phoenix."

Suddenly she gasped and looked at me with wide eyes. "Jake . . . Do you think he knows? About my dad, I mean?"

"Yes, I do. I would imagine he and your parents barbeque often."

She nodded. "Okay." She sighed and leaned back against me. "Is it weird that I miss his grave now? It feels strange to be so far away from him."

"It's not weird. You haven't been out of state without him, babe, and the last time you were up here, you had him with you. I'd say it's perfectly normal to miss his grave."

We sat and talked quietly to Charlie for a while before she got cold. Despite the umbrella, we were both soaked from the knees down. She showed me around to a few places, then I was ready to go back to the hotel. On our way, she turned to me excitedly.

"Oh, Jake, can we go to the mall?" She seemed ridiculously excited about the idea.

I grimaced. "There are a million malls in Phoenix. Probably better ones, too."

She pouted. "But I haven't been here in years. My grandpa and I used to go when we'd visit. Please?"

I couldn't stand the way she was looking at me. "Okay."

She grinned. "Thank you!" She leaned over the center console and hugged me around my neck.

Finding the damn mall wasn't as difficult as I'd hoped it would be. I parked and held Ness' hand as we walked in. I stayed with her while she visited a few shops, but it got boring after the third one. She smiled at me as we walked out of yet another clothing store.

"You don't have to stay with me, you know." She hugged my arm. "We could meet in the food court in an hour."

"What am I going to do for an hour?"

She shrugged. "There are guy things here. You just have to find them."

It was better than boring myself to death. I nodded and kissed her. "Okay. One hour."

She squeezed my fingers and walked away. I watched her for a second before I sighed and went to find something interesting. I had no idea where I was, but somehow I managed to find _Spencer's_. I walked around a bit and chuckled at the boob cups and farting toys they had. I spent a few minutes looking through their pointless but hilarious cards and t-shirts, then I found their adult section. I imagined Ness wearing just about every piece of lingerie they had, including the candy bra and thong set and edible panties.

Other people were coming and going as I looked through the selection of lotions and creams. I was crouched down reading the back of a bottle that claimed it doubled a woman's pleasure when someone kneeled beside me. I glanced up to see a woman with blonde hair and green eyes smiling at me.

"Hey," she said with a sultry voice. "Thought I would just warn you, that stuff sucks."

I smirked and put it back. "Thanks."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you don't look like the kind of guy who would need something like that." She put her hand on my arm and looked at me through her lashes.

I had to wonder how someone could take that the wrong way; there was only one way to take it. I held up my left hand and wiggled my ring finger. "I don't." I pushed her hand away from me.

She pouted. "Oh." She stood up. "Are you looking for something special for the wifey?" I didn't like the mocking way she'd said that.

I stood up as well. "No; just browsing while she does her thing."

The woman nodded. "Okay. Well, I can tell you that no matter how good you are, you can always get better." She plucked a box off the shelf. "I recommend this. It'll make her scream." She stepped closer and checked me out again.

I moved back without taking the box. I didn't care what it was. "Thanks, but no thanks."

She came closer again. "I've had guys wear one with me, and they are delicious." I was beginning to notice things about her like how much makeup she had caked on and how stiff her hair was from too much hairspray or gel. She oozed _slut_. She leaned in to me, pushing her chest out to show off the fake balloon tits barely contained by her shirt.

"Are you deaf? I said no. I'm married; back off."

She frowned and moved back a half a step. "Really? You won't even take the box because I'm flirting with you? Jeez, your wife is one lucky whore."

I almost hit her. Instead, I clenched my fists and took a deep breath. This woman didn't deserve my anger. I ran my fingers through my hair and snatched the box from her hand. "There, I took it. Now leave me the fuck alone."

She rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Your loss," she mumbled as she walked away.

I took a few minutes to calm down before I did anything else. Some punk kid was staring at me. I glared right back until he left. When he did, I finally looked to see what the slut had given to me. It was a blue, vibrating cock ring. I scoffed and put it back on the shelf. I was just going to leave, but then I got an idea.

I'd worn cock rings before, but not the vibrating kind. The one I'd just put back had something on it to stimulate the clit, too. I wondered what that would feel like. After a few minutes' deliberation, I decided we could try it. If Ness hated it, we wouldn't have to use it again. With a shrug, I went to the front to buy it. The guy behind the counter smirked at me, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone's shit. I just wanted to get Ness and go back to the hotel for a while. After I paid, I stuffed the box into my pocket. I figured it would be nice to surprise her with it.

I realized as I walked to the food court that I was late. Ness was probably worried. Then again, she could have texted me if she was.

I wasn't prepared for what I saw when I reached the food court. I spotted Ness almost immediately, and sitting beside her at a table was a brown-haired douche holding her hand. They were both smiling. He was looking at her the way most men did. She was fucking beautiful, so of course they were interested in her. She was mine, though.

All I really wanted to do was rip the bastard's arms off and beat him with them. I walked over and sat next to Ness. She glanced at me, but didn't move away from the fuckwad. "Hey, Ness," I said. I stared the man down, wishing I could somehow make him burst into flame.

Ness cleared her throat and finally pulled her hand from his. "Hi, Jake. This is Tom. We were talking while I waited for you. Tom, this is my husband, Jacob."

I nodded. "Hi, Tom." I hated that name. I hated everything about him. Why didn't he stop looking at her? He was still smiling like I wasn't imagining a million different ways to filet him.

"It was nice talking to you, Tom," Ness said. She stood up. The dickhead got up with her and hugged her. My blood boiled. What was worse was that Ness hugged him back. I got up and pulled her away from him, holding her steady when she almost lost her footing. I glared at him, silently daring him to do or say anything at all. I really didn't care what; anything was likely to push me over the edge right now. Just say something, fucker.

Ness reached between us and got something from the table. "I think we should go, don't you, Jake?"

I looked at her for a second and nodded. Although it sounded good right about now, murder probably wasn't the best way to spend our honeymoon. "Yeah. You got everything?"

"Yep. Bye, Tom."

Jesus, why did she have to say his fucking name? I grunted and took her hand to make sure she walked with me. She pulled away from me halfway down the corridor. I put my arm around her shoulders. She tried again to pull back, but this time I had a better hold on her.

I wanted to be able to calm down and think up rational explanations for why Ness was holding the douche's hand, but I couldn't. All I could think about was the chick in _Spencer's_ and how I'd defended my marriage. Had Nessie even told the fucker she was married before I showed up? I wanted to believe she had, but how the fuck would I know?

I got in the car after opening her door for her. I turned it on and stared at the dashboard for a few seconds. I knew I needed to talk to her, but I wasn't sure how. I didn't want to freak out and turn this into a fight.

Ness cleared her throat. The sound was grating. "Jake—"

"What the fuck was that, Nessie?"I blurted. Fuck.

"That was me talking to someone." She said it like I was stupid for not understanding.

I looked at her. "Not just someone, Ness. The fucker was flirting with you and holding your hand."

She gasped theatrically. "No! Oh, my God, Jake, how could I ever let any other person hold my hand?" She was on very thin ice. "Sure this means I'm being unfaithful."

"Goddammit, Nessie, this isn't a fucking joke." I reached over and grabbed her left wrist to hold it up. "You're my wife, dammit. You belong to me." _Or had you forgotten?_

I let go of her, and she rubbed her wrist. I felt bad that I'd hurt her, and it only added to the turmoil in my chest. I wished I had something to take this out on.

"Yeah, I'm your wife, but I didn't marry you to become one of your possessions. Stop acting like I don't have a right to talk to people."

Fuck! I slammed my fist against the steering wheel and growled. "I didn't say you don't have a fucking right. The fucker was flirting with you, and you didn't stop him. You fucking hugged him back."

"Because he was nice to me! Jesus, Jake, if I'd been talking to a woman, you wouldn't be upset right now. We were just talking, that's it. He asked me if I wanted to eat something with him, then I told him I was married. He was fine with that and asked me if I wanted to get a drink as friends. Why is that so horrible? Can I not make new friends that you didn't introduce me to? Is that something I missed in the fine print of this marriage?"

So she had told him. Hearing it calmed me down a little. I took a slow, deep breath and tried to get a grip on myself. "You know that's not the case."

"Then what is?" she demanded. "Why are you so upset?"

I didn't know how to answer her. I'd been so jealous, and I wasn't even sure why. A few minutes passed while I attempted to gather my thoughts. I looked over at her when she rubbed her arms. I realized then that it had stopped raining. It was still cloudy, but I knew that didn't mean she was safe. On top of it, she was upset.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay right now, but can we go?"

I nodded and put the car in gear. I spent the ride trying to come to terms with the fact that I had completely misunderstood everything when I saw Ness and the fuckwit. Tom. Whatever. Even though she and I had known each other now for three years, she was still relatively naïve when it came to men. She knew me, but she still didn't understand that men could be really fucking sneaky when they wanted sex. I didn't know Tom; I had no ground to say if he was like the slut I'd met. Whether he was or not didn't matter, what mattered was that Ness wouldn't know either way. If he was nice to her and didn't act like he was trying to get in her panties, she'd trust him.

When we got to the hotel, I sat on the bed while Ness put her things away. I hadn't even asked her what she'd gotten. I had seen some books in her bag. I wanted to ask her now, but I had to try to resolve this first. It wasn't lost on me that the last few days had pretty much screwed up our medicine routine. I had to make sure we fixed that soon. After she'd finished, I held out my hand in a silent request to have her come to me. She did and sat next to me.

"I'm sorry, Ness," I said softly. I took her hand gently this time. "I saw you with him and the way he was looking at you . . . I know for you it was just friendly, but it might not have been for him. I got jealous because I'm not used to seeing you like that. The guys I see you with are guys I already know. I'm sorry I hurt you." I lifted her hand and kissed her wrist.

"I forgive you, Jake, but I need you to trust me and understand that I'm not something you can control."

I had really pissed her off. I couldn't blame her. I laid down and pulled her with me. I needed to hold her closer when I explained what I had meant earlier. She snuggled up and put her leg over mine. I held up my left hand and twisted my ring. "My dad would often sit in the living room and play with his wedding ring. He said it reminded him of my mom. I remember a few times someone would ask him why he didn't ever remarry. He would always reply saying that he still belonged to Sarah. To me, this ring doesn't just mean that I signed a marriage license and had a wedding. It means I belong to you. My heart, my body, my soul . . . every part of me is yours. That's not to say that I'm your toy or something you own like the things you bought. The same goes for you. In my mind, you're mine in the same way. I don't want to control you or own you, Ness. But you _are_ my wife, and I _am_ your husband. That's not something I'm going to take lightly." I might have hated the idea of marriage for a long while, but that didn't mean I didn't have the highest respect for its values. My dad had taught me through his own examples that marriage is supposed to be forever.

Ness leaned up on her elbow and kissed my cheek. "I don't want you take it lightly, Jake. It's very important to me, too, and I'm so happy you take it so seriously. I also love that you're so protective. I would like to ask that you try not to freak out like that again if I happen to talk to another man that you don't know. What happened earlier made me upset because I felt like you did want to control me. It scared me."

I nodded. I hated myself for the way I'd reacted, but all I could do now was try to learn from it. "I'll try. You have every right to talk to people, and I would love to see you come out of that shell a little more around other people. I still didn't like how he was holding your hand."

She smiled and kissed my lips. "Do you want to know why he was?"

I raised an eyebrow. "To get closer to you?"

"No. We were talking about Arizona, and I accidentally mentioned that I couldn't be outside for very long. He asked why and when I hesitated to tell him, he touched my hand and told me I didn't have to answer if I didn't want to. I was the one that turned my hand over to hold his, and I told him. He said it didn't bother him."

Everything suddenly made perfect sense. I was the douchebag. A small part of me wanted to go back to the mall just to shake the guy's hand and tell him thanks for not making Ness feel like shit all over again. So many people did, and it frustrated me to no end that I couldn't kill them all and get away with it. I wanted to prove to her that she was beautiful, but it was so fucking difficult when she'd get upset over some stupid comment someone would make about her appearance. Knowing that this total stranger had made her feel good about herself for a change made my chest hurt in a whole new way.

I turned on my side to face her and touched her cheek. "I'm glad it didn't bother him, baby. Not everybody in the world is going to look down on you or try to avoid you just because you're allergic to the sun. I know you know that because of me and our friends, but I'm glad you got to see it from a stranger." I kissed her.

"Thank you." She smiled and kissed me back. When she pulled away, she looked at me with her brow furrowed. "What took you so long anyway? I was talking to him for like fifteen minutes before you showed up."

I frowned. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I lost track of time looking at sexy stuff in _Spencer's_. And I had to ward off an evil cunt who wouldn't leave me alone even after I told her I was very much taken."

Her brow furrowed again. "You got hit on, too?" She didn't seem to like that idea much.

I nodded. "Yeah. She told me I looked like I didn't need toys. I told her I didn't; I can take care of my woman just fine on my own."

Her eyes widened. "You really told her that?"

"No, not really. Not all of it, anyway. The point is, though, when she kept coming, I got pissed. I made her leave me alone."

"Was she pretty?"

"What kind of question is that? No, she wasn't pretty. She was all slut." I grimaced. "She was probably littered with diseases, too."

Ness smiled, though, and pushed herself closer to me. "So you weren't even a little bit tempted?"

I snorted. "Fuck no. Ness, I'm not going to lie and say that I never see other women as beautiful. Some are very beautiful. Some are pretty damn sexy, too, but none of them are you. I might look at some girl in a low-cut top or short skirt and get a little turned on, but it's not because I want to fuck them. It's because those things remind me of sex, then I want to fuck you." All this talk about sex made me want to fuck her now. My hands slipped down to cup her ass. "I love you so much."

"How do you always know just what to say? I love you, too."

"I also found something for you, but you don't get it until Valentine's Day."

She frowned. "I didn't get anything for you."

"Don't worry about it, baby. My gift to you can be your gift to me, too."

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm confused."

I kissed her again. "Good. Let the anticipation rise until you can't stand it anymore."

She pushed her hips closer to mine. "Seems like anticipation isn't the only thing that's rising." I smiled coyly and squeezed her ass harder as she scratched her nails down the front of my shirt. "But, it's going to have to wait. You made me sit in the food court with all that food around me, and now I'm starving." She kissed me and pulled away. I groaned. "So feed me, then I'll release your tension."

I sat up. "If I have to. What do you want to eat?"

"Sausage." She winked and walked to the kitchen area where we'd put some of the leftovers from the room service dinner the night before. She was trying to drive me crazy. I groaned again and followed her.

* * *

><p>Wednesday we went around Seattle. Ness showed me the places she used to go with her grandfather. That evening we went up to Green Lake and rented a boat. We had talked about fishing, but I didn't know what the fuck I was doing and she couldn't remember how to bait the hook, so we bagged that idea and just went for a ride on the water. I didn't know the first thing about how to work the damn boat, but Ness helped me figure it out. Together we drove out to the middle of the lake and cut the engine to just sit and look at the dark, cloudy sky. It was perfect. We got back to the hotel a little before midnight.<p>

Thursday was Valentine's Day. Ness was still asleep when I woke up. I spent a few minutes watching her sleep, then I called room service to have them bring up something special. I woke Ness up with a full body massage that quickly led to sex. I remembered the cock ring too late. I had plans for that night, though, so I figured I could just use it later.

"And you said you weren't romantic," Ness panted.

I chuckled. "If I were, I wouldn't have ended up fucking you."

She snorted. "It doesn't mean you never take anything for yourself, Jake. Besides, do you really think it would have been as good for me if you hadn't? I needed that kind of _deep_-tissue massage."

I pulled her on top of me and kissed her. "I guess when you put it like that, I am pretty damn romantic. Happy Valentine's Day."

She parted her legs to straddle me and held herself up with her hands next to my head. Her locket dangled down and tickled my chest. "Happy Valentine's Day. What do we have planned for today?"

"All day today will be relaxation and pampering, and tonight I'm taking you out to dinner to Alibi Room where we will eat and dance and probably get wasted."

She laughed. "You plan to get me drunk tonight?"

"No, not really, but we can have a few drinks if you want." I squeezed her hips. "When we get home, I'll show you what I got at the mall."

Her face brightened. "Ooh, sounds exciting." She kissed me. "I kind of have a surprise for you tonight, too."

"What is it?"

She shook her head. "Not telling."

I pouted. "Aw, come on. A hint?"

She pursed her lips. "I'll give you a hint if you will."

"All right. It's something we'll use when I fuck you."

She squirmed. "Then it should all work out perfectly, because my surprise is something to rile you up before you fuck me."

I was dying of curiosity. "Can't I have it now?"

She kissed me once more and got up. "Nope." She slipped her shirt on. "You have to be patient."

I got up with her. "You're so mean to me."

* * *

><p>"I should have tried this dress on before I packed it," Ness called from the bathroom.<p>

I was just finishing up with the buttons on my shirt. I straightened it out and started to tuck it into my pants as I walked over to see what she was complaining about. "Why's that?"

I stopped at the door and stared at her ass. She was in a short black dress that hugged her curves and ended about four inches above her knees. Her ass stuck out in a perfect peach-like curve. I walked up to her and smacked it.

She turned around and frowned at me. "This is serious, Jake."

I had no idea what she didn't like about it. The front was even better than the back. It had a low V-neck that gave me the most perfect view of her cleavage. My hands were drawn to her tits. "You look fantastic, Ness."

She grunted and gestured to her tits like I wasn't already salivating over them. "Look, Jake. I can't go outside like this. I didn't know it was going to be so low. The picture showed it stopping right here." She pointed to a spot two inches higher than the actual point, right below her locket.

I didn't dare say what I thought. The girl in the picture had bigger tits. To me, it wasn't a big deal, but I knew Ness was sensitive about that. I licked my lips and tried to force my eyes north to hers. I put my hands on her waist and pulled her a little closer.

"Ness, baby. Are you worried that you're showing too much skin or that people will look at you funny?"

She sighed. "Both. I mean, nobody else is supposed to see my body. Only you."

I nodded. "You're right. But we won't be around other people all night, babe. We've got a space reserved at Alibi Room just for us. And if anyone else does look at you inappropriately, I'll rip their eyes out." I kissed her. "If you really feel uncomfortable, why don't you put a shirt on under it? You've got that one black tank top, right?"

She pursed her lips. "Yeah. I know what you're saying, Jake, but this is just too much. The length I can deal with. I've worn shorter skirts before, but I can't do this neckline. I feel so exposed thinking about going out like this."

I gave her one more kiss and released her so she could find her tank top. I watched her get it on and situate everything. She fluffed her hair that she'd done in curls and let flow down her back, then she turned to me.

"How's this?"

If I didn't know any better, I wouldn't have been able to tell there was a shirt on under the dress. It looked even better with the modest neckline; more tempting. I touched her cheek. "You're still stunning. Do you feel better?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yes, I do." She licked her lips, and I watched her eyes roam over me. "You look really nice, too."

I'd worn my black button up shirt and a pair of khaki slacks. Technically we didn't really need to dress up for tonight, but Ness wanted to wear something fancy and I wasn't about to make her feel out of place by not joining her.

"Thanks, babe. Are you about ready?"

She stood on her toes to kiss me. "Yes, I just need to get my shoes."

I held her hand as we walked out the door.

Alibi Room was not easy to find. Ness was nervous about it being basically in an alley, but I reassured her that I'd done my homework and it was a legitimate place of business. The place wasn't very busy when we walked in at seven o'clock. The kid that walked up to us had an oversized smile and wandering eyes. He was quick about showing us to the room, though.

It was huge; much larger than I had anticipated. There was a single table set up with two place settings, a dance floor, and a nice-looking stereo system. I pulled Ness' chair out for her then took my own seat. We looked through the menus and decided on a pizza we both wanted to try. While we waited, I reached out and took her hand.

"What do you think so far?"

She shrugged and looked around. "I think it's interesting. I love the ambiance; it's so romantic." She squeezed my fingers. "Best Valentine's Day ever."

I chuckled. "Even better than our first together?"

She smiled. "Well, if you really want to get technical, Jake, the first Valentine's Day we had together was right after we met. And yes, this is much better than that, considering now I can actually function normally."

I lifted her hand and kissed her fingers. "You've come such a long way, baby. Every single day I'm proud of you, you know that, right?"

She nodded. "Yes. And I'm proud of you." She squeezed my hand again.

"But, since we weren't actually together—either romantically or spatially—on February fourteenth three years ago, it wasn't our first Valentine's Day together."

"I guess you're right. Our first as a couple was really nice. I still haven't forgiven you for murdering all my pretty roses, though." She pouted. I had used the petals to make one of those cliché paths down the hallway, then I filled the bathtub with them.

I laughed. "Yes you have. You forgave me that night, and you know it."

She blushed. "Maybe."

We both looked up when the waiter came back in with the pizza. It turned out to be really good. Ness still insisted on dipping it in ranch dressing, though. When we were finished, I got up and went to the stereo system to start some music. Ness watched me from her seat and smiled hugely when I went back to her.

I held my hand out of her. "May I have this dance?"

She put hers in mine. "I'd love that."

I pulled her up with me and wrapped my arm around her waist to hold her close. We danced to a few songs before Ness started acting funny. She kept giving me this look like she was excited to get back to the hotel. It reminded me of what I had planned and the surprise she was going to give to me, and suddenly I wanted to get back, too. I dipped her and kissed her lips.

"How much longer do you want to stay?" I asked when I stood her back up.

She shrugged nonchalantly. "As long as you want. I'm having fun."

I nodded. "Me too. We can leave whenever you want, though."

"Whenever?"

"Yep. You just say the word, and we'll go."

She hummed and pushed herself a little closer. I had a feeling she was dragging it out to torture me. After another song, she finally kissed my neck and pulled back.

"I think I am getting a little tired. Maybe we should go."

I kissed her lips. "I think we should."

We got our leftovers together, I took care of the check, then we left. When we got back to the hotel, Ness started to tense up.

"Do I need to do anything for this surprise of yours?" I asked.

She licked her lips and nodded. "You need to get changed and give me your shirt."

I raised an eyebrow. "My shirt?"

"Yes."

I took it off and handed it to her. "Okay."

She blushed and took a deep breath. "Now get into your shorts or whatever you're going to wear. I'll be right back."

She left the room and shut the door to the bathroom. I had no idea what the hell was going on, but I was eager to find out. I quickly kicked my pants off, got the cock ring, some lube, and a condom ready and tucked under the pillow, then I lounged back on the bed in my shorts to wait for Ness.

She came out of the bathroom a few minutes later wearing my shirt. It went to the tops of her thighs and honestly looked better on her than it ever could on me. I really wanted her to get her ass to the bed so I could fuck her. Instead, she stopped and put her hand on the door frame to strike a pose.

"What do you think?" she asked in a sultry voice.

My dick got harder. "I think you need to get over here before I drag you."

She smiled and blushed. "I have something else in mind."

"Oh?"

She stood up straight and took a deep breath. "Yes."

Whatever it was, she was nervous about it. I waited for a moment to see if she'd be able to work through it on her own. After another deep breath, she walked over to the table by the bed where the stereo was set up. She glanced at me and blushed again as she put in a CD that I didn't recognize.

"I want to do something, Jake," she explained hesitantly. "Please try not to laugh."

I furrowed my brow. "I won't laugh, baby."

She nodded and licked her lips, then hesitated another moment before she pushed the button on the stereo. I wasn't sure if I really believed what I was hearing when Alannah Myles' _Black Velvet_ started to play. Ness gave me another seductive glance and stepped back a few paces. She stood nervously with her feet together for a few seconds before she started to sway her hips. I watched her gain more confidence and shifted; my dick was starting to ache a little with how much I needed her.

My eyes were glued to her hands as she started to slowly unbutton the shirt. She started at the top and worked her way down, taking each button as slowly as humanly possible. She swayed her hips to the beat and even tossed her hair a few times. I was almost delirious by the time she parted the shirt and let it drop to her feet. I groaned and stared at her hands as she slid them over her tits. Under my shirt she had on a black bra and panty set that looked like it was probably made of velvet. Her hands skimmed down her stomach to her hips and legs.

"Is this okay?" she asked.

I met her eyes and grunted and nodded. I think I'd forgotten how to speak. She grinned and turned around to show me her ass. The panties she had on were the stringy thong type. I was beginning to think she was trying to kill me by seduction. She grabbed her ass and turned her body to look back at me. Just when I thought she couldn't get any sexier, she spread her legs and started to bend down. She kept her ass in the air and put one hand on the floor in front of her to keep her balance while she used the other to rub her pussy. I groaned again. My dick was throbbing. She arched her back as she stood back up. She moved her hips again as she turned around.

I held out my hand, still unable to say anything. I just needed her. She came to me and let me pull her down on the bed with me.

"Did I do okay?" she asked.

I squeezed her tits and confirmed that the bra was in fact made of velvet. "I don't think I've ever been so fucking turned on, Ness." The bra was clasped at the front with a little rhinestone circle. I popped it open and slipped it off. It landed somewhere on the floor. I dipped my head and sucked on her nipple. "I really, really need to fuck you."

She threaded her fingers through my hair and pulled me up for a kiss. I tried to be gentle with her as I stripped her panties off. "What about your surprise?"

I had a surprise? Oh, right. I kissed her again and got up to get the condom and the cock ring. Ness sat up and furrowed her brow.

"What is that?" she asked.

"It's a cock ring."

"Tell me you're not going to put that on your penis."

I nodded as I put the condom on. "Sure I am. And look, it vibrates." I turned it on to show her.

She took it from me. "But it looks small; will it fit?"

I showed her how stretchy it was. "Nothing to worry about, baby. Trust me?"

She took a deep breath and nodded. "I trust you."

I got the lube and let her help me put it on so she knew it wasn't going to hurt me. Once it was situated, she turned it on. The sudden vibration kind of tickled, but it felt good at the same time. Ness got on her back and spread her legs. I licked my fingers and touched her briefly before I got into position and slipped inside her. The combination of her and the cock ring was incredible. Once in all the way, I spread her pussy lips with my thumbs to make damn sure the vibration made it to her clit. Nessie gasped and grabbed the sheets under her.

"Oh, my God, Jacob," she cried out.

I leaned over her and ground my hips against hers. "Damn that feels good." I looked down and watched my dick slide out of her halfway before I pushed back in. She moaned louder when the vibration was against her clit, so I tried to make sure I hit it as much as possible. Pretty soon it wasn't easy to keep my mind on anything other than the pleasure. I made Ness cum harder than she had in a long while. Her back arched and her pussy tightened so fucking hard around me. I still didn't cum for several long minutes after her. When I finally did, I swear I saw stars.

I got up and tossed the condom and put the cock ring on the table by the bed, then I all but collapsed next to Ness. She moved up next to me and rested her head on my shoulder. We were both silent for a few minutes as we calmed down. I wrapped my arm around her tightly and kissed her head.

"I honestly didn't think anything could make sex with you any better," she said quietly a few moments later. "But holy shit."

I chuckled. "We'll be using that again sometime soon."

She nodded. "Most definitely."

I turned on my side to face her and brushed her hair out of her face. "Thank you, by the way. I don't think I told you just how much I loved your dance. It was very sexy."

She smiled. "I think your eagerness afterward told me that just fine, but thank you. I'm glad you liked it."

"Will you do it again soon?" I pouted, praying the answer was yes.

"Maybe. Next time I think I want you to help me, though. It was kind of awkward with you just watching."

I hummed and kissed her. "Watching was the best part. I wish you could see how fucking sexy you are."

She lightly skimmed her nails up my chest to my shoulders. "I think I'm learning. You only tell me every day."

"I'll keep it up, too, until you believe me."

She squirmed closer and kissed me. "Thank you for the most incredible honeymoon and Valentine's Day. You're the most wonderful husband any girl could ask for."

"I'm glad you've had a good time. I have as well." I rolled to my back again and held her close.

She sighed and nuzzled her face into my neck. "I kind of don't want to go home Saturday. I mean, I do but I don't. I want to see Faith and our friends, but it's so peaceful here without all those other obligations. I don't have to say goodbye to you in the mornings or wait all day to see you again." Her arm tightened around my chest.

I rubbed her back and put my hand over hers on my shoulder. "I know what you mean, Ness. I don't want to go back to work. But it will be nice to see Arizona again. It's been cold up here."

I felt her smile against my neck. "And you told me you don't get cold."

"I don't. I just meant it's been cold for you. I can't even tell you how many times your icy little toes have shocked me in the night."

She laughed and lifted her foot to press her toes into my thigh. They really weren't that cold, but I pretended they were anyway. "Oh knock it off, Jake. You know you'd rather warm up my icy toes with your hot legs than have me go cold."

I sighed. "You got me there, Ness."

She yawned and kissed me again. "I'm tired. We should get under the covers so my icy toes don't get icier."

I chuckled, and we got under the blankets. She pulled them up around her shoulders, and I held her close. "Goodnight, baby."

"'Night, Jake."

* * *

><p>Friday was our last day in Seattle. It was raining again, So Ness and I went out to explore the city some more. We went to a few different stores around the area because she said we couldn't leave until we found souvenirs for everyone. Once she found the perfect gifts, we went to visit her grandpa again. She'd picked out a few different flowers while we were out and made a little arrangement for him. I showed her the little tube in the ground next to his headstone meant for flowers, and she happily put them in.<p>

At two o'clock, we went back to the hotel to get a nap in before we left that night. I knew Ness was sad to leave, but I reminded her of all we had waiting for us in Arizona.

"Just think of how happy Faith will be to see you again," I said as we got everything packed up. It was only six o'clock, but the sun had already set.

She smiled. "I bet she's missed us. And Joshua will be thrilled to see you."

For some reason, that kid adored me. "I'll scare him away eventually."

"No you won't, because he loves his Uncle Jake."

I just agreed with her. We finally got everything in the car and on the road at seven o'clock. The ride back to Arizona was almost an exact repeat of the trip up. We got home on Sunday morning at six. I called Leah to let her know we'd made it and we'd be by to pick up Faith after we'd rested a bit.

It was nice to be back in my own bed. Life would return to normal the next day when I had to go back to work, but for the moment I just held Ness close to me and savored the serenity of home.

* * *

><p>AN: Thank you for reading! I would love to hear what you think :)


	4. Superstition

A/N: Thank you, my wonderful readers. You make this writing thing worth it :) Not much to say here. Hope you enjoy the chapter.

* * *

><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Four

Superstition

_What if cards don't go my way?  
>Then it's sure to spoil my day.<br>But in voices loud and clear,  
>you say to me it's only superstition.<br>It's only your imagination.  
>It's only all of the things that you fear,<br>and the things which you cannot explain._

-Only Superstition – Coldplay

* * *

><p><em><strong>Renesmee<strong>_

_Ten Months Later – December 2013_

"Oh, Jake, look at this!" I picked up the teeny, pink newborn outfit from the rack and held it up to show him.

He smirked. "No kid would actually fit in that."

I turned it around to look at it closer. It had little hearts on the chest and the cutest little feet. "Sure they would. It's newborn, meaning they'd fit into it just after they were born."

He scrunched his nose and shook his head. "That's what towels are for."

I scoffed and put the outfit back. "You're impossible."

He took my hand and led me out of the baby section to finish our shopping. To be honest, I couldn't remember how we'd gotten there in the first place or why Jake let me if he didn't like it. We weren't looking for anything even remotely baby-related. Joshua's third birthday party was coming up, and we also needed to find some things for Faith.

When we got home that evening, we gave Faith the treats we got for her, and Jake put her new bed out in her doghouse to keep her warm at night. We made dinner together, then we wrapped the toy shaving kit we'd gotten for Joshua for his birthday. His party was Friday although his birthday was tomorrow, December twelfth.

"Poor kid," Jacob said as we wrapped the gift.

I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

He smirked. "His party is on Friday the thirteenth."

"Oh," I laughed. "You don't believe in that, do you?"

"Eh, I don't know, Ness. I've had a few really bad days thanks to it. It's unlucky."

"It's unlucky because you believe it is. In reality, it's just another day."

"In all the years I've known you, Ness, how did I never learn that you're not superstitious? This is a deal breaker. You can't walk under ladders, black cats are bad luck, and don't even think about breaking a mirror."

I couldn't make my smile go away. "It's ridiculous, Jake. I broke . . ." I stopped to try to remember everything I'd broken when I went crazy after my dad died. "Three mirrors when I destroyed everything. If the myth was true, I should have had twenty-one years of bad luck. Instead, I met you two years later."

He chuckled. "How do you know meeting me wasn't more bad luck?"

I scoffed. "Please. If anything, _I _was _your_ misfortune."

He set the wrapped gift aside and scooted up next to me. "If you were my misfortune, then I don't want good luck." He kissed me.

"You're sweet, Jake. But that's my point; the rules don't apply to all situations. There are more exceptions made in the interest of keeping up the charade, so I just can't believe it. If it was the truth, it should at least stick to its own rules." My dad had taught me the way he believed. There was no good luck or bad luck. Things just happened, and people assigned those names to make sense of it all.

"I guess you have a point. But I still won't be walking under any ladders anytime soon."

"I don't expect you to." I kissed him again and got up.

* * *

><p>Joshua's party actually turned out to be really nice. The weather was beautiful, which wasn't the greatest thing in the world for me, but I dealt with it. Jake and I went over a little early to help set everything up in the basement. I had a feeling Leah had something she needed to tell everyone; Joshua kept mumbling something about a baby. She didn't call attention to it, so I wasn't sure, but I had a feeling she was going to break some news soon.<p>

Joshua got excited to open each of his presents. I couldn't be sure if he actually liked the shaving kit Jake and I gave him or if he was just happy to have something new. After he'd opened everything and we'd had cake and ice cream—I fed most of my cake to Jacob—she set Josh and Matthew, Melanie's boy, up with his new architect blocks from his grandpa and cleared her throat.

"So, I know you guys are probably itching to get home, but I have something to say." She glanced at me for a second before she sat on Sam's lap. "We figured it would be easier this way than to try to get everyone together later or call you all one by one. I'm pregnant." Her smile was huge; she was obviously happy about it.

I squeezed Jake's hand hard and let Sue get to her first. I was second to hug her and congratulate her. Even Jake seemed happy for them and shook Sam's hand. There was something about the way he told Leah he knew this would happen that made my gut flutter. Granted, he wasn't talking about having one of his own, but at least he wasn't sitting in the back of the room shunning the mention of a new baby. Leah told everyone she was three months along and due in June. She and Sam had actually planned this one; they wanted Joshua to have a sibling before he turned four.

Jake and I stayed a little longer. Melanie and I talked to Leah while Jake, Izak, Seth, and Sam played with the blocks with the boys. It was so cute watching the three construction guys trying to teach the little ones and Sam how to build a proper foundation.

"Next weekend I want to have a girls' day and go shopping and stuff. Would you two come with me?" Leah asked.

I pursed my lips. "Next weekend is our anniversary." It was hard to believe Jake and I had been married almost a year.

"It's Sunday, right?" I nodded. "We could go Saturday."

"I'm sure that would work." I looked at Melanie.

"Yeah, I don't have anything going on. Izak has to work anyway, and I'm sure my mom would watch Matthew."

Leah beamed. "Perfect. Let's plan on Saturday."

I told Jake about the girls' day on our way home, and he was fine with it. As long as he had me all day Sunday, he said. I promised I wouldn't be anywhere but by his side that day.

The next week went by quickly. I had two new customers talk to me about arrangements, one for a funeral and one for a wedding. My business wasn't booming in the sense that I had several customers every day. I had between two and five orders a week, and that suited me just fine.

I was used to Jake having Fridays off, but he'd switched his days that week so he could have Sunday off instead. It was a little weird being by myself, but I managed. The next day, I got up early and got ready for my day with Leah. I wasn't sure what all Leah had planned, but I had to say I was relieved to see it snowing. I knew she'd plan something that didn't involve being in the sun a lot, but it was nice to know that now I didn't have to limit the other two too much.

"Have fun today," Jake told me. We were in the kitchen eating toast for breakfast. "Stay safe and warm, and text me if you need me."

I had to smile; sometimes he could go overboard with the protective reminders. It made me feel good, though, to know that he still cared that much. I stood on my toes to kiss him.

"I promise I'll be just fine. I'll give you updates every now and then, and I'll let you know when I'm coming home." The updates weren't necessary, and I knew that, but I also knew it would make him feel better if he knew I was okay throughout the day.

"Thank you." He tightened his arms around me and ducked his head to kiss my neck. Just as I tilted my head to give him more room, there was a knock on the door. He grunted and turned, pinning me against the counter. "I changed my mind. You can't go." He nuzzled his face in my neck.

I giggled and pushed him back. "Nice try. I shouldn't be out late." I reached up and held his face in my hands. "I love you."

He kissed my lips. "I love you, too. Have fun."

"I'm sure I will."

I got away from Jake as Leah knocked a second time. She had already picked up Melanie, so we headed to town. It was still snowing. Throughout the day, it got heavier, which was fine for me. We were all bundled in coats, hats, scarves, gloves, and we had an umbrella. We walked pretty much everywhere just because we could. We went into some small boutiques and larger shops, and I found something for Jake for our anniversary. I'd already gotten him a funny calendar that gave examples of how life could be harder. In one of the stores, I found a book of love coupons that had things like a free massage, a blow job, kisses, and dinner. Both Melanie and Leah gave me a suggestive look when I bought it.

"Are you excited for your anniversary tomorrow?" Melanie asked, her hazel eyes bright.

I nodded. "Very excited. It seems like we haven't had a day to just be together in a while. It'll be nice."

"I remember mine and Izak's first. It was so romantic. We didn't do anything but lock ourselves in the bedroom, but that's pretty much the point of an anniversary, right?" She laughed. She and Izak had been married for five years.

"So did Sam and I," Leah said. "Well, we went out to dinner. Other than that, we were inside."

I was getting even more eager for the next day.

"Ooh, look," Leah said. She pointed to a shop we were coming up on. It had neon signs in the windows; a hand with some weird symbols in it, an eye, and a card. The sign above the shop said "Lady Adrianna's Den."

"What is it?" I asked.

"Tarot readings and other things of the occult." Leah raised her eyebrows. "Sam's aunt is into tarot and astrology and stuff. She's taught me a little bit about it. I bet this person could predict what my baby will be."

Melanie nodded. "We should do it. Izak says it's a bunch of hooey, but I think it's all fascinating."

I wrinkled my nose. "It is all hooey. It's just superstition."

Leah swatted my arm. "Oh, come on. Play along and come with us. Please?" She pouted.

I shrugged. "Okay. Have at it, but you won't be able to convince me."

"That's okay. Will you get a reading, too? Just to say you've had one?"

"I guess." It wasn't like it would hurt anything.

We went in and looked around for a minute before a woman who looked in her early fifties came out from behind a curtain door to greet us. She was wearing a long, blue gown with some kind of purple stone hanging from her neck. Her hair was blonde, and it hung down her back to her hips.

"Can I help you ladies find anything?" she asked.

Leah walked up to the counter. "Yeah, we'd like to see about getting some tarot readings."

The old woman's face brightened. "That's wonderful. I'm Lady Adrianna." She held out her hand for a shake. "Come on back, and we'll get you set up."

We walked to the back room, and I looked around while Adrianna got Leah set up at a table with a purple tablecloth. The walls were light purple and had various decorations strung around. I noticed a net, a painting of a dragon, and a mirror with symbols all around the edges.

"I was kind of hoping I could get a reading to predict the gender of my baby," Leah said.

Adrianna nodded. "Wonderful. You must be about three months pregnant?"

"Yes! How did you know?"

"I am psychic, dear."

I rolled my eyes. Everyone else ignored me. I watched with indifference as the old woman picked up a box and made a big show of getting out a deck of cards. Melanie seemed entranced with the whole process as she shuffled and asked Leah to focus on her question. Finally she pulled one of the cards and gave a long speech about the picture it depicted and how it represented the feminine side of things, which meant Leah would have a girl. I was going to laugh when she had a boy.

Melanie was up next. She wanted to know if Matthew was going to get into the private school she wanted. Adrianna went through the whole spiel again and frowned when she apologized and said the cards were showing negative signs, which meant no. She also made a point to say that they weren't always one hundred percent set in stone and she could still change that future.

Then it was my turn. Leah explained that I didn't believe in this stuff. Adrianna smiled a tiny and honestly a little unsettling smile.

"I think we should warm you up first. Can I see your hand please?"

I put my hand in hers. She leaned in close and looked at my palm. She clicked her tongue and looked up at me apologetically. "I see a lot of sadness in your past."

I tried not to let that comment get to me. A lot of people had sadness in their past; it didn't mean she could see anything.

"But I also see a lot of love. Your love line is very strong. You see this here?" She pointed to a line. I nodded. "This tells me that you have done a lot of inner healing in the last few years."

I swallowed. "Yeah." I told myself again it didn't prove anything.

"And this tells me that there's still a lot of healing left to do. It's not going to be smooth sailing, but you're very strong." Could she be any more ambiguous? "And there could be a child in your near future."

I perked up. "A child?" As in a baby?

She nodded. "Yes. Possibly. Should we do your tarot reading and see what they say?"

Suddenly I didn't care that I'd never believed in any of this. I wanted so badly for it to tell me that I would soon have a baby with Jake. "Yes."

She went through the routine with the cards and told me to focus on my question. I didn't want just a yes or no answer, though, so I just thought about my relationship with Jake and where I wanted us to be. She told me she was going to do a more elaborate reading than Leah's or Melanie's since I didn't have a specific question. When she dealt the cards, I found myself looking for anything that suggested a baby. She told me what each placement meant as she put it down. The foundation, the past, the future, my environment . . . I felt myself go cold when she put down the final outcome card. As inexperienced as I was with all this, even I knew the death card when I saw it.

"What is that?" I asked as I pointed at it. I was close to walking away.

She smiled calmly. "Don't worry, honey. That card just means change."

"Change as in from the living to the dead?"

She patted my hand. "Not necessarily. It means a rebirth. The death of one situation to give way for the birth of a new one."

Leah rubbed my shoulders, and I let myself start to calm down. "Okay."

I listened to everything she said as she went through the reading. I shivered when she said a new and unexpected love blossomed out of a time of upheaval and transformation. I could honestly pick out Jake in more than one of the cards. Two of them mentioned the possible birth of a child. It excited me. By the time she finished the reading, I had to wonder if the death card was referring to Jake's views on children. Maybe his dislike would die and give way to a sudden desire to have them. It sounded funny, but I still found myself hoping.

Adrianna didn't charge us for my readings; she said it was worth it if she could get me to accept that it might hold some truth. I had to give it to her; I still didn't believe in all of it, but I did have a new respect for it. On our way out, she gave us some information about a lecture she was doing the next weekend at the community center about astrology.

I texted Jake when we left to tell him I'd gotten a tarot reading. He responded asking me if I'd changed my mind about the superstition stuff. I smiled and told him I wasn't sure.

We hit a few more stores and got a late lunch before Leah took Melanie and me home. I'd had such a fun time, and we all agreed we had to do it again sometime soon. I hadn't realized just how cold it was out until I walked inside and Jake hugged me.

"Did you have a good time?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yes, it was wonderful." I told him about all the stores we'd gone to, and I showed him the things Adrianna had given to me.

He chuckled as he looked through it. "So in a matter of a week you go from telling me it's all nonsense to bringing home this stuff."

I shrugged as I hung up my coat. "She was convincing. I don't think she told me anything she couldn't have guessed, and most of it was pretty vague, but it all seemed to fit." Once I had my boots off, we went back to the bedroom together.

"So what did she tell you?"

I had the coupon book hidden under my shirt and wanted to give it to him tonight. He sat on the bed with his back against the headboard while I got sneaky and hid the book then changed. I crawled up next to him before I answered.

"She told me that I have a partner who is mature, patient, and tolerant; my relationship with my partner came out of a difficult time in my past; there's still a lot of struggle coming up in my life, possibly a baby; and that in the end of it all, things will change a lot." I'd said the baby part quickly with hopes that he wouldn't catch it. I wasn't so lucky.

"She said you were going to have a baby?" He looked down at me like he wasn't sure he liked that.

I swallowed. "Not exactly. Her actual words were, 'This card may also indicate the birth of a child.'"

Jake hummed. "Maybe it means Leah's baby or that we'll babysit Joshua more often." He said it like he really hoped that was what it had all meant.

I tried not to be disappointed. It wasn't like I could realistically expect him to suddenly be okay with that idea. "Maybe." I agreed just to avoid the possibility of starting a fight. I couldn't help but think about the end card and the upcoming change. If it wasn't Jake's opinion about having a baby, was it our relationship in general?

He hugged my shoulders. "I guess we'll just have to see." He kissed my head.

His comment confused me, but I decided I didn't want to think about it anymore. It was all just nonsense anyway; a bunch of good guesses and vague explanations that could fit a wide variety of situations. Even as I told myself that, I still wondered. I leaned into his side a little more and looked at the astrology papers he still had in his hands.

"Let's see, you were born April twenty-first, so you'd be a . . ." he paused to look it up. "Taurus. You're a bull."

I smirked. "What are you?"

"I'm a Leo." He found his and pointed to the lion. I pulled it a little closer to read what it said. After the first few sentences, I snorted.

"You hate being the center of attention."

He shook his head. "No, I don't. I just hate being in crowds among people. I love getting all of your attention."

"But it says you like to be on center stage."

"It also says I'm opinionated, stubborn, proud, and romantic."

I had to admit that fit him very well. "I'm stubborn, too."

He turned back to the bull. "Yep. Bull-headed and stubborn. That's you."

"Gee, thanks."

He chuckled and kissed me. "It also says you like a tender touch, which you do, and you like romance and sappy shit. And you like to play in the dirt."

I sighed. "Okay, so maybe I do."

He closed the booklet and put it on the table by the bed, then he shifted to lay down and tugged my hand to get me to go with him. I did and snuggled up to his side.

"I've never been big into astrology or any of that other shit. I do think it has its place and it's not completely stupid, but I wouldn't live my life around a chart or a reading."

I lifted my leg over his and sighed. "So does it bother you that I think it's too general to do any good?" I looked up at him.

He shook his head. "No. You have our opinion, and I respect that. As long as you respect mine."

I smiled and leaned up to kiss him. "I always have, and I always will."

"I know, babe." He pulled me on top of him and kissed me. "Can you believe we've been married almost a whole year?"

"It seems surreal. Oh, by the way, I have something for you." I crawled off him and leaned over the side of the bed to get the coupon book. Jacob chuckled when I rolled back over.

"You weren't supposed to give me anything until tomorrow."

I gave it to him anyway. "I got something else for you; this is kind of an extra thing."

He flipped through it and nodded. "This is awesome. Can I use one tonight?"

I smiled and nodded. "Yes, but that's for both of us. I can use them on you, too."

As I spoke, he ripped out one of the coupons and handed it to me. I laughed when I looked at it. "I want that one," he said.

"How did I know you'd pick the free blow job first?"

He shrugged. "You know me. Can I have it now?" He seemed excited.

"Yes."

* * *

><p>I woke up the next morning to Jake poking my back. I groaned sleepily and turned over to see him smiling.<p>

"Good morning," he said happily.

"Morning."

He poked me again, and I swatted at his hand. He chuckled. "Wake up. I've been waiting for you to get up for the last ten minutes."

"How dare I make you wait?"

"I don't know, but you better be thinking of ways to make it up to me. I even brought you breakfast in bed." He gestured to the nightstand, and I leaned up on my elbow to see over him. There was a plate with some Pop Tarts, our pills, and some juice.

"How elaborate of you."

He shifted to sit with his back against the headboard and picked up the plate. "It's food, isn't it?"

I stretched and yawned, then I got up and sat next to him. "Yes, it is. Thank you, my very sweet husband." I kissed his cheek and took a Pop Tart.

After breakfast, I got up and got his present from the closet. I gave it to him as I sat down again.

"What is it?" he asked as he stared at it.

"You have to open it."

"Why do you have to torture me so?" He sighed dramatically, then he ripped the paper. I laughed to myself when he pulled out the calendar and started to read it. "WTF Daily Calendar: A daily reminder that today could be fucking worse." He chuckled. "Awesome. Thanks, baby." He leaned over and kissed me.

"I had no idea what to get you, but I saw on that website that the first anniversary is supposed to be paper. I hope that works."

He put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me tightly. "This is fine, babe. Besides, you also got those coupons." He raised his eyebrows. I smiled and kissed him. "I suppose you want your present now, huh?"

I nodded. "That would be nice."

"Oh, all right." He set the calendar aside and wadded up the wrapping paper as he walked to the closet. He tossed it into the bathroom then reached the top shelf where I couldn't even see without a step stool. I caught a glimpse of something that looked like a flower, but I couldn't be sure. He hid it behind his back and came up to me. "Before I give this to you, I want you to know that I worked on it for hours. You can't laugh."

I sat up straighter and held my hands out. "I promise I won't laugh."

He sighed and gave it to me. I had been right; it was a flower. It was fake; the petals were red construction paper cut into hearts and put on a green pipe cleaner. There were even two little leaves curved into the pipe cleaner. The whole thing was stuck in a piece of Styrofoam in a small clay pot.

"You made this?" I asked.

He nodded, and I think he blushed. "Yeah. I was going to get you a rose or something, but I saw that paper thing, too. None of the paper flowers looked right, so I figured I'd make one. Do you like it?"

I set it aside and got on my knees to hug him tightly. "I love it, Jake. Thank you so much."

"Even if it looks like a kindergartner could've done a better job?" He looked over at it with a grimace.

I reached over and got it again. "I think it's perfect. I love the heart petals." I touched one delicately.

"I'm glad you like it, baby. What do you want to do today?"

I set the flower back on the nightstand and shrugged as I laid down on my back. "I don't know. Just lounge around and spend all day being lazy and making love."

He got up on his knees and crawled over me. "I like that idea." He bent to kiss my lips. "In fact, I think we need to start right now."

"I was hoping you'd say that." I reached down and wrapped my hand around his erection through his shorts. He deepened the kiss and lifted up on my shirt.

We spent the day doing little more than having sex like rabbits. It was so nice to have the time to be with him like that. Every now and then, we'd come up for air and talk a bit or find something to eat. We even ventured out to the living room to try to watch a movie, but we ended up ignoring it in favor of making love again on the couch.

By the time the sun set, I was pretty tired. Jacob wouldn't let me go to sleep, though.

"It's bad luck if we don't dance on our honeymoon," he said matter-of-factly.

"Is that so?" He nodded. "We've been dancing horizontally all day."

He chuckled. "You know that's not what I meant. Come on."

I let him drag me out to the living room again where he put on some music and we danced naked together. I had to admit it was pretty fun.

"Thank you for today, Jake."

He kissed me. "Thank you for being my wife for a whole year."

"Don't get excited yet; I plan on there being many, many more."

"There damn well better be. I was thinking something along the lines of forever."

I smiled. "That sounds good to me."

It wasn't long before I noticed he started to get aroused again. I was tired, but I was up for it, too. I took his hands and smiled seductively as I shimmied my hips and led him back down the hall.

* * *

><p>AN: Thank you for reading!

For all my Blood Moon readers, I promise I haven't forgotten about you. Chapter 16 is being a pain in the ass, but I am still working on it. I don't have an ETA at the moment, I apologize. Semi-soon-ish, though, I hope :)

I'm on Twitter and Tumblr, SheeWolf85. Come join me :)


	5. Penguin

A/N: Big hugs and kisses to all of my readers!

A special thank you to WolfGirl1335 for pre-reading for me.

Little Miss Nessie is being introduced to different philosophies and beliefs. Their talk may get a bit heavy, but I tried to make sure it didn't sound textbook-ish. Hopefully it's easy to follow :)

Enjoy!

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><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Five

Penguin

_The hardest parts you'll get through  
>And in the end you'll have your best friend<br>__Love like this may come once  
>Baby, we're fate<br>Like a soul mate, you're my penguin  
>Baby, we're fate<br>Baby, it's fate  
>Not luck<em>

-Penguin – Christina Perri

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><p><em><strong>Renesmee<br>**__Four months later – April 3rd, 2014_

I smiled to myself Thursday evening as Jacob pointed at something on his latest completed project and explained what he'd done. They had the walk-through scheduled for Monday, but as far as Jake was concerned, the thing was done. I'd complained a few times that I never got to see him work. It wasn't anything serious, but I did want to see what he did. He'd given me a brief tour of the grounds the month before, but I wasn't allowed inside. Not only was it against the rules, but Jake was afraid I might get hurt. I still couldn't go inside because it hadn't been signed off by the owners and the contractor, but I was able to at least go past the fence.

I recognized a few things from the blueprints he'd bring home on occasion. He showed me a specific piece of stonework on the second-story windows that had to be redone three times thanks to crappy materials. Harry had finally fired that supplier and went with a new one that worked out.

We went home a little while later and had dinner.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" Jake asked.

I scrunched my nose. "No. Should I be?" Jake and I had therapy in the morning, and I was not looking forward to telling Dr. Furst I hadn't done what he'd asked me to do. I was supposed to write a letter, either to my dad or to myself, explaining that what happened wasn't my fault. I had put it off too long, and now I was pretty much out of time.

"You could still do it tonight."

"Yeah, but I don't want to. I'll deal with it." I shrugged. "He'll probably want to keep my goal the same. We'll see."

Jake nodded. "Okay. You know I'd help if you wanted me to."

I put my hand over his and squeezed his fingers. "I know you would, Jake. I just really don't feel like it right now." April was always a bad month for me. Jake knew it, too.

He met my eyes and smiled. "I understand, baby." He lifted my hand and kissed my fingers.

We watched a movie together, then we got ready for bed. Jake let Faith out before he came in and laid next to me. I snuggled up to him and kissed his neck before I fell asleep.

The next morning, we got up, ate a small breakfast, took our pills, and got ready for therapy. As I'd suspected, Dr. Furst wasn't really surprised that I hadn't written the letter. He asked me to continue working on it and to continue using the safety plan for the rough month ahead. We went over some other things, then it was Jake's turn. I read over some papers I'd been given while I waited for him. I was crying like I usually was at the end of therapy. It didn't really seem to matter what we talked about; even after all these years, it was still hard to sit in there and talk about my dad in any way.

After we went home, we sat down on the couch to talk about our sessions.

"How'd it go today, babe?" Jacob asked.

I shrugged. "It was . . . deep. We got into some heavy stuff. I'm not really sure I understand it all." I had the papers Dr. Furst had given to me. I'd read a little about causality and synchronicity before, but I never thought of either in a real life sort of way and how they might apply to me.

His brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

I licked my lips and gave him the papers. He started to look them over. "Well, you know the last few years we've been talking about why I feel guilty about my dad's death. We've gone over fate, God's plan, and even the string theory a little, but he's introducing me to other possible explanations just to get me to realize that it wasn't my fault. I didn't cause the accident to happen."

Jacob put his arm around my shoulders and kissed my head. "You have no idea how good it is to hear you say that, Ness."

I shrugged. "I still don't know if I believe it. I mean, logically, I understand what he's saying. I get that I didn't sit there and make the other car run the red light or the big truck hit him. At the same time, it was me that made him feel like he had to leave at that specific time to calm down and clear his head." I sighed and shook my head. "Dr. Furst says I'm doing what he calls 'internal attribution.'" I found the paper that talked about it and showed Jake. "I'm claiming direct responsibility for what happened."

Jake nodded and read the paper. "He's right, Ness, that's exactly what you're doing. I'm really happy to hear that you're at least willing to accept other possibilities, though. What about this one: External attribution. Blame an outside agent or force. Blame the guy that ran the red light and pushed your dad's car in front of the truck. Hell, blame God for putting it all in place."

I wiped my eyes and shook my head. "But they didn't start the argument, Jake. I did."

He made me look at him and kissed my lips. "The argument is a completely separate set of events, Ness. Completely separate; it had nothing to do with the accident at all."

I pulled back and huffed. "That's what Dr. Furst says. Then he brings in this shit about synchronicity, and I see how it all fits together."

Jacob furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

I found the paper and showed him. "See? Synchronicity talks about seemingly separate events that are tied together by meaning."

He read the few paragraphs. "I think he gave these to you as a different explanation, Ness, not to give you more reason to believe you were behind it all."

"But don't you see, Jake? The fight and the accident might not be directly related, but it's a series of events that are tied together with a meaning. I started the fight, so I caused the outcome." I wiped my eyes again and ran my fingers through my hair.

He shook his head. "No, you didn't. I understand what you're saying about all these events being tied together, but I won't agree that you were the catalyst."

"I don't expect you to."

He sighed. "So what happened to your motto about shit happening? There's no fate, no predetermined crap; it all just happens."

He set the papers down on the coffee table and leaned back. I shifted to curl up against him and nuzzled my face against his neck. "I've always believed that people just give names like fate to things in their life to make sense of whatever chaos they were going through. I don't know if I actually believe in any of that stuff, Jake, but it feels good to put a name to it, you know? It never was just a random event to me; it was something that I caused, no matter how indirectly. It feels almost like a relief to give it a name."

I felt him nod against the top of my head. "I do know what you mean, baby. But you know I believe in fate."

I looked up to meet his eyes. "All the time, like every aspect of your life is predetermined?"

He pursed his lips. "No, not like that. Just the big things like when you're born, who you'll fall in love with and when, and when you're going to die."

He really confused me sometimes. "So you believe that your dad suffered with diabetes and died the way he did because it was God's plan for him?"

"No, I didn't say God's plan. I said fate. I don't like it, Ness, but yes, I believe that both my parents died the way they did and when they did for a reason. Who knows; maybe it was so I could have a better appreciation for you and what you're going through."

I furrowed my brow. "So why did my dad die like that, then? Was it in the cards for me to go through two years of being totally alone, or was that not part of the fate thing?" I sat up and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to trash on what you believe, Jake. It just doesn't make sense to me."

He sat up with me and kissed my head. "I know, baby. You didn't upset me. I still believe that for whatever reason, we both went through the things we did so we could be together. It wasn't a coincidence that you got hired at _Debt to Wealth_ when I put in my two weeks' notice."

I nodded and leaned into him. "I can't say I believe it was coincidence, either, but I don't know if it was fate. It was synchronicity."

He smiled and shook his head. "No, it wasn't. It was fate, babe. We were always meant to be together. We're like soul mates."

I snorted. "There's no such thing as soul mates, Jake."

"Oh, really?" He raised his eyebrow and pulled me onto his lap. "Tell me why you and I have been together so long, then? Why did I fall so deeply in love with you even after I'd given up on women for a while? I wasn't looking for a girlfriend. I wasn't even looking for a friend. You just showed up, and I couldn't stop thinking about you. You can't tell me you didn't think about me, too."

I shrugged and rested against him. "Yeah, I thought about you."

"If I'm not your soul mate, then why was I the only person you let in? Why not make friends with someone else at the call center and let them in, too?"

Now he was just getting ridiculous. "Because you didn't give up, Jake. You wouldn't let me stay locked up inside myself."

"Damn straight. I always knew there was something wrong, even from the moment I first saw you hooked up with Vikki."

I sighed. "It doesn't mean anything, Jake. It only says you're very good at reading people."

"All right." He kissed my head. "You can believe that all you want. I know the truth, though. You and I were meant to be together, and not even the hardest of times for both of us could keep us apart. We were meant to heal and love each other." He hugged me tightly.

I couldn't deny that it felt good to put that name on our relationship. At the same time, it didn't make a lot of sense to me. If we were meant to be together, then we could have had a life without all the tragedy. We could have loved each other without all the fights and the pain. Then I thought of something that hurt, although I didn't really know why.

"Jake?" He kissed my head and hummed. "Isn't a soul mate supposed to be someone who complements the other person? Like both people are alike and want the same things and stuff like that?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

"Then we can't really be soul mates."

He cocked his head to the side. "Why do you say that?"

I shrugged. "Because I still want kids, and you still don't."

He sighed and rubbed my back. "I also put up a fight about marriage, but eventually gave in."

"Are you saying you'll eventually give in and want babies?" I couldn't stop my hope from showing itself in my voice.

"Anything's possible. One day, pigs might even learn to fly."

I frowned. "I'm trying really hard to see things your way, Jake, but I just can't. There was no divine energy guiding us to that stupid call center so we'd meet. It was me trying to learn how to live again and you quitting your job. That's all."

He nodded. "I'm okay with that, baby. I mean, that you believe that."

I was really starting to get annoyed with him and the way he brushed off the subject of kids. I turned on his lap a little and met his eyes. I was glad he was in a good mood, but I probably would have brought it up even if he wasn't. "Jake, we haven't talked about kids in a while. Are you really still adamant that you don't want one?"

He nodded and pulled me close. "Yes, I am."

"Why?"

He reached up and rubbed his forehead with his fingers. "Same reason I've always been against it, Ness. I don't like kids."

I pushed back and sat up. "You like Joshua. You can't tell me you don't."

"I _tolerate_ Joshua. He's a cute kid and all, but I don't think I could handle having one of him here all the damn time."

"I saw you when Leah said she was having another boy. You looked happy, Jake. Tell me you really, honestly don't want a son to carry on the Black name."

He took a deep breath and shook his head. "No, not really. I don't think the Black family tree would like me much for passing on the bipolar genes, either."

My fists clenched, and I got off his lap. "Oh, you frustrate me so badly sometimes. Your great-grandfather passed it on, and I've never once heard you say anything bad about him."

"I didn't know him, Nessie."

"Well, neither your grandfather nor your father got it, so there's a damn good chance your child wouldn't either." He had to know this argument was getting tiresome.

"What do you want me to say, Ness?" He sat up straight and held his hands out as he questioned me. "Do you want me to just agree to have a kid with you when I know I'd fuck it up? I don't fucking like kids."

I was ready to give up on ever convincing him. I stood up and shrugged. "Okay, fine. So we'll just live out our whole lives without making a real family." I heard Faith at the back door and turned to go let her in. "I agreed to marry you, I've been faithful to you, and I've done everything you ever asked me to do. All I'm asking is that you consider adding a baby to our little family, but no. You won't even agree to think about it." I opened the door to let Faith in and bent down to hug her. She whined and licked my face.

I didn't bother saying anything else. My point had been made loud and clear to him several times. I was tired of stressing it when he already knew. As I walked back to the bedroom, I thought about everything Dr. Furst and Jake had said about causality and synchronicity. It was all just fancy talk made up to try to explain the chaos of life. There was no higher power or deeper energy that said Jake and I were meant to be together. It was still a nice fantasy, though, even when he made me angry.

I laid down on the bed and took a deep breath. I loved Jake and every part of my life with him. Despite the trials we still faced, we were strong and only getting better. I hadn't ever doubted that we would be married a long time, but now I was starting to. I hated thinking it. I knew that not every marriage lasted, though. A few of my friends on the online PTSD forum had gotten divorced, one of them only eight months after getting married. How long would I have with Jake before one or both of us gave up and decided the other really wasn't what we were looking for after all?

I heard Jake coming down the hall and turned on my side facing the door. He stopped in the doorway and leaned against the frame.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah."

He walked around the bed and got on. I shifted to push myself against him. "I'm a stubborn asshole, Ness, you know that."

I sniffled and nodded. "Yeah, and I'm stubborn, too."

He kissed my head. "I'm sorry this has to keep turning into a fight."

I leaned back to look at him. "Does it really have to?"

"You know as well as I do that neither of us wants to give in. Honestly, Ness, I'm glad you won't. I don't want you to."

I closed my eyes tightly, fighting another rush of frustration. "Then what do you want?"

"I want to leave it up to fate."

I opened my eyes. "What?"

He shrugged. "If we have a kid, we have a kid. If not, we don't."

I raised an eyebrow. "Really?" My voice was flat.

He nodded. "Yes. Nothing we do can stop it if it's meant to be."

I narrowed my eyes. "But you won't try for one?"

"No. I'm asking you to keep taking birth control, and I'm going to keep wearing condoms."

I sighed. "Dammit, Jake . . . You're asking me to put all of my hope on something I don't even believe in. I can't do that."

"Then don't think of it as fate, Ness. That's what I'm calling it. You think of it however you want. If you conceive, then we have a kid." He brushed my hair behind my shoulder. "That's the best I can offer you right now, baby."

I smacked his chest and sat up. "Take it or leave it then, huh? God, I wish I could see in your head sometimes and figure out what the hell is going on in there. Did you really think that would make me happy? If we keep doing what we've been doing, we will never have a baby. Oh, but that would suit you just fine. Never mind what I want." I stood up and turned to face him. "But that's how it's always been, right? It's all about what you want, and fuck me." My eyes watered, and I told myself to stop, but I just couldn't. "What I want only matters to you when it's something important to you, too."

Jacob got up and walked around the bed. "You know that's not true, Nessie." His voice was hard.

"It's not? What about therapy? You only agreed to go because it got you what you wanted in return." I could literally see the daggers I was throwing at him. "What about getting married? The fact that I wanted it didn't even cross your mind until _you_ decided you wanted me like that."

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Fucking Christ, Nessie, you're bringing up shit from four goddamn years ago? And don't even bring in the goddamn marriage. You had a chance to say no."

I felt sick. "Maybe I should have." God, where were these words coming from?

He stopped for a brief moment. He looked truly hurt, but then he hardened again. "Regret is an ugly bitch, isn't it?" He turned and left the room. A moment later, I heard him curse and the front door slam.

I sat on the edge of the bed and cried into my hands. I felt the bed shake when Faith jumped up, but I didn't move to acknowledge her. How did things get so screwed up? I didn't regret one single moment of my life with Jacob, especially not my decision to marry him.

I cried until I was out of tears, then I laid down and snuggled with Faith. The next time I looked at the clock, I was surprised to find it was already four o'clock. It had been nearly one when I first came in. Jake wasn't usually gone for so long.

I squished a fierce stab of terror in my gut and got up. I called his name to see if he'd come back in and I just hadn't noticed. He didn't answer me, and I still couldn't find him anywhere. I put Faith's collar and leash on her to take her outside and look with me. His car was still there, but that didn't surprise me. He usually walked when he needed to clear his head. He wasn't anywhere around the house. We went back in, and I called his phone. When I heard it ringing in the bedroom, all of my attempts at being logical disappeared. It was a little over a week before the sixth anniversary of my dad's death. It seemed appropriate that I should lose Jake now in much the same way.

I had hurt my dad the worst that day. I found a way to cut him deep before I left. It might have been Jake that left this time, but it was still me that did the cutting. I made him leave.

I was in our bedroom sitting on the floor and staring at the black curtain over the window. It didn't seem like much, but it was proof that Jake loved me and that my needs were important to him. If they weren't, he wouldn't block every tiny ray of sunshine from his house for four years just to keep me safe. I had known that my words weren't true even as I said them. I had just wanted him to agree to try. It seemed so stupid now. I could leave it up to fate, causality, synchronicity, or even serendipity. Whatever Jake or anyone else wanted to call it. Just because I hadn't conceived in nearly four years didn't mean it wouldn't ever happen. I could even pretend to forget to take one of my pills, although I knew that wouldn't slip past Jake's notice.

In the end, it was just a stupid thing to get so worked up about. I wasn't upset because I was desperate to have a baby. I was still willing to be patient and wait a while. I was just frustrated and wanted him to tell me that someday we could try. I really hoped I got the chance to set this right.

Somewhere in the distance, I heard the sound of a door closing. It was all but lost among the other sounds around me. Faith whimpered a few times, and Jake's phone beeped periodically to let him know he'd missed a call. Footsteps were muffled, and I think a drawer was pulled out. I heard a voice, but it was so far away and sounded as if they were talking through cotton.

"Nessie!"

Jake was suddenly in front of me. He was kneeling and shaking my shoulders. I met his eyes and realized slowly that he was still alive. I was so relieved; I wanted to throw myself at him. I couldn't. I felt like I could hardly move. My eyes watered, and I just leaned into him. He picked me up and laid with me on the bed. I couldn't breathe, let alone explain anything to him. I held him as tightly as I could and cried into his chest. He didn't move; he rubbed my back and shushed me in his comforting way until I started to calm down.

"Are you okay, Ness?" he asked.

I didn't want to move. It felt too good to have him near me. "I am now."

"What happened? You were almost catatonic when I came in, baby. You didn't say anything or even move until I shook you." He pushed me back and met my eyes.

I licked my lips and sighed. "You were gone for so long. I tried to call, but your phone was on the nightstand. I was so scared, Jake."

He kissed me and touched my cheek. "I'm fine, baby. I'm right here. It just took me a long time to think things through. I'm sorry I scared you."

New tears filled my eyes. "I'm so sorry. I don't regret our marriage. I love you _so much_, but sometimes it hurts."

He nodded. "I know, baby. We both said things we didn't mean. I love you, too, and I know you're happy with me. I'm very happy with you. We just need to find a way to compromise with this baby situation. I really hoped that just waiting it out and seeing what happened would be okay for you. I probably should have known better."

I reached up to touch his face and stretched to kiss his lips. "We can do that. You know how badly I want a baby someday, and I know that you're not excited about it. Let's just wait and see." I'd waited this long, I could wait longer to convince him to try. And, truthfully, it was better than what I'd always gotten before.

"Are you sure you're okay with that?"

I nodded. "Yes."

He smiled, and my heart warmed at the sight of it. "Thank you." He kissed me.

I sniffled and pushed myself closer to him. "I really am so sorry. I know we were both upset, but I don't think that's any excuse for what I said. I am so happy that I married you. I could never imagine myself with anyone else, ever. If there was such a thing as soul mates, I'd like to believe you were mine."

I felt his fingers running through my hair. "I _am_ yours. Soul mates, kismet, fate, Moira, or whatever else it's called, I'm yours."

I pulled back a little to wipe my eyes. "Isn't Moira one of the three Greek Fates?"

"You know your mythology. That's hot, Ness."

I chuckled. "I read a lot. You know that."

He pushed me onto my back and leaned over me as he kissed my lips. "Yes, I do know that. It's still hot." He kissed me again, but neither of us moved to deepen it. I was content to just snuggle with him for a while. I'd worn myself out both mentally and physically with everything that had happened that day.

"I'm tired," I told him when he broke the kiss.

He nodded. "I thought so. You look weary. Are you hungry?"

I shook my head. "Not really."

"I am. You stay here and rest. I'll be in to lay with you in a bit. I love you."

"Okay. I love you, too."

He kissed me one more time before he got up and went to the kitchen. I sighed and rolled to my side. I heard Jake asking Faith if she wanted to go outside, then the back door opened. I smiled to myself and looked at my ring. I tried to stay awake long enough to see him when he came back to me, but it wasn't even five minutes before I started to slip in and out of consciousness. I gave up and let myself fall asleep.

* * *

><p>AN: Thank you for reading!

This chapter took me by surprise. Chapter 5 was originally supposed to be in Jake's POV and cover much more of April. This started out as a quick little foray into the philosophy conversation to get insight into Nessie's state of mind. She took over and made this happen. The next chapter will be the rest of what happens in April for them :)


	6. Beautiful Mess

A/N: Did Jake upset you in the last chapter? If so, good. If not . . . well, he has plenty of redeeming qualities. The last chapter was just the beginning. I don't think anyone can argue that Nessie has been getting so much stronger, but she still lets herself get pushed around a lot. Get ready to say goodbye to pushover-Nessie.

Special thanks to WolfGirl1335 for pre-reading. Hugs and kisses, darling.

Enjoy the long chapter and the luvin! :)

* * *

><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Six

Beautiful Mess

_Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say  
>Kind of turn themselves into blades<br>And kind and courteous is a life I've heard  
>But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear<br>Cause here we are, Here we are  
>We're still here<br>What a beautiful mess this is_

-A Beautiful Mess – Jason Mraz

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><p><em><strong>Jacob<br>**__April 12th, 2014_

"Are you okay, Ness?" I asked Saturday evening as I drove. We were headed to the cemetery to see her dad's grave. It was the day before the anniversary of his death. We'd decided the year before last that going on the actual day wasn't a good idea. Ness was so much stronger than ever before, but April thirteenth was always the worst day of the year for her. I vowed to just be there with her and help in any way I could.

She squeezed my fingers and sniffled as she nodded. "Yeah, I think so." Her other hand tightened on the small bouquet of flowers she'd made. She took a deep breath and gave me a sad excuse of a smile.

"You don't have to pretend for me, baby." I turned in to the cemetery. "You know that."

"Yeah, I know."

I parked the car and got out. She waited for me to come around and open her door for her. I took her hand and led her over to the headstone. She put the flowers in the metal tube provided and sat down with her back against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and let her do what she needed to do.

"Six years . . ." She sniffled and wiped her nose. "It doesn't feel like that long." I wasn't sure who she was talking to. I just kissed her head and tightened my hold on her. She started to trace the letters of his name like she did every time we came. She was quiet for a long while before she leaned back and rested her head on my shoulder.

"You're doing good, baby."

"Thank you." She took a deep breath. "I miss him so much." I nodded but didn't say anything. "I miss him all the time, you know? But this is when it really hits me hard." Her voice was strained. I wished I could do something to make her feel better. I knew all I could do—all she really needed me to do—was hold her and make damn sure she knew she wasn't alone.

We stayed for a while until she was ready to leave. She traced her dad's name a few more times.

"I love you, daddy." She kissed her fingers and put them on his headstone like I'd always done with my parents. She was still crying quietly when we got home.

"Do you feel a little better?" I asked after she hung her jacket up.

She shrugged and pushed herself against me. Her arms wrapped around my waist, and she put her face in my chest. "I don't know." Her voice was muffled.

I hugged her tightly and bent to kiss her head. "I love you."

She nodded. "I love you, too."

We pulled apart and went to let Faith in. After Ness fed her, we went to the bedroom to get ready for bed. I didn't bother setting my alarm. Anyone who mattered knew what tomorrow was and knew I wouldn't be going to work. Although Ness had worked on her safety plan earlier, we both still expected it to be a bad night. I was prepared to stay awake all night with her if she needed me to.

We got into bed, and she snuggled up to me. "Goodnight, Jake." She kissed me and rested her head on my shoulder.

I hugged her and kissed her head. "Goodnight, Ness."

I laid awake for a long time thinking about past years and how much better she had done today. The first year I spent with her—the third anniversary of his death—was one of the hardest we'd ever gone through. She didn't want me anywhere near her then. She had wanted to spend the whole week by herself. I wouldn't let her be completely alone, but I did try to give her some space. The next two years were progressively better. It gave me hope that someday she wouldn't be brought down so far.

After tomorrow, the next obstacle we had to get through was her birthday. She still had trouble celebrating it. I'd been able to buy her a present the last few years, but it was always just her and me. I'd tried to tell her that it was easier to get through with friends, but she didn't want to hear it. I wondered if this year she'd let someone else be with her. We had a week, and I figured I'd talk to her about it in a few days.

I must have dozed off at some point, because Faith woke me up at two-fifteen. She'd jumped up on the bed at Nessie's feet and started to whimper loudly. I sighed and rubbed my face before I turned to Ness. Sure enough, her whole body was rigid. Her whimpers mixed with the dog's, and her fists were clenched tightly around the blanket. I ran my fingers through my hair and waited to see which dream it was. If it was the one with her dad, she'd cry and I could wake her up. If she screamed, it was the dead version of herself. A few moments later, her back arched and she cried out. Fuck.

I sat up and clenched my eyes tightly. Faith stood up and licked Nessie's arm. I grabbed her collar and tugged gently to get her to come over to me. "Not this time, Faith." She gave me a heartbreaking look. "I know. I want to wake her up, too. You know we can't with this one." I scratched her ears and sighed. "Come on."

I swung my legs over the side of the bed. Faith jumped down, and I slid onto the floor with her. There was always a part of me when she had these dreams that wanted to ignore everything Dr. Furst had ever told us and just wake her up when she started to scream. The scar on my arm from when she bit me was just one reminder of why that was a bad idea. I'd tried it a few times over the years only to have it proven again that the man knew what he was talking about. She had told me that when I interfered, the dream got worse or it was harder for her to get out of it.

Luckily, the dreams didn't seem to last as long anymore. When she gasped and sat up, I was back on the bed before she could even turn to see me. Her whole body was shaking when she reached out to grab my arms and pull herself closer to me. I held her tightly and whispered whatever came to mind.

"I'm here, baby. I've got you."

She nodded and clung to me harder for a moment before she pulled back. "I need a drink."

I got up and went out to the kitchen with her. I stood beside her as she got a drink and leaned against the counter. She took a few deep breaths before she turned to look up at me.

I reached out and smoothed her hair down her back. "Where was she this time?"

She shuddered and put her hands on my chest. "In the bedroom. She cut my throat."

I rubbed her back. "How would you have changed it?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, Jake. She's always so much stronger than me."

I made her look up at me and kissed her lips. "It only seems like that, baby. You're the stronger one. What if you could leave the house? Make it nighttime in your dreams and go somewhere else."

She licked her lips and nodded. "That might work."

I smiled and kissed her again. "That's my girl. I love you, Ness."

She hugged me tightly and kissed my chest. "I love you, too."

"Tired?"

She nodded and yawned. We went back to bed. Faith laid down behind Ness and put her head on Ness' hip. She smiled and scratched the dog's ears. "Goodnight, Faith." She settled down and kissed my neck. "Goodnight again, Jake."

"'Night, babe. No more bad dreams." I kissed her forehead and sighed.

* * *

><p>Sunday was spent mostly quietly in bed. Ness went out to her garden for a while, then we watched a movie. After that, she wanted to lie down again. I couldn't help but try to come on to her a few times, but she wasn't feeling it.<p>

"Are you looking forward to tomorrow?" she asked as we laid together.

I played with her hair and shrugged one shoulder. "Not particularly. I'm telling myself it's no different than any other project."

She leaned up on her elbow. "That's not true. It's different and exciting. I'm so proud of you, you know that?"

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, babe."

In February, Harry had announced that he wanted to retire soon. He'd talked to Leah first. She wasn't interested in taking over completely, but she did want to be a part of the business. Seth wanted in on that as well, and somehow or another, I let them talk me into it as well. All three of us were partners in the business, and our next project would be the first we'd work on together. Leah was managing all of the office crap, Seth was handling the supplies and talking to people, and I was managing the site. It pretty much worked out perfectly all around, but I felt like a sucker for having signed on at all.

"Everything will be great. Remember how much you hated being foreman at first?" She smiled a little bit and kissed my cheek. "You ended up loving it."

I couldn't deny it. "Yeah, I guess." I reached up and touched her chin. "You make it all worth it."

Her smile widened. "You give me too much credit."

"I think you mean not nearly enough." I pulled her down and kissed her. She deepened it for a moment before she pulled back.

"Okay, Jake; you don't give me enough credit. I deserve it all." She lifted her chin in an attempt to look stuck-up. It didn't work. She was just too damn sexy no matter the angle.

I chuckled and poked her side. "Yes, you do."

She poked me back, and I gave up. "Like you're not worthy of a hefty amount yourself. You're the only reason I'm able to function today, and you know it."

I shook my head. "Not true. You've done a hell of a lot of work to get this far, baby. I helped when I could, but this is you. I'm really fucking proud of you."

She sighed. "Thank you." She settled down again, practically laying on my side with her head on my chest. "I love you."

"Love you, too."

* * *

><p>The start of a project was always a pain in the ass. Harry showed up just for GP while Leah, Seth, and I worked out the plans and how to get everything started. Once everything got squared away, we got to work.<p>

"Does it make you miss the old days?" I asked Leah as she stood beside me.

She shrugged. She looked so content. "Not really. We had some good times, but I'm loving this whole mother thing." She rubbed her stomach, already huge. She was due in June. "Did I tell you what Sam and I discovered at our last appointment?" I shook my head. "It's not a boy. The umbilical cord was mistaken for a penis. I'm having a little girl."

I put my arm around her shoulders. "You sound happy."

"I am very happy. Josh is so thrilled; he's been asking for a baby sister since he was two." She chuckled. "Did Ness tell you the psychic in December had predicted a girl?"

"Yeah, she did. I think she might have been a little disappointed when you said it was a boy."

Leah nodded. "Well, two out of three have come true. Matthew didn't pass the test to get into that private school, and I'm having a girl. So when are you gonna get Ness knocked up?"

I scoffed. "I don't know. We decided a few weeks ago to leave it up to fate."

She looked up at me. "Really?" I just nodded again. "Hmm. Okay, well, you two have fun with that. I need to sit my ass down."

I patted her back and let her walk away. I took a deep breath and got on with my job.

By the time I made it home that night, I was so ready for a damn break. Ness had made some kind of soup for dinner. It smelled good.

"How was your day?" she asked as I hugged her in the kitchen.

"It was fucking hell. We had so many goddamn problems with the plot. I think we got most of them worked out, though." I kissed her. "We'll see what else goes wrong tomorrow. How was your day?"

She smiled. "It was a very good day, considering. I put on some music after you left and pretty much just spent the day playing with Faith."

I nodded and kissed her again. "That's good, baby. Is that about ready?" I gestured to the pot on the stove.

"Yeah, pretty much. Go take a shower." She patted my chest. I got one more kiss before I walked away.

My schedule at work hadn't changed much the last few projects. Knowing the contractor helped, but now actually being a part of the business gave me a lot more control. I liked having Friday and Saturday off, so I kept that up. The problems at the site had mostly been worked out by Wednesday. Thursday went much smoother, which helped my attitude greatly. I realized when I went home on Thursday that Ness' birthday was the next Monday.

"What do you want to do for your birthday?" I asked her after dinner. We sat on the couch, and she snuggled up to me.

"I don't know. Something little like usual." She half-shrugged one shoulder and kissed my neck.

I tightened my arm around her shoulders. "I was kind of thinking maybe we could invite some other people to come over."

She shook her head immediately. "No. I just want it to be you and me."

I made her look up at me and kissed her lips. "Baby, it's been just you and me for four years. You know Leah and Melanie would love the chance to help you celebrate."

She leaned back. "I know they would, but I wouldn't. I'm just . . . I'm not ready for that yet." She looked down.

"Ness, you have been doing so damn good with everything. Don't you think it's time to move forward a little more? It wouldn't have to be anything big; just two or three other people. Have a real birthday party."

"I don't want to. I know you're trying to help and you want me to keep progressing, but that's a little too much for me right now." She scooted away from me and sighed.

I wasn't sure why it bugged me so much that she still wanted to stay locked up. I didn't really want to fight about it, though. "Okay, Ness." I pulled her back over to me. I hoped if I worked it right, I could talk her into having something of a party a little later.

Friday we had therapy. Ness went first like always. She was strangely quiet when she came out. She just gestured to the office and sat down.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She nodded, but still didn't say anything. I pursed my lips and went to see the good doctor.

"What did you talk about?" I asked him as soon as the door shut.

"You know I can't go into specifics, even with you. I can tell you that it was about the past week and upcoming events. The rest you'll have to hear from her."

I didn't like that so much. I let it go as much as I could and talked to him about the last few weeks since our last appointment. By the time I walked out, I just wanted to get home so I could talk to Ness. She stood up and took my hand as we left.

"So what happened in there?" I asked when we got into the car.

She shrugged. "Not much."

"Please don't lie to me, Nessie."

She peeked up at me and sighed. "We talked about Sunday and a little bit about my birthday. I told him exactly what I told you; I'm not ready for a party and celebrating and all that. Being with you is one thing—you're my husband—but I don't want anyone else around."

I nodded. I didn't say anything else about it until we got home. Once we were in the house, I pulled her close to me and kissed her. "Can I ask you something?"

She nodded and urged me over to the couch. "What is it?"

"Do you think maybe you're just putting this off because you're scared? What I mean is, this could really help you to move forward."

She moved away from me. "You know, I am really getting tired of this. Don't you think I would know if I'm ready for something or not?"

I knew I should let it go. She was right. I couldn't, though; this was so important, and every year it broke my heart to see her just going through the motions on a day that should be celebrated. It frustrated me so badly that she wouldn't even try. "How long will it be until you are ready? Are you going to spend your whole fucking life alone on your birthday?" I hadn't meant to yell at her.

She pulled back when I tried to reach out to her. "I didn't think I was alone."

I sighed and shook my head. "Nessie, please. Just invite one other person. Please?"

She stood up and turned to me. "Why the hell is this so damn important to you?" she demanded. "You know how I feel about this. I'm sorry if I'm not progressing as fast as you think I should, but this shit takes time. Even Dr. Furst said I should take it at my own pace. Why can he see that I'm not ready but you can't? You're my damn husband, Jake. You could at least try to understand."

I told myself again to just calm down and forget it. Wait another year. But, fuck, she'd gone six years now with nothing but me. I stood up and ran my fingers through my hair. "I am trying to understand, Ness."

She shook her head. "I don't think you are. You keep telling me you're on my side, but then you do shit like this. Just stop pushing me, okay?"

"I just want to help."

"No, you don't. You want me to cave to your will like every other time. I'm not going to do it."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

She huffed. "Right, like you don't know." She walked around to the other side of the coffee table. "Every damn time we argue, I end up giving in."

My brow furrowed. "What about last time?"

"Do you mean the other day when you said okay but then brought it up again today? Or did you mean two weeks ago when you walked away and I gave in?"

"This is fucking ridiculous." I could feel my blood pressure rising. I couldn't stand yelling at her. I hated it, but sometimes she made it so fucking easy.

"I agree. I've let you get away with it for so long now, but not anymore."

I took a second to breathe and hopefully calm down a little bit. "Didn't we already go through this?"

She licked her lips and shifted her weight. I realized then that she was shaking. "I'm prepared to keep going through this until you understand that I'm not going to let you push me around anymore. I'm your wife, not your pet."

My stomach felt suspended in shock for a moment before the reality of her words hit me. My fists clenched, and I took a step closer to her. "I have _never_ thought of you like that. Ever. How—"

She cut me off. "Don't start, Jake."

I wanted to hit something so bad. I stared at her for a second before I turned and walked to the door. She was faster than me and put herself in front of the handle.

"Don't you dare leave," she spat.

"Get out of my way, Ness." I barely had enough control to not push her out of the way.

She shook her head. "No. Not this time." Her voice was shaking like the rest of her.

I reached out to move her, and she slapped my hand. I took her arms and pulled her away.

She pushed away from me. "If you walk out that door, I won't be here when you get back."

I turned to look at her. "What?"

She stared at me with huge, wet eyes. "I mean it. I'm not going to let you do this to me anymore. If you leave, so do I."

My stomach twisted. "You leave as in . . ."

She sniffled. "As in, I don't want to be your wife anymore if you're going to keep this up."

I felt like I'd been hit in the gut with a steel two-by-four. "Ness—"

"I've figured you out, Jacob Black. You leave here in the heat of an argument so you don't have to deal with it anymore. You know that by the time you get back, I've had enough time to get scared and tell myself that whatever we were fighting about is stupid." Her hands clenched into fists and more tears fell down her cheeks. "I'm so sick of it. I'm so sick of giving in just because I'm afraid to lose you. God, how many times have I _begged_ you not to leave? I won't let you use my conditions against me anymore."

"I have never used anything against you, Ness. What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Oh, please. I'm not an idiot. Why do you leave? Honestly?"

I swallowed. "To calm down so we don't have to keep fighting."

She huffed. "I don't think so. I think you leave because you know I can't follow you. You know how to get what you want. Four years with you, and I finally get it." She wiped her nose with her arm and took a deep breath. "You're a manipulative asshole."

I saw it then. I saw exactly what she thought I was doing. I'd leave in hopes of calming down and keeping some kind of peace between us. She'd have time to calm down, too. When I'd come back, we'd both apologize and make up. That wasn't how she saw it. She thought I was intentionally scaring her to get her to do what I wanted. Was I doing that? I didn't think so. I never once walked away with the intention of using her PTSD or photosensitivity against her.

"Ness . . ." I took a step toward her, but she held her hands up.

"Don't, Jake. Don't even touch me if you're not willing to see this through to the end." She shook her head quickly, causing her hair to fall in front of her face. She used one hand to push it back.

I was close enough to reach out and take her hand. "I'm not going anywhere anymore, Nessie." I knew deep in my gut that, whether she was right or not, it's what I'd made her feel. I'd somehow found a way to disguise it as something else, but she saw through it. It made me sick to think that I was capable of doing that to her. It wasn't going to happen again. "Tell me what to do to make this better."

She was quiet for a moment as she looked at our hands. Her lips trembled and her eyes filled with more tears. When she looked up at me, my heart broke for her. She looked so confused but so determined at the same time. She sniffled and half-shrugged one shoulder.

"I don't know." She kind of leaned into me, but stopped and took a step back. She tried to pull away from me. I held her hand tighter and pulled her to me.

"I'm so sorry, Nessie. I fucked up."

"That's not going to work this time."

I closed my eyes and let her go. "What do you want me to do? I honestly want to fix this."

She licked her lips and shifted her weight. "Why don't we start with my birthday? I don't want a party, I don't want to go anywhere, and I don't want any visitors. Why can't it just be you and me like always?"

I clenched my jaw and repeated to myself that she was the one who needed to set that pace. "Okay." I hated it. I wanted to hit something. "Just you and me." My voice was rough. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.

"And can you please stop acting like it's the worst thing in the world when you _do_ give me something I want? Does it really make your life so miserable to let me have something?" She wiped her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

I took another deep breath. "No, it doesn't. I want you to be happy."

"Are you sure? Can you deal with me being a real person and not your puppet?"

"Ness, please stop. I'm sorry, okay? I didn't realize what I was doing. I see it now, and I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"We'll see. I love you, Jake. I really do love you so much, but do you understand why I'm so mad?"

I nodded. "Yes." I felt like a young boy getting reprimanded by my mother. I held out my hand for hers and waited. She put hers in mine and stepped up to me. "I love you, Nessie."

She nodded and kissed my chest. "I know."

"Are we okay?"

She shrugged. "I think we have some work to do." She pulled back to look up at me. "I'm sorry, Jake; I know it probably seems like this came out of nowhere. I've been thinking about it a lot since our last big fight, though."

"Why didn't you say anything before?"

"I wasn't sure how to bring it up or what to say. I guess it all kind of blew up today." She sniffled and hugged me tightly.

"I know how that feels, baby." I wrapped my arms around her and closed my eyes.

"Thank you for not leaving."

I kissed her head. "I promise I'll do my best not to leave like that again."

She pulled away and took my hand to lead me back to the couch. She straddled my lap and kissed my lips. I held her waist lightly. "I want you to know something, Jake. I didn't mean everything I said earlier. If you leave, I won't demand a divorce and leave you forever." She hesitated a moment and licked her lips. I waited to hear what she needed to say. "But, I can't keep watching you walk away. It kills me every time you do, especially when you're gone a long time. I might be doing better, but that doesn't mean I don't get scared. Every single time you leave like that, I remember that day with my dad. I want you to remember that, okay? I'm not saying this to make you feel bad; I just want you to understand what it does to me. I feel sick inside wondering if I'll ever have the chance to make things right. Please don't do that to me again."

"I thought things were easier for you after I stopped taking the car."

She nodded. "It did get easier for a while. I still can't help but think about all the things that could happen to you." She shuddered and leaned into me.

I wasn't sure what to say, so I just held her tighter and kissed her head. I hated myself for what I'd put her through, but at the same time, I loved her even more for having the guts to call me out on it. I couldn't help but think back to all the times she'd given in to me and what I wanted. Things came and went, but there was one thing that kept resurfacing over the last few years. I was hesitant to bring it up, but I wanted to prove to her that I was done being the domineering asshole.

I cleared my throat. "Have you talked to Leah recently?" I asked.

Nessie looked up at me. "No. Why?"

"She, um . . ." I took a breath. I wasn't sure if this was the right way to start or not, but it was too late to back up. "She told me on Monday that she's having a girl. They misinterpreted the ultrasound."

She raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes, really." I leaned in and kissed her lips. "She said that was what the psychic in December said."

Ness nodded. "Yeah, that's what she predicted. I heard from Melanie that Matthew's going to public school in the fall." She looked down at my chest for a second. "I guess she got two out of three." She kind of shrugged one shoulder.

I rubbed her back. "I'll think about it, Ness."

She seemed to freeze on my lap for a moment before she looked up at me. "Please don't say that unless you're serious."

I touched her chin. "I would never fuck with you like that. I'm serious. I don't know when it'll happen; give me some more time to think about that, but I promise I really will consider it."

New tears filled her eyes and her face broke out in a huge smile. "Oh, Jake." She threw her arms around my neck. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, baby. I should have agreed a long time ago."

She sat back and kissed me deeply. I was a little surprised, but I went with it. When she pulled back, she shook her head. "I don't care how long it took you. You finally did, and that's what matters. Someday, we can really talk about having a baby? And actually try?"

I nodded. "Yes."

She wiped her eyes and bounced a little on my lap. I held her hips tightly and couldn't help but pull her in tighter. She kissed me again and pressed herself hard against me.

"Jake," she panted. Her breath was hot and sweet against my face. "Make love to me."

I nodded and stood up with her to carry her back to the bedroom. I laid her on the bed and spent a few minutes hovering over her, just kissing her. Her hands gripped my shirt and lifted up. I moved back enough to let her pull it over my head. I helped her get naked, then I grabbed a condom and took my pants off. She turned on her side away from me as I got back on the bed.

"Like this, Jake."

I smiled and got the condom on. "You got it, babe." I kissed her hip then laid down behind her. She rolled her hips against me. I wrapped arm under her and used my other hand to get my dick in position. I pushed in slowly and closed my eyes. It still felt fucking good to be inside her. I doubted any amount of time with her would change that. It wasn't just the tightness of her pussy, it was everything. She moaned so sweetly and reached back to grab my hair. I kissed her ear and held her hip tighter as I thrust harder.

"I love you, Ness."

She whimpered it back and twisted her body enough to kiss me. She broke the kiss with a gasp and arched her back. "Oh, fuck . . . Jake, right there." I made sure to keep up what I was doing. She reached down and grabbed my hand on her hip as a shudder ran through her. "Don't stop, baby."

I closed my eyes and pushed my face into her neck, trying to hold off for her. She was so goddamn close, but so was I. Her moans and gasps were so fucking sexy. I kissed her skin. "Cum for me, baby," I growled into her ear. She shivered and cried out louder. "Cum on my dick."

She gripped my hand tighter and froze for a second before her orgasm hit her. Just the sound she made was enough to push me over, not to mention how tight her pussy squeezed my dick.

I pulled out and got rid of the condom, then I laid back down beside her. She was on her back, her chest heaving with heavy breaths. She turned to face me, and I wrapped my arms around her.

"We never did let Faith in, did we?" she asked breathlessly.

I chuckled. "No, I don't think so."

"We should do that."

"Yeah, we probably should."

Neither of us moved for a few more minutes. Finally, she kissed my shoulder and sat up. "Don't move. I'll let her in, but then I'm coming back for seconds."

I grinned. "You got it, babe."

* * *

><p>Monday after I got home from work, we ordered some Mexican food for delivery for her birthday dinner. It was a nice night overall. After we ate, we did the brownies, then she opened her present. I'd gotten a shirt for her that I couldn't pass up when I saw it. It was just black with the words "Keep out of direct sunlight" written across the front. She laughed at the joke like I knew she would. After the present, we cleaned everything up and took a shower together then spent the rest of the night either fucking or talking.<p>

"I have an appointment with a lady for an arrangement on Friday," Ness said as we ate dinner Tuesday night. "She'll be coming over around one o'clock."

I nodded. "Okay. Mind if I stick around?"

"You know I don't mind. I'm just telling you so you know."

"All right."

The week at work was a little better than the previous one. Most of the kinks had gotten worked out and we could actually start building the foundation. I had planned to stay in the bedroom on Friday when Ness had her appointment, but I wanted to be close to her. She had a shitload of plants set out in the living room by twelve-thirty. Faith was out back so she didn't interfere or accidentally destroy anything.

"Can I help with anything?" I asked. I couldn't just sit still.

Ness looked at me funny before she nodded. "Yeah, would you grab that extra vase from the cupboard? I need one more."

I went to get it and handed it to her. She smiled in thanks and finished setting her things out. At twelve-fifty, there was a knock on the door. I answered it for her.

A woman who looked in her thirties looked up at me, probably surprised. She had shoulder-length, dark brown hair and blue eyes. She was pale, but not like Ness. "Um . . . Hi. Is this were I'm supposed to meet Nessie for the flowers?" Behind her stood a man around Nessie's age with shaggy, blond hair, the same dark blue eyes as the woman, and a wide, impatient smile. I nodded and stepped back.

"Yep, you've got the right place. Come in. I'm Jacob, Ness' husband." I held out my hand. The woman smiled and shook it.

"I'm Brittany."

Nessie came to stand next to me. "Hi, I'm Ness. It's nice to meet you."

Brittany shook her hand. "You, too. Thank you for meeting with me. I've looked around, and your prices really are the best. I have a friend who told me your arrangements are the prettiest, too."

Ness blushed and smiled. "Thank you. Hopefully we can figure something out for you."

The man stepped up and all but pushed Brittany out of the way. "Renesmee? Really?"

Ness furrowed her brow.

"I'm sorry about him," Brittany said. "This is my little brother, Greg. He swears up and down he knows you."

Greg held out his hand. "We went to high school together."

I narrowed my eyes at him. I only knew of one Greg from Nessie's past, and I'd already sworn to break his arms if I ever met him.

Ness' eyes widened. She looked up at me like she wasn't sure what to do. "Um . . . Wow. Hi."

"Yeah. I took you out once, remember?"

It was him all right. Nessie nodded. "Yeah, I remember." She turned to Brittany. "So are you looking for something specific?"

Greg didn't let his sister answer. "Damn, you look good. I mean, really good." I gritted my teeth and reminded myself that she was my wife. There was no competition there because I won years ago. It still didn't ease the possessive side of me that wanted to kick his ass for even looking at her. "Do you still have that skin thing?"

"Greg!" Brittany turned and slapped his shoulder. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She turned back to Ness. "I am so sorry. I don't think he's learned what maturity is yet."

Nessie smiled, but it was obviously forced. "Don't worry about it." The women turned to the huge display of foliage and started talking shop.

Before Greg could utter another word, I patted his shoulder. He was only a little taller than Ness, which made it easy to pull him back. "Why don't we let the girls do their thing, and you and I go chat?" I didn't give him a chance to decline. With my hand firmly gripping the back of his neck, I led him out the front door.

When we were outside, I let him pull away from me. "That kind of hurt." He rubbed his neck. I didn't apologize.

"So you knew Ness back in high school?" I asked in what I hoped was a conversational tone.

It must have worked, because he relaxed. "Yeah, we knew each other. She was in a lot of my classes until she stopped showing up senior year. She really has grown up beautifully."

I nodded. "Yes, she has."

"How long have you known her?"

"Four years." I sat down on the cement step in front of the door. Greg stayed standing.

He nodded again. "That's quite a while. How's her dad doing?"

I pursed my lips. "He died a while ago."

"Oh. That's too bad. Give her my condolences?"

"Sure. So why did you come with Brittany today?" I leaned back, resting on my elbows, and looked up at him.

"I don't know; I just wanted to see her. You know, see if she was still weird like she was back then, and if she still had that skin thing."

"You mean her sun allergy?"

He huffed. "Yeah. You know about that, right?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Yes, I do."

"It was weird. I mean, she couldn't be in sunlight for very long or she got all gross."

Greg really had no idea who the fuck he was messing with. I tried really hard not to tackle him. Instead, I cleared my throat and stood up. "Are you really that fucking stupid? You're talking to her husband, and you're going to say shit like that?"

He seemed to understand that I wasn't one to play around with. "Hey, man, I'm sorry." He held his hands up.

"Watch what you say to me, and don't let me catch you flirting with her again. I am _not_ someone you want to fuck with, got it?"

He nodded again. "I got it."

"Good." I sat back down. Everything was quiet for a few minutes. I heard Ness laugh about something inside, and I felt the corners of my lips rise in response. It was nice to know she was okay in there.

"So, uh . . . Can we go back inside?"

I shook my head. "No." I wasn't going to let him make her uncomfortable again. He could wait until she was done to talk to her again, if she wanted him to.

He paced in front of me for a minute. "How long've you been married?"

"About a year and a half." I leaned back again. "Why?"

He shrugged. "Just curious."

"Mm." I smiled to myself when it seemed he kept getting more impatient. I could sit out here all day; I didn't give a shit if he wanted to do something else. He should have considered that before he came and gave her a reason to feel bad about herself. There was no doubt in my mind that his question about her skin had hurt her.

"Got any kids?"

"Nope."

He kind of smiled. "Don't blame ya." His voice was low like he was talking to himself.

My brow furrowed. "What's that?"

He looked at me with wide eyes for a second like he hadn't thought I'd hear him. "I just meant . . . well, you know. Her kids would probably get that skin thing."

I sighed and stood up again. "It's an allergy, asshole, not a fucking disease."

He stepped back a few paces. "Yeah, well, her kids'd have it, too."

"And why does that matter?"

"I dunno."

"It doesn't; simple as that."

He nodded. "Sure."

I went back to the step and watched him relax again. It amused me and made me want to stand up just to see him intimidated again. Instead, I looked up at the blue sky and thought about asking Ness if she wanted to take Faith to the park with me later.

"Did she ever talk about me? I took her out on a date once."

I laughed without humor and looked at him. "Oh, you mean when you took her to the amusement park and left her to fry? Yeah, she told me about that. And after she did, I told myself if I ever got the chance, I'd fuck you up for it."

He swallowed. "Look, I was young and stupid. It was a long time ago, and I regret it."

"You damn well better."

Before either of us could say any more, the door opened behind me. I leaned my head back to see both girls coming out. Brittany stepped around me and Ness smiled down at me. I got up and took her hand.

"Thank you so much; I really look forward to seeing what you come up with," Brittany said.

Nessie beamed. "You're very welcome. Come back Monday and I'll have a few ready for you to look at."

Brittany nodded. "I'll leave this one at home." She laughed and patted Greg's arm.

Ness chuckled. "Sounds good. See you later." She waved, and the other two left.

I lifted Ness' hand to kiss her fingers. "I take it everything went well?"

She turned to me. "Yes, it did."

We went back inside, and I helped her clean up and put away the things she didn't need. I'd built an area out back a while ago where she kept the flowers for her business. It was on the opposite side of the yard from her garden. We let Faith in, then started talking about lunch.

"Why don't we pack up Faith and go to the park?"

She pursed her lips. "A real picnic?"

I pulled her close to me with my hands on her hips. "Sure. We wouldn't have to be out long. It's a beautiful day out there."

She smiled, but it wasn't quite right. Something was bothering her. "Yeah, we can do that."

She started to pull away, but I tightened my grip. "We don't have to go. We can do something inside."

She licked her lips and looked down for a second. "No, it's okay."

I made her look up at me. "What's wrong, Ness?"

"It's nothing, Jake. Let's make some sandwiches." She smiled like she really believed I was going to fall for it. I let her go and watched her for a second as she got the bread out. Faith came in when Ness opened the sandwich meat. I got more concerned when she didn't even look at the dog.

I stepped up behind her and moved her hair out of the way to kiss her shoulder. "Baby, are you okay?"

She sighed and shook her head. "No." She put the knife down and turned to me. "I don't think I am. I'm sorry I can't go on a normal picnic with you."

I hugged her tightly and kissed her head. "Don't worry about that Greg fucker, Ness. I know he hurt you, and I'm sorry for that. If you don't want to go anywhere, just tell me. You know I don't mind staying in with you."

"I know, but I hate making you give up things like that for me."

I hooked my fingers under her chin to make her look at me again. I kissed her lips lightly. "Nessie, I'm not giving up a damn thing." Her brow furrowed. I just smiled and kissed her again. "And don't argue with me, because this is one I won't let you win. Do you want to go out?"

She shook her head. "Not really."

"Okay. Let's eat in the living room, and we can take Faith out another time."

She sniffled and nodded as much as she could. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I let her go and helped her make the sandwiches. As we ate on the living room floor, Faith shamelessly begging for handouts, I thought about Greg and all that had happened that day. His comment about Ness' kids kept coming back to me. I wasn't sure why it upset me so badly. I knew Ness wasn't bothered by the fact that her kids would more than likely end up with photosensitivity, but his blatant disgust for it pissed me off. Something about it made me realize how stupid it was for me to worry about passing on my bipolar issues. When she said it, it was easy to ignore, but Greg's comment was like a slap in the face.

"Ness?" She hummed and fed another piece of ham to the dog. "How about we wait one more year, then we'll start trying." I wasn't sure if she'd even understand what I was talking about, but it was as good a start as any.

She looked over at me. "Start trying for what?"

I shrugged and kind of smirked. "Kids."

Her eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yes, really. One more year. That's not too long, is it?"

She pushed her plate away and all but threw herself at me. I caught her and held her on my lap. "Of course it's not too long. Oh, my God, Jake this is incredible. Thank you!" She kissed me hard.

"I love you, baby. I'm sorry it took me so long."

Neither of us cared that Faith was having a ball devouring our lunch. Ness smiled and touched my cheek. "I told you before it doesn't matter how long it took; the important part is that you finally said yes. And we have a time! I love you so much, Jake. You don't know how happy I am."

I met her eyes. They literally sparkled. "I have a pretty good idea." I pulled her even closer and kissed her deeply.

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><p>AN: Thanks for reading!

Thank you to SLM84 for the idea about Greg. It was interesting exploring that interaction :)

The last few chapters, along with personal experiences, have rekindled my love of astrology. It's something I've always been interested in, but I started to think about these particular characters' signs. I've made some astrology pages for Jake, Ness, Leah, and Sam. Check them out if you're interested. Go to www . sheewolf85 . weebly . com / astrology (remove the spaces)


	7. Little Wonders

A/N: Thanks for the response to the last chapter!

I've had this chapter written for a while, and I've been so eager to post it! I hope you all enjoy it! It's a big one, and one I'm sure a lot of you have been waiting for. I hope it delivers. And watch out for/enjoy the sexin' ;-)

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><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Seven

Little Wonders

_Our lives are made  
>In these small hours<br>These little wonders  
>These twists and turns of fate<br>Time falls away,  
>But these small hours<br>These small hours  
>Still remain<em>

-Little Wonders – Rob Thomas

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><p><em><strong>Renesmee<br>**__Two months later – June, 2014_

My right leg bounced nervously as I sat on the closed toilet and reread the box in my hands. I could hardly believe I was doing this. I wanted to blame Leah and Melanie, but really they didn't have much to do with it. I was the one that brought up the idea in the first place, and they just agreed. They also pointed out that I'd been more agitated lately, and that I'd already shown signs of weird food cravings. Was it really that odd to put bananas and maple syrup together?

The real reason I was in here had nothing to do with their comments. It was because my period was three days late. Since I'd started taking birth control, my cycle had been as reliable as the sun rising and setting. It _always_ started on the second day of the white sugar pill. I had wanted to pass it off as some kind of illness or something, but other than the occasional stomach flutter in the mornings, I felt terrific. I had thought of almost every other possible explanation simply because it was not possible for me to be pregnant.

Unless, of course, one of Jacob's swimmers happened to be the Olympic champion on inter-vaginal exploration. I don't think I'd ever laughed as hard as I did when Leah, Melanie, and I recounted our interpretation of the sperm making it past not only the condom but the birth control obstacles as well. It had somehow turned into a story similar to _Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom_.

I had promised them both after that conversation that I would at least take a test. In return, neither of them was to breathe a word of it to another soul until I knew for sure. If, by some chance, it was possible, I would be the one to break the news.

I sighed and looked over at the stick on the counter. I wasn't sure what I was hoping for. I wanted a baby so badly I could taste it, but Jake and I had agreed to wait one more year.

My timer dinged to tell me the results should be in. I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath before I picked up the stick. Two blue lines. I furrowed my brow. I knew what that meant. Not only had I been studying the box for close to twenty minutes, it was also printed right there next to the smaller line. One blue line meant no baby. Two meant yes baby.

I took the second test in the package just to be sure. It came out with the same result.

I stood up and looked down at my stomach. Still as flat as ever. I wondered when I would start to show. For that matter, I didn't even know how far along I might be. I gasped as I realized I had still been taking birth control. I ripped the bathroom door open and ran to the kitchen where I promptly threw the packet of pills away. Then I dug it back out because I didn't want Jacob to find out that way.

Oh, God, how was I going to tell him? Would he be happy or upset that our plan wouldn't work out? I put my hands over my abdomen and remembered what he had told me so long ago. It seemed like ancient history when he told me that we would figure out what to do together if I ever did get pregnant by accident.

I went back to the bathroom and threw the tests away. I tried to make sure they were well-hidden, but the trash can wasn't big enough. I took them to the one in the kitchen and buried them under the garbage there. Once I was sure they were concealed, I went to the couch. I hugged one of my old pillows to my chest and thought about how I would tell Jake tonight. It had to be tonight, because I wasn't going to face his questions in the morning when I refused to take my pills.

Faith came up to me and jumped on the couch. I snapped my fingers and gestured to the carpet. "Down, Faith. You know Daddy doesn't like you up here." She gave me a heartbreaking look and got down. I slid down and sat on the floor next to her.

"Guess what?" I said as I scratched her ears. She whined and nuzzled her head against my hands. "We're going to have a baby. I'm pregnant." I sighed. I wished it would be that easy to tell Jake. I supposed I _could_ make it that simple, but I didn't want to. I wanted to ease into it. "Oh, how am I going to tell him?" I leaned into Faith's side and buried my face in her fur.

By the time Jake got home, I had a half a plan. Most of it depended on how he reacted to me leading up to it. I made dinner and picked out some music for us to listen to. He came into the kitchen as I was pulling the pork chops from the oven.

"Smells good, babe," he said. He waited until I set them on the hot pad before he pulled me against him and kissed my head. "How are you?"

I smiled up at him, equal parts happy to see him, excited to tell him, and so nervous I wasn't sure I'd be able to eat at all. "I'm great. How was your day?" I stood on my toes to kiss him.

He shrugged. "It's over, so I guess it was survivable."

I frowned. "Did something happen?"

"No, not really. Just the guys trying to make my job worth its pay." He chuckled. "Did you have a good day?"

I nodded. "Yeah." I couldn't use any of my typical responses to him. It wasn't boring and something exciting did happen, so I wasn't sure what else to say. "It was good."

"That's good to hear. Do I have time to take a shower before we eat?"

I nodded and stirred the noodles on the stove. "Yeah. These will be done in about ten minutes, though, so hurry."

"Will do." He touched my back on his way out.

He was back in record time. I was draining the pasta when he came in and asked what he could do to help. I asked him to set the table. A few minutes later, we sat down to eat. Jacob groaned when he took a bite, but it was a groan of happiness. I smiled to myself. He gave me his typical remarks about me feeding the dog, but he tossed her a few bites, too. After dinner, I took his hand and led him to the living room. Cleaning up could wait. I was sure I would explode at any moment if I didn't tell him. We sat on the couch, and Jacob gave me an odd look.

"You okay?" he asked.

I nodded and snuggled up to him. I took a breath of his tangy scent and let it calm me down a little. "I'm okay. I've just missed you. It seems like it's been a while since we last had an evening to talk, doesn't it?" Or was it just me?

He smiled and kissed my nose. "We talk a lot, babe. But if you want tonight to be just a quiet conversation night, we can do that." His arms tightened around me. "I love you."

"I love you, too." A pit opened in my stomach. Things had been going pretty much exactly the way I had thought they would, and now I was nervous.

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked.

I shrugged and kissed his neck. "I don't know. After a year and a half of marriage, is there anything about you I don't know yet?" I looked up at him.

He smirked. "Plenty. You don't know that I'm secretly plotting to get you naked and fuck you on the couch."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Actually, Jake, I did know that. You're always plotting to get me naked."

"Yeah, you're right." His smile faded as he became serious. "When I was a kid, before my mom died, she used to call me her teddy bear because we'd snuggle together a lot."

I nodded. "I knew that, too." I grinned.

He smirked. "Yes, but what you don't know is that I had a collection of teddy bears that she'd given to me over the years. After she died, I named every one of them Sarah and couldn't sleep unless I had them all on my bed with me."

I reached up and put my hand on his cheek. "That's so sweet. Do you still have any of the bears?"

"All seven of them. I'm not telling you where they are, though."

I pouted. "Just one?"

"Nope."

"What if I find one by accident?"

"Good luck."

I sighed. If I hadn't stumbled across any yet, I wasn't likely to. "Well fine. Will you show me someday?"

He kissed my lips. "Someday, yes. When you've earned it."

I scoffed. "What, putting up with you for four years and being your wife for close to two of them isn't enough?"

"Sure it is, but I want to make you wonder a bit longer."

"Fine, but I'm going to call you my teddy bear from now on." He did cuddle extraordinarily well.

He chuckled. "You're the only woman in the world I would allow to do that, you know?"

"I better be." I stretched up and kissed his lips. "Anyone else tries and I'll scratch their eyes out."

"That's my girl." He kissed me again. "So now I've told you mine, what's yours? Something I don't know about you."

And here we go. I felt my whole body go tense. Jacob pulled me onto his lap and held me tightly. I was pretty sure he thought I was tense from memories. I cleared my throat and nuzzled my face into his neck.

"Mine is a bit more recent," I said hesitantly. He hummed and rubbed my back. "From today, actually."

He pushed me back enough to look at me. "What do you mean?"

I'd started it; I couldn't back out. I licked my lips. "Well, I've kind of suspected it for a little while. A few days. But today, I, um . . ." He just kept looking at me like I was going to tell him something devastating. I couldn't bear to see that look in his eyes, but I didn't know what my confession would do. I had no choice but to just do it. "I'm pregnant."

His brow furrowed, but other than that he didn't move an inch. He seemed frozen for several long seconds. I tried to be patient and let him process it, but I was close to coming undone. I wanted so badly for him to be happy so I could be, too.

"Pregnant?" he finally said. His eyebrows grew closer together.

I swallowed and nodded. "Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"I took two tests today; both were positive."

"How?"

I wanted to say it was pretty obvious when I realized why he had asked. I shrugged and tried to smile. "A miracle?" I suggested.

He huffed and lifted me off his lap. He set me to his side and stood up. My heart broke as he stepped away from me. It was really all I needed to know. A part of me wanted to demand why it was so horrible, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer. My heart pounding in my stomach made me nauseous as I stood up. I thought about leaving the room, but I knew that wouldn't fix anything. I needed to face this head-on and get it over with so I knew how to proceed.

Jake was standing by the entertainment center, his back to me. I licked my lips and forced my feet to carry me closer to him. I had known there was a chance he wouldn't be happy, but to actually see it hurt so much worse than I could have ever dreamed. I knew we'd work through it somehow. In the meantime, it truly felt like my little world was crashing down around me.

"Jake?" I said hesitantly.

He turned and held his hand out to me. I took it and just stared at him for a second. I didn't know what to do next.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I shrugged. I had such conflicting emotions. I wanted him to hold me and tell me everything would be okay, but at the same time I wanted to yell at him. I closed my eyes and wiped my tears away. "I really don't know what I'm feeling right now, Jake. I was so . . . God, I'm scared. I'm terrified."

He inched closer. "Scared of what?"

My brow furrowed, and I took my hand from his. "You should know exactly what I'm afraid of, Jake. I tell you I'm pregnant and you push me away. God, I'm . . . I'm sorry. I don't know how it happened, but it did. I've told you before that I won't get an abortion, and I meant it. I won't."

Something in his eyes changed. Suddenly he looked so sad. "I would never ask you to do that. Are you afraid I'm going to tell you I'm not happy about this?"

I snorted. "You don't have to tell me. I already know." I remembered watching him hold Leah's newborn baby girl, Hannah, two weeks ago at the hospital. Jake had been happy about that. He had congratulated her and shook Sam's hand. Why could he be happy about that and not about his own baby? My gut churned again, and I wrapped my arms around my stomach.

"You don't know, baby." He stepped closer. "I am happy. I'm just surprised. Shocked, actually."

"Don't lie to me, Jake. You pushed me away; that's not something you do when you're happy. I know we agreed to wait another year, but this is happening now. It's not like I did this on purpose."

Jake came up and wrapped his arms around me. I didn't have the willpower to push him away. Instead, I threw my arms around his waist and pressed my face into his chest.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he whispered. "I was surprised, that's all. I needed a second to process what you were telling me."

I shook my head and balled my fists against his back. I didn't want to be angry anymore, but something inside me wouldn't let it go. I was so conflicted. He held me tighter and dipped his head to kiss my ear.

"I've never lied to you just to make you feel better. You know that. If shit happens, it happens, and we work through it." He smoothed my hair down my back and kissed me again. "This isn't shit happening, though. I'm serious when I say that I am happy about this. I'm shocked as hell, but that doesn't mean I can't love the idea at the same time."

It took me a few minutes to calm down. The tears subsided, and I tried to take deep breaths. I didn't move away from him. He continued to rub my back and whisper words of love and encouragement in my ear. Finally, I was able to look up at him.

He wiped my cheeks with his thumbs and kissed my lips. "I love you, Ness."

I sniffled. "I love you, too. Are you really happy?" I couldn't seem to let it go and just believe him.

He pulled me with him back to the couch. I sat on his lap, and he held me tightly. "You know me, baby. You know that for a long time, I've despised and even been a little afraid of the idea of being a dad. You also know that I've changed over the last few years. Josh and Matthew, and now kind of Hannah, aren't that bad. They're good kids, considering their ages, and they're not _that_ disgusting." He paused for a second and smirked. I wanted to know what he was thinking, but I didn't ask. I just waited for him to continue. "This news was probably the furthest thing from my mind when you said it. But the thought of it, now that it's here, is kind of exciting. It'll be an adventure, that much I know for sure. So yeah, I'm happy."

"Thank you. I was so nervous all day trying to figure out how to tell you."

He didn't say anything. He kissed me and pulled back to just look at me. I watched as his eyes roamed over my face. Over the years, both Jake and I had changed. It didn't seem like much in the day-to-day grind of life, but as I looked back on the beginning of our relationship, I could pick out minor differences from what I remembered and what I saw before me now. Jake was concerned about turning thirty, but he really had nothing to worry about. He was still just as handsome as he had ever been. His eyes were calmer, but still as dark. He smiled more often, which over time had created soft lines on the outer edges of his eyes. I lifted my hand to lightly touch one of those lines.

I still marveled at the difference of our skin color. His seemed to fluctuate depending on how long he was in the sun at work. He was always more tanned at the beginning of a project. My skin, on the other hand, was always a constant pasty white. Jake preferred to call it alabaster or creamy, but it was just white.

He smiled, deepening the line I was touching.

"You're so beautiful, Ness," he said softly. His finger lightly caressed my cheek. "Sometimes it seems like I don't have enough time to just sit back and look at you." His hand went to my shoulder and gently skimmed down my arm to my hand on his face. His was so much bigger than mine. He turned his head to kiss my palm, and I shivered.

"There would be more time if we didn't make love so often." I grinned because I knew neither of us would sacrifice our very healthy love life for a few minutes of quiet staring.

He chuckled and put his hand on my waist. "Jeremy was teasing me about that today."

I raised my eyebrow. "About our lovemaking?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I don't talk about it at work because I know you don't like that. The other guys do, though; sometimes it's all they talk about. Since I don't, Jeremy was going on about how sex after marriage was a joke."

I licked my lips. I loved it when he told me indirectly how much he respected my needs. Granted, asking him to keep our love life private wasn't really a need, but I still had no desire whatsoever for strangers to know anything about what happened behind closed doors. Talking to close friends was one thing; I didn't have any problems with him talking to Leah, Izak, or even Paul. I wouldn't even talk to Lisa about the things Jake and I did. "What did you say?"

"Nothing. I laughed at him."

"I wonder what they'll say then when you break the news that I'm pregnant."

Jake leaned in and kissed my lips again. "My bet is they'll want to talk about you being naked, then I'll have to kill them."

I mock pouted. "Try to refrain. I can't have my baby when my husband's in prison."

"I'll do my best." His hand moved up to my breast. "Let's go to bed."

I smiled and nodded. We got up, and he took my hand to lead the way. When we laid down, I expected him to do what he usually did and start to strip me. Instead, he laid down beside me and kissed my shoulder. He touched my stomach, his fingers dancing down to my lower abdomen. I thought for a moment he was going to continue on between my legs, but he stopped just before he went there. He pulled back to look down.

"There's really a baby in there?" he asked, his voice soft with wonderment.

I put my hand over his. "Hard to believe, isn't it?"

He met my eyes and nodded. "Yeah. It's weird. You're so tiny." His brow furrowed. "I wonder how big you'll get."

I snorted. "Is that what you're worried about?"

He shifted and got onto his knees then bent and kissed my stomach just below my breasts. "Not worried about." He moved lower again. "Excited for." He hooked his fingers in the waistband of my pants and pulled them down over my hips. He didn't take them off, though. He stopped and kissed the skin between my hips. "Really excited for."

As I waited for him to continue undressing me, I realized just how turned on I had become. I took matters into my own hands and kicked my pants off. Jacob looked up at me and laughed, but it seemed to get him in the mood as well. As soon as all of our clothes were off, he reached over to get a condom out of the drawer. I stopped him.

"We don't really need one, do we?" I asked.

He looked at me for a second before he shook his head slowly and put it back. "No, we don't."

I was eager for some reason I couldn't define for him to make love to me without a condom. As he climbed over me and positioned himself, I found myself paying extra attention to see if there was a difference. I was surprised when there was. It was subtle, but it was there. He felt softer. Smoother. Even warmer. It was the emotional difference I felt most, though. He stared into my eyes as he began to move, and as good as it felt, there was no pleasure on this earth that was more intense than being so connected to my Jacob. I put my hands on his face and pulled him down for a kiss. I loved the look he gave me when he got close to his orgasm. Mine washed over me in flowing waves, then he grunted. The sudden change in the warmth inside me confused me for a moment before I realized I had felt his release. It was such a turn-on I swear I almost came again.

He pulled out and laid down beside me. His chest heaved with labored breaths as I snuggled up to him. He hugged me tightly and kissed my head.

"I love you so much, Nessie," he whispered.

"I love you, too." I let the idea of what just happened roll around in my head. I still had a part of him inside me. Well, technically, the baby was also a part of him, but I had his release still. Then I wondered what happened to it. "Jake?"

He looked down at me. "Yeah, baby?"

"Do I need to do anything?"

He furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I doubt your semen just evaporates."

He smiled and kissed me. "No. Come on." I got up and followed him to the bathroom. I pushed away my embarrassment when Jake told me what to do. He looked almost turned on again as I lifted my leg onto the side of the tub.

"Does this excite you?" I asked teasingly.

He smirked sheepishly and nodded. "Yeah, actually it does. Can I watch?"

My eyes widened. "You want to watch me?"

He nodded again. "I've never given a girl a creampie before."

"I have a feeling you're not talking about a normal pie made of cream."

He laughed and kissed my head. "For being with me for so damn long, you're still so innocent. I'm a terrible husband. No, baby, a creampie is when a guy cums in a girl then watches it come out."

I raised an eyebrow. "Men are weird. You can watch if it'll make you happy and if you swear never to call yourself a terrible husband again."

"Deal." He knelt down, and I tried to ignore how odd this whole situation was. When I was finished, I tossed the washcloth into the tub and put my leg down.

Jacob put his hands on my hips and kissed my stomach. I ran my fingers through his hair. He looked up at me and winked before he got up and we went back to the bed.

"So do you think we'll have a boy or a girl?" I asked. We were facing each other on our sides, our legs entwined. He had one arm around me and the other under his head. My hands were on his chest.

He shrugged one shoulder. "I don't know, but based on Leah's kids, I'm hoping for a girl. Hannah's already so much quieter than Joshua was. How far along are you, anyway?"

I leaned in a little more and kissed his chest. "I don't know. I'll call tomorrow and make an appointment with my doctor."

"Good. Are you hoping for a girl or a boy?"

I couldn't help but smile. "I want a little boy. I still think that picture of you is adorable. I think your boy would look just like you."

He chuckled. "I'm sure you do. My boy would probably be hell on wheels, too. At least a little girl stands a chance of being somewhat docile."

"Not all little girls are sweet and tame."

"You have a point. My girl would probably be a terror." He stopped and pursed his lips for a moment. "No, actually I take that back. A little girl would be like you. Cute and perfect and kind."

"You sound like I've never thrown a tantrum. I'm sure I had my days."

"Everyone does."

That was true. I stretched up and kissed his lips. "I love you." I yawned. "I'm tired."

He nodded. "Me, too. And you need rest." He rolled to his back and pulled me up closer. "Are you comfortable?"

"I'm always comfortable with you."

"Mm. Goodnight, baby." He kissed my head and leaned over to double check the alarm and turn the lamp off. I closed my eyes and sighed happily.

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><p>AN: Thank you for reading! I'd love to hear what you all think! :)

I'm on Twitter and Tumblr, SheeWolf85


	8. Around the Sun

A/N: Some of my reviewers have commented on a lack of drama in this story. Yes, it has been much fluffier than the majority of GMAS. However, that does not mean that the drama is over. Stay with me, folks; there's something for everyone in the coming chapters—high drama, light fluff, and pretty much everything in between.

With that, I hope you enjoy this short, fluffy chapter :)

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><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Eight

Around the Sun

_Hear 'em singing Happy Birthday  
>Better think about the wish I make<br>This year gone by ain't been a piece of cake  
>Every day's a revolution<br>Pull it together and it comes undone  
>Just one more candle and a trip around the sun<em>

-Trip Around the Sun – Jimmy Buffet and Martina McBride

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><p><em><strong>Jacob<br>**__One Month Later – July, 2014_

"Are you excited for your birthday? Nessie asked me as we lounged on the couch one Saturday afternoon.

"No." My birthday was only four days away, and I was not looking forward to turning thirty. We would be having friends over for dinner and a party after work. "We should hide." I nodded; I liked my idea. "Hide and don't come out until August."

She smiled and leaned back to look up at me. "Not likely. Joshua would sniff you out like the junior bloodhound he is. Matthew would probably help him."

Josh was three and a half, and Matthew had just turned five. Thanks to Nessie getting Leah and Melanie together more often, the kids had become friends. Matthew didn't like me nearly as much as Joshua did, but I was okay with that.

"You're probably right, but they couldn't find us if we left the state."

She slapped my shoulder. "We're not leaving the state." She snuggled closer and kissed my neck. "We have to do something. This is the big three-oh."

I cringed. "Don't remind me, Ness. That's just cruel."

She smiled and reached up to kiss my jaw. "No it's not. Next year I'll be twenty-five, and I'm sure you'll make a big deal about that."

"I've made a big deal about all your birthdays; what are you talking about?" Her twenty-first was fun. There had been alcohol involved.

"You're getting off the point. This year has to be very special." She got up on her knees and shifted to straddle me.

I held her hips and looked down at her stomach for a moment. "It will be very special whether I plan it that way or not." If anyone had tried to convince me even a year ago that I would actually like the idea of being a father, I probably would have punched them in the face. When Ness first broke the news to me two months ago, I was shocked to say the least. At the same time, a strange surge of pride ran through my whole body. At the doctor appointment that told us she'd conceived sometime around the middle of May, she had an ultrasound and I got to see the little Jelly Bean-shaped pre-baby. Ness insisted on passing the pictures out to our friends and putting one up on the fridge. I got used to it pretty quick, though, and I couldn't deny that I liked seeing the reminder every time I went into the kitchen.

The thought of being a dad grew on me more every day. I was really looking forward to seeing Ness' body grow and feeling the kicks. Not only had I done a lot of changing, she had been right all those years ago: it was different with my own.

Ness smiled serenely and wrapped her arms around my neck. "That's true, but still. What kind of cake do you want?"

I pursed my lips. "A chocolate one with that whippy-creamy frosting thing that you make."

She smirked. "You mean the whipped cream cheese frosting?"

I nodded. "That's the one."

"I can do that. Have you decided yet what you want for dinner?"

"Yeah, I want chicken Alfredo."

"You got it, babe," she said, mimicking me.

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><p>I woke up Wednesday already eager to get the whole day over with so I could go back to regularly scheduled programming. Ness was still asleep next to me. She hadn't been sleeping very well lately. A part of me wanted to say it was just because of the pregnancy, but I was pretty sure her medication had something to do with it, too. We'd talked to Dr. Furst about her meds, and he took her off of everything. If the situation was any different, he would have weaned her off of them, but he didn't think it would be a good idea in this case. I agreed with him, although I knew she was going to have some draw backs after taking it for so long.<p>

All in all, she was doing great. I was really proud of her for everything.

I sighed and kissed her head. If I knew she wouldn't be upset that I got up without her, I'd let her sleep. But she would be, so I brushed her hair from her face and shook her lightly. She still wanted to get up with me so she could say goodbye before I went to work.

"Time to get up, baby."

She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and drew in a deep breath as she stretched. "What?" she mumbled.

"I need to get up. You can go back to sleep if you want."

She shook her head. "No, I'm up." She looked over at me. "I'm awake."

"Okay. Good morning."

"Good morning and happy birthday." She smiled and wormed her way up to kiss me.

"Thanks, babe."

We got up and went to the kitchen. She got my pills for me like usual, and I just handed her the prenatal vitamin. I'd had to change my meds a few times, but thankfully with Ness and Dr. Furst helping, I was able to catch it before it got really bad.

I lifted the towel Ness had put over my cake the night before. She smacked my hand. "Nice try, Jake. You don't get that until tonight. Besides, I still need to frost it."

I tried to pout. It didn't work. So instead, I went to get ready for work.

The day wasn't bad. I'd gotten mostly used to people coming up and talking to me for no real reason, but it still got annoying when all they wanted was to know how I felt about being thirty. I finally started telling them to go to hell and leave me alone unless they actually needed something.

By the time I got home at four-thirty, I just wanted to be alone with my Ness. She was already cooking the chicken and had everything set out that she needed.

I walked in and leaned against the counter. She turned to smile at me then continued what she was doing.

"How was your day?" she asked.

"It was all right. Yours?"

"Pretty good."

I let my eyes wander down over her body for a moment. She was wearing a pair of gray leggings and a long green tank top that went to the middle of her thighs, and her hair was pulled back in a braid. I was surprised by how different she was to me. Physically, nothing had changed. She didn't even have a little bump yet. But every time I looked at her, I found myself more attracted to her for one reason or another. She seemed so much stronger than ever before and not just emotionally. She was stronger because she was carrying my baby. Inside her, our offspring was busy growing. It was such a strange but beautiful thought.

On the other hand, she also looked so much more fragile than ever before. Everything around her was a potential threat. I tried to ignore it most of the time because she didn't want me hovering like she couldn't do anything by herself anymore.

I pushed off the counter and went up behind her to look over her shoulder. "Can I help with anything?" I didn't like how close her stomach was to the pan. I put my hands on her hips and pulled her back against me a little bit. She was still too close.

She shook her head. "No, I'm fine. Would you go make sure Faith has everything she needs outside?"

I kissed her head. "Okay."

Faith followed me outside, eagerly wagging her tail. I picked up her rope toy and played Tug of War with her for a while. After she pitifully gave in, I checked her water. It was fine. I stayed outside to throw her ball for her.

At five-thirty, I went back in to take a shower and get changed. I picked out the shirt Ness had given to me our first Christmas together and the low-sitting jeans she still like so much. She laughed when I went out to the living room.

"What?" I asked. Like I didn't already know.

"You and your magic stick," she said.

I shrugged and went up to her. She was starting on the Alfredo sauce. I waited for her to finish putting something in the pan, then I kissed her and put my hand on her stomach. "Clearly, I am magic."

She shook her head. "No, just your stick."

I snorted. "Don't I get any credit since it's attached to me?"

"Maybe. Okay, you get a little. Your hips are pretty amazing, too." She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"Do we really have to have this party?"

"Yes, we do. Will you please put the leaf in the table and get the card table set up for the boys?"

"I guess so. How many are coming?"

She counted them off as I got the leaf and went to the dining room. "There'll be you and me, Leah, Sam, Josh and Hannah, Harry, Melanie, Izak, Matthew, and Seth. Sue's still not feeling well, so she won't be coming."

I nodded and counted chairs. We had six. "Can we put Seth at the kids' table?"

"Very funny. I don't think we'll all fit at the table, but might as well get as many as we can. Some can sit in the living room if they have to."

I nodded and went out to the shed to get the folding chairs and the card table. Once I had everything set up, I grabbed some plates and started to put them out. Seth was the first to get there, followed by Izak and his family. When we had everyone together, we sat down to eat. Ness' food was always delicious, but I still liked hearing their compliments. She smiled happily, and it made me happy to see it.

After dinner, Ness spent some time coddling Hannah. I'd developed a new appreciation for the little girl over the last month, and I really liked seeing Ness hold her. She was much more attached to her parents than Josh had been, though, and rarely let anyone that wasn't Mom or Dad take her for more than five minutes.

Soon it was time for the cake and presents. I already knew what I'd wish for with the candles. I wanted both Ness and our baby to be happy and healthy over the coming months.

Ness' was the first gift I opened. She gave me a really nice red and blue chronograph watch with my name inscribed on the face. I hugged her to my side and kissed her head. Leah got me a shirt like I'd expected. I loved that, even fifteen years later, my dad's tradition was still going strong. It was gray with "All Hail the Baby Maker" written across the top. I was going to have to find a way to wear it every day.

Josh and Matthew were getting impatient sitting around, so we let them go out back and entertain Faith. Both Ness and I had been pleasantly surprised to find she was so good with the kids. She even let Josh ride on her sometimes, and she'd never bitten or snapped at either of them no matter how often they tugged her fur.

"So how does it feel to be thirty?" Seth asked with a wide grin. He'd been ribbing me about getting older for almost a month now.

"Like I'm gonna kick your ass."

He chuckled. "Good luck, old man. Just think: you're only ten years away from forty and a mid-life crisis."

"I've already had my crisis; I let you and Leah talk me into joining the company."

Leah laughed. "And next you'll buying a fancy Ferrari and taking vacations to Europe."

I scoffed. "Not likely. If I splurge on a car, it'll be a Ford GT40. Even Ness thinks it's a sexy car."

Ness nodded. "Yeah, but what about that other one you showed me? The Konengreg or something like that."

"The Koenigsegg Agera. Both are sexy, but the Ford's about a million dollars cheaper. I'd go with that one."

"That's probably a good idea."

"You shouldn't encourage this," Izak said with a smile. "He'll actually do it."

"Not without talking to me first." Ness gave me a dark glare.

I nodded, pretending to be intimidated. "She's right."

I helped Ness clean everything up after everyone left. I tried to get her to sit down, but she wouldn't listen to me.

"Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I'm incapable." I'd lost track of how many times she'd that exact sentence to me over the last month. I didn't want to be overbearing, but I also didn't want her to do too much.

"I know, baby. I'm sorry, I can't help it."

She looked up at me in the kitchen and put her hands on my chest. "Yes, you can. I know you're only going to get more overprotective when I actually start showing, and I'm going to go crazy if you try to do everything for me. So just relax and remind yourself that I can still do everything I did before. If I do get tired, I'll sit down. I promise."

I sighed and pulled her a little closer with my hands on her waist. "Okay. I'll try."

"Thank you. Will you let Faith in and feed her while I finish these dishes?"

I nodded and kissed her before I went to do what she'd asked. As I got Faith's bowl ready, I started to think about what it would be like when our baby was Josh's age. I wondered if we'd have more kids like Leah and Sam or stick with one like Izak and Melanie. One would probably be enough for me, but I was almost certain Ness would want more.

When we were done with what we needed to do, we were both tired. We got ready for bed, then she snuggled up next to me.

"Did you have a good day?" she asked. She propped herself up on her elbow to look down at me.

I nodded. "Yeah, it was nice. Thanks for the watch, babe."

"You're welcome. I love you."

I hugged her. "I love you, too."

She laid back down, and we were both quiet for a while. I played with her hair while her fingers moved lightly across my collar bone.

"Jake?" I looked down at her and hummed. "What do you think we'll name our baby?"

I shrugged the shoulder she wasn't laying on. "I don't know. I guess it depends on if it's a girl or a boy."

She licked her lips and got up on her elbow again. "I was thinking, if it's a boy, we could call him Eli."

I raised an eyebrow. "My middle name? Why?"

"Because I was first thinking Jacob, but then I realized I don't really like that whole father and son with the same name thing. But I think Eli is a good name for a boy, and it would still pay tribute to you like I wanted."

I smirked. "So if we have a girl, are we going to name her Anne?"

She scrunched her nose. "No, I don't really like that name. We could name her Sarah, though."

I hesitated a moment before I shook my head. "I know why you would want to do that, and I appreciate it, but it seems wrong somehow to do that."

"Why?" she asked curiously.

"I don't know if I can explain it. She was my mom. It just doesn't seem right. I don't know; maybe that will change."

She nodded. "In the meantime, we can come up with different names. I don't want anything weird like my name. God knows it was just one more thing for other kids to tease me about."

"What about your mom's name?"

"I don't know. Isabella, or even Bella, seems kind of outdated to me. When I was little, I wanted to name my future daughter Josephine."

"I like that name. We should go with that one." I tightened my arm around her. "Josephine Anne?"

"What about Josephine Marie?"

"That sounds better," I agreed.

She nodded. "So if we have a girl, we name her Josephine Marie. What about a boy? Would you be okay with Eli?"

"Yeah, I'd be fine with that. Would he have a middle name?"

"Of course." She hesitated and looked down at my chest. I waited for her to spit it out. "I was kind of thinking we could use my dad's middle name. Anthony."

"Eli Anthony. I like that."

She smiled brightly. "Yeah?"

I nodded and pulled her down for a kiss. "Yeah."

She bounced a little. "So it's all settled. Unless we change our minds, of course." She laid down again. "Thank you for humoring me with name talk."

I kissed her head. "You're welcome, Ness. It wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be."

She snorted. "You liked it."

I was going to say something back to her, but I was cut off with a yawn. "Mm-hmm. Goodnight, baby." I double-checked the alarm and reached up to turn off the lamp.

"Goodnight, Jake. I love you."

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><p>AN: Thank you for reading!

Remember, folks; my characters and I take questions on Tumblr. Come ask us stuff! Sheewolf85 . tumblr. com (remove the spaces) I'm also on Twitter, SheeWolf85


	9. This is Gonna Hurt

A/N: Yay! Another chapter! I'm nervous and excited for this chapter. As you can probably tell from the title, it's not exactly fluffy. There is some in it, though. It's a bit of a roller coaster. I hope you enjoy!

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><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Nine

This is Gonna Hurt

_Hey, hey hell is what you make, make  
>Rise against your fate, fate<br>Nothing's gonna keep you down  
>Even if it's killing you<br>Because you know the truth _

_Listen up, listen up  
>There's a devil in the church<br>Got a bullet in the chamber  
>And this is gonna hurt<br>Let it out, let it out  
><em>_You can scream and you can shout  
>Keep your secrets in the shadows and you'll be sorry <em>

-This is Gonna Hurt – Sixx:A.M.

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><p><em><strong>Renesmee<br>**__Two Months Later – September, 2014_

I scowled at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and sighed as I all but ripped the stupid bra off. None of them fit me anymore. The ones I'd always worn were too small, both in the cups and around me. I'd gotten new ones that were a cup size bigger, but they were too big.

"You about ready to go, Ness?" Jake called.

"No."

Jake didn't understand. He didn't have weird body parts growing at weird rates and doing weird things. The maternity shirts I'd gotten seemed to fit okay even if I didn't really need them yet, but the pants were gross. The stretchy part in front felt nice, though. They all made my butt look really flat. Jake said he disagreed, but I could see it in the mirror when I turned just right. It seemed the only thing I could wear anymore was sweat pants and stretchy leggings. They were all fine every now and then or just for lounging around, but I wanted to be able to wear jeans sometimes, too.

My stomach was huge. At least, I thought it was. I was only nineteen weeks along. Jake said it was still just a bump, but I swear he acted like I would explode if I made one wrong move. He only got worse if I lost my balance or if my leg cramped, which had been happening more often in the last week.

"Baby, we're going to be late." Jake appeared in the doorway and looked me over in my panties. "You're not even dressed."

I sighed in exasperation. "That's because nothing fits me." I gestured to the bra I'd thrown on the floor. "I don't have one single bra that fits right."

He pursed his lips and came to stand behind me. "Then why don't I fill in?" He reached around me and cupped my breasts. "I'll be your bra."

I snorted. "You'll walk around holding my boobs all day?"

He nodded and kissed my shoulder. "Yep." He squeezed lightly. "I wouldn't mind it one bit."

I put my hands over his and leaned back against his chest. "What am I going to do, Jake? For real?"

"Wear one of those tank tops with the bra thing already in them then put a shirt on over that."

"That could work."

He kissed my head and pulled back. "I'm a genius. Get dressed, babe; we can't miss this appointment."

I smiled to myself as I went to get my black tank top. As much as I was looking forward to this appointment with my OB/GYN, I think Jake was even more excited. We were hoping to find out the gender. Once I was finally dressed, I slipped into my sandals and went out to Jake. He was one the couch, but jumped up when he saw me. He took my hand, and we left.

I'd seen Dr. Peterson a few times. He was a nice man, short by my standards—a lot of men were short compared to Jake—with a receding hair line and kind, blue eyes behind thin metal glasses. It was always weird coming to see him with Jake. He'd been recommended by Leah and Melanie both. I did like him, but I don't think Jake did. I assumed it was the guy thing; he couldn't kill the doctor for touching my lady parts because it was his job.

The appointment went as smoothly as any other had before it. I got checked in, held Jake's hand in the waiting room, and watched him hover protectively as Dr. Peterson examined me. I told him about the increased everything—from dizziness to weight—and he reminded me that it was all normal. I wasn't too thrilled when he said I should expect to gain a total of thirty pounds throughout the pregnancy. Jake had a few questions as well about me being alone all day. I tried not to glare at him or show my smugness when the doctor said I was going to be fine.

Then it was time for the ultrasound. I laid back and squeezed Jake's hand as we both watched the screen. Dr. Peterson showed us how big the fetus was. I was amazed by how human it looked now. The last time we'd seen it, it was just a little peanut. It was a little alien now. After he'd given us some measurements and assured us that the baby was growing right on schedule, he pointed to the screen.

"See these here?" he pointed to two little lines. Jake and I nodded. "Those are your baby's legs. She's showing off for us. There's nothing here between them, so it's a girl."

I squeezed Jake's hand. A baby girl! He smiled brightly and kissed my cheek. We got a few more pictures and even a video of the ultrasound, then it was time to leave. I was in awe the whole way home. My hands on my stomach, I stared out the window and daydreamed about what our little girl was going to be like.

"You okay, babe?" Jake asked when we got home.

I looked over at him and unbuckled my seatbelt. "I'm fine." I smiled and got out.

When we got inside, he pulled me close and leaned down to kiss me. "Are you sure you're okay? You look upset about something."

I shook my head and put my hands on his chest. "I'm really not. I think I'm still amazed, you know? It just seems so much more real now than it was before." Although I'd known that I was pregnant, it was like it hadn't actually settled around me until now. It was real. Not a dream, not a fantasy; it was reality.

His eyebrows knitted together as he searched my eyes for something. I wasn't sure why he thought I'd lie to him, but I let him look anyway. He kissed me again and nodded. "I know what you mean, Ness."

We watched a movie together, then I went out to work on my garden for a little bit. Faith tried to help me, but of course she didn't do much but get in the way. At least she didn't try to rip anything up. We pretty much had the lawn segmented. There was my garden, there was grass, there was my little shed thing for my business flowers, there was Faith's doghouse, and there was a section we set aside specifically for her to dig. She learned surprisingly fast that she'd get into big trouble if she messed with anything that wasn't her spot. When my timer went off, we went back inside.

It almost surprised me how quickly Jake and I went from referring to our baby as "he or she" to just "she." I had thought it would take more time to get used to it. We were still undecided about names, but we had time.

It was few nights later as we got ready for bed that I realized I did feel strange. It wasn't anything physical. I wasn't sure what it was. Something was off somehow. I'd had some weird mood swings since stopping the medicine, though. Not to mention my wacked-out hormones causing weird thoughts and feelings to come up. I didn't think it was anything to worry about. They usually passed quickly enough. I snuggled up to Jake and kissed his neck. He held me tightly until he fell asleep. I laid awake for a while, just thinking about nothing. Trivial things passed by like fleeting whispers; things like my flowers, how low Faith's dog food was getting, my arm curled under me wasn't that comfortable but I didn't want to move, and I needed to balance my checkbook after a few purchases I'd made the last couple of days. In the midst of all the insignificant thoughts, one big one emerged.

I wasn't even sure where it came from. One minute I was happily thinking about nothing, and the next I was wondering how exactly my mother died giving birth to me. Out of that thought came a fear so strong it made me gasp and sit up in bed. What if whatever caused her death was waiting in my baby?

Jake grunted, but I barely heard it. My hands flew to my stomach. Was this baby inside me a sign that my life was about to end? What would Jake do if I left him alone with a child? My dad hadn't exactly been prepared, but there had never been one single story about how he said outright that he didn't like kids.

"Ness?" Jake asked groggily. "Babe, you okay?" I felt his hand on my back, but I couldn't move. He sat up and took hold of my shoulders. I realized then that I was shaking. Shaking and crying and so fucking scared I wanted to scream. "Ness, what's wrong?"

How could I answer him? I tried. Only a whimper came out. His hands gripped my arms tightly, and he pulled me onto his lap as he sat against the headboard. He reached over to turn on the lamp. The bright light hurt my eyes.

"Nessie, look at me." He hooked his fingers under my chin so I had to. "Calm down, baby. Breathe with me."

I wasn't hyperventilating, but I took a deep breath when he did anyway. It did seem to help a little. Little by little, I calmed down enough to talk to him. "I'm scared," I managed to say.

He hugged me tightly. "What are you afraid of, baby?"

I licked my lips and looked up at him. "I'm afraid that what happened to my mom will happen to me."

He paused for a moment before his eyes darkened considerably. He shook his head. "No fucking way. You and our baby will both be fine. You just wait and see."

My eyes watered again. "I can't, Jake. I can't just wait and see, because I might not be around—"

"Don't say that." He closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. "Ness, I'm sure that whatever happened to your mom was something avoidable."

"But what if it wasn't? What if it was something about me and the way I grew inside her? What if the same happens with our baby?"

He sighed deeply and lifted a hand to rub his forehead. He was quiet for a moment, and each second that passed only convinced me more that the baby was a death sentence. How had I ever believed being a mom would be such a great thing?

"Okay, Ness, here's what I think we should do. First of all, calm the fuck down. You're not going to die, and that's just not negotiable. Second, tomorrow while I'm at work, I want you to see if you can look up your mom's hospital records. I don't remember if there were any in your dad's desk, but you could look in that stuff. If you can't come up with anything, call the hospital. If that doesn't work, I'll see what I can do when I get home. We'll find out for sure what happened so we know what we have to do to make sure history doesn't repeat itself. All right?"

I nodded. "Okay." I did feel a little better having a starting point and a goal. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get any sleep any time soon, though.

"Third, we both need to get some rest. I mean it, baby, you've got to calm down. You're going to be fine." He rubbed my back and kissed my head. "I promise."

I tried to believe him. I nodded again and looked up at him. He pulled me close to hug me tightly. I hugged him just as hard and made myself remember all the times he'd helped me through terrible things. If I was sure about anything right now, it was that Jake would fight with everything he had to make sure what he promised me was true. I vowed then to fight along with him just as hard.

We shifted to lie back down, and I curled myself against him as much as I could. The bump in my stomach felt even bigger than it had before. For the first time, it felt like a barrier between Jake and me. I tried to ignore it and just be comfortable, but it wasn't easy.

"Wake me up if anything else happens, okay?" he said softly.

I kissed his jaw and nodded. "Okay. Love you."

He turned his head to kiss my lips. "Love you, too, babe."

I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I still laid awake for a while, but my thoughts weren't nearly as innocent as they had been earlier. Terrible thoughts of an excruciating childbirth, blood everywhere, and eventually my death. I shook my head to clear it, but they kept coming back. I forced myself to think of something different. I pushed my thoughts ahead. Jake and the baby. What would it be like to see Jake brushing his daughter's hair? I imagined a little girl with black hair and dark eyes just like her father. She was tan like him and could stay outside as long as she wanted. She stood in front of Jake as he sat on the couch and braided her hair. When he was finished, she turned around and hugged him. He hugged her back and whispered in her ear that he loved her more than anything.

The scene brought tears to my eyes. I let the good thoughts continue to wash over me until I drifted to sleep.

* * *

><p>Pain. Complete, absolute pain. It consumed me like fire and pulled at my insides like gnashing teeth. I screamed for Jake to help me, but he didn't come. I was so hot but freezing at the same time. I couldn't feel my feet. The bedroom around me looked normal, but I felt like I'd been strapped to the bed and lit on fire. When I looked down at my stomach, I screamed louder. My stomach was covered in blood as something inside me continued to move and push out.<p>

I sat up in bed, still screaming. I clutched at my stomach, clean and still small the way it had been when I fell asleep. Nothing clawing its way out of me. I stared at it for a second, praying nothing changed.

"Ness?"

I jumped and looked over at Jake. He looked so worried. My eyes watered, and I threw myself at him. I let him comfort me, but nothing he said seemed to make me relax. When he asked what the nightmare was, I froze. I didn't want to tell him about this. I knew it would just worry him more, and he didn't need that. I knew he'd catch my lie if I tried to pass it off as the dream of my dead self. So instead I made up something new.

"It was me, but she was after the baby." My stomach churned. I wondered if I'd actually have that dream now that I mentioned it. I really hoped not.

His arms tightened around me hard enough to make breathing difficult. "How far did she get?"

I licked my lips. "Not far. She—the baby—was in her crib. I stood in front of it and tried to protect her. She cut my arm." I could see the scene play out now that I was thinking of it. It made me shudder. No way in hell would that bitch get anywhere near my baby.

He cleared his throat. "How would you change it?"

"I'd get a bigger knife and show her who's boss."

He kissed my head. "That's my girl. You're so much stronger than her, baby. Remember that."

I smiled and nodded. If I'd actually had the dream I talked about, I would feel so much better. But as it was, the little kick made me jump and gasp.

"What is it?" Jake asked worriedly.

I had to calm down and make this a good thing. "I just felt a strong kick."

He calmed down instantly. "Oh. I wonder when I'll get to feel them." He shifted so he could put his hand on my stomach. The baby kicked his hand obediently.

"Did you feel that?" I asked.

He pouted and shook his head. "No. Is she really active?" He shifted again and laid me down on my back. He got on his knees and kissed the top of my stomach before he moved down and put both his hands over my bump.

"She is. I think she's doing aerobics right now."

He chuckled. "Hey, baby girl," he said softly to my stomach. He'd talked to the baby like that a little bit over the last few months, but only when she was really active or kept me awake. It always made my heart melt when he did it. This was no exception. "Either start kicking hard enough for me to feel it or settle down so your mom can sleep."

Apparently the little girl was going to be a rebel. She didn't do either. A few minutes later, Jake kissed my stomach again and came up to lay next to me. "Are you okay, baby?" he asked.

I pushed myself against him and nodded. "I think I am now."

"Good. Get some more sleep, babe. No more nightmares."

I agreed.

The rest of the night was peaceful, and I felt rested when I woke up with Jake in the morning. We went over our plan again to find out how my mom died. After he left, I fed Faith and started some laundry, then I went back to the bedroom and turned on the computer. I was nervous as I sat down and typed my search. I wasn't sure if I was more afraid of not being able to find what I was looking for or if it would be too easy to find it. Knowing might be just as scary as not knowing.

Everything I found said to contact the doctor or hospital that held the records. I went to the box that had my medical papers and found my birth certificate just to make sure I called the right hospital. It wasn't St. Joseph's, and in some weird way that made me relax a little. It was a hospital I'd never heard of. I typed the name into the browser and immediately found several articles detailing their closure. They'd suffered one too many lawsuits and were shut down.

I sighed and pursed my lips. What was I going to do now? I put my birth certificate back and texted Jake to let him know what I'd found. I didn't want to dwell on the disappointment. I grabbed my timer and went outside to play with Faith for a little while.

I felt a little better by the time Jake got home. After dinner, I sat on his lap at the computer and showed him the things I'd found about the closed hospital. His eyebrows furrowed, and he hummed. His arm tightened around me.

"They have to do something with their records. They can't just vanish."

I hoped he was right. "How do we find them, then?"

"I don't know, but I'd bet you another hospital would." He kissed my head and looked up the phone number for St. Joseph's. I'd been hoping we could avoid dealing with them, but I supposed it wasn't going to be that easy. He called them on his phone, and the conversation was surprisingly quick. He looked hopeful when he hung up.

"Good news. They said most records are available through the medical society, but in this case, when the hospital closed, their records were transferred to St. Joseph's. We just need to go down there, fill out a form, pay a fee, and we get the records." He seemed way too excited about this.

I licked my lips. I didn't want to admit I'd been a little relieved at the idea that my mother's death would be a secret forever. Now that it was possible again to find out, my stomach hurt. Jake hugged me and rubbed my arm.

"Everything will be okay, baby," he said softly. "Just stick with me and don't give up."

I looked up at him and nodded. He kissed me, and we got up and ready to go.

I didn't have as hard a time going into the hospital anymore. It still hurt, knowing that this was the last place I saw my dad. Jake held my hand tightly as we walked up to the front desk. My eyes lingered on the hallway to the left. I wondered briefly what that room would look like now. Would the hallway be empty and poorly lit like in my dreams? I felt a strange desire to run down it and see. I had to wonder if it was just so I could escape this other horror. I gripped Jake's hand hard to keep me in my spot beside him. He squeezed back and kissed my head.

I wasn't sure what the lady at the desk said, but soon we were on our way to a different room talking to a different lady. I had to come back to reality and produce my birth certificate and driver's license, our marriage certificate to show my name change, then I had to fill out a piece of paper. I realized that this was the written request. It said the records could take up to ten business days to come in. I wondered what would take them so long. When the woman mentioned the thirty dollar fee, I wanted to leave. This wasn't really worth that, was it? I knew deep inside that it was worth much more than that. Jake paid the fee, I had to sign some more papers, then we were able to leave.

It felt very anti-climactic. I'd been expecting so much worse. Instead, we went home with no more information than we left with. Although I knew we'd be getting the information we needed soon, I was relieved to know that I had a little more time to prepare myself for it.

"How are you, baby?" Jake asked.

I pressed up against him and nodded. "I'm okay, I think." I wrapped my arms around his waist. "I'm just nervous."

He held me lightly and rubbed my back. "It's okay to be nervous."

I knew it was, but I loved how supportive he was being. "Thank you."

"Why don't we relax a bit? Come take a bath with me." He pulled me with him as he started toward the bedroom. I couldn't say no.

After the bath, Jake and I made love on the bed. The way my uterus hardened after my orgasm amused me, and as I laid on my back beside him relaxing, I put my hands on it.

"Everything okay?" Jake asked.

I nodded and looked over at him. "Feel this." I took his hand and put it over my stomach.

"It's really hard." His brow furrowed.

"It's okay. Normal. It just feels weird."

He relaxed and nodded. A moment later, the baby started moving in earnest. Jake sucked in a quick breath. "I felt something."

I put my hand over his and looked down to meet his eyes. He moved down further and put both hands on the bump. "Do that again, baby girl," he said softly.

I ran my fingers through his hair as he concentrated and the baby continued her work out. He laughed and looked up again. The pure joy in his eyes made mine water. "I can feel her. It's not a lot; just little flutters."

I wasn't sure what to say. Words didn't seem important. I touched his cheek and silently gestured for him to come back up next to me. He did, keeping one hand on my stomach. He kissed me deeply. With my hand over his, we shared lazy kisses and just felt the baby move until she decided she was tired. I was pretty exhausted, too, even though I hadn't done much that day.

At therapy on Friday, I talked to Dr. Furst about my new fear and the coming medical records. He reassured me that maternal deaths during labor were rare. He said the fact that the hospital was shut down due to lawsuits told him there was a good chance Jake was right and my mother's death was from a preventable complication. Even though he wasn't a medical doctor, I let what he said calm me down. After Jake's session, we went home and talked for a bit. He said they'd talked a lot about how he was nervous to be a dad to a little girl, even though it was what he'd been hoping for.

"Girls are so much more fragile than boys," he said.

I snorted. "They are not. Babies are the same amount of fragile no matter their gender."

He sighed and leaned back on the couch. "Yeah, I guess. But girls are . . . I don't know. They just seem so much more . . ." he hesitated like he wasn't sure what word he wanted to use.

"Dainty?" I suggested.

"Yeah, or something like that."

I sat on his lap and kissed his cheek. "You are going to be one of the best fathers ever. You know why?" He shook his head. "Because you care. I know you're worried, Jake, but that's so much better than not caring if she gets hurt or if she's happy. She's going to be the most spoiled little girl in the world because her dad—and her mom—loves her so much."

He put his forehead against mine. "I'm still nervous."

I laughed a little. "I know."

* * *

><p>It seemed with every day that passed, our baby girl's legs got stronger and stronger. Jake was thrilled that he could feel more when I laid on my back in bed. He couldn't feel much if I was standing up, and I wondered why. I supposed it was probably the extra layer of fat that had built up around my bump. I didn't like that so much, but I let it go. It was for her, so I'd put up with it. What choice did I have? I was strictly forbidden by Dr. Peterson and Jake from doing anything to try to lose weight. All that could wait until after she was delivered. If I was still alive.<p>

I hated the constant thoughts of what would happen when I gave birth. I wished those stupid records would just come in so we could make a plan and hopefully make this fear dissolve. I'd had two more dreams like the first of my baby tearing my stomach open and killing me. Each one was a little different, but they all ended the same way. I hadn't had any dreams yet of my dead version trying to get the baby. At least there was that.

The second weekend in October, Jake and I started to clear out Billy's old room to turn it into the nursery. I had a grand vision of painting it pink with white and purple, but I wasn't sure if I was really that ambitious. Jake said we could do whatever we wanted, but that he would prefer mostly purple instead of pink. He also told me I wouldn't be allowed in the room even to help if we painted it. I grumbled about that a little, but I couldn't blame him. Paint fumes weren't exactly good for the baby. We did some window shopping Saturday morning to look for cribs and other things we'd need. We had a pretty good idea of what we wanted by the time we got back home. Now it was just a matter of getting the room ready and setting everything up.

As we walked into the house after our shopping trip, my stomach tightened. I stopped in my tracks and put my hands on my ever increasing bump. For a moment, it was just uncomfortably tense. Then without warning, a wrenching pain shot up and out, expanding out all over my stomach. I cried out and almost fell to my knees. Jake caught me.

"What happened?" he demanded. "Are you okay?"

Was I? "I don't know!" The pain disappeared as quickly as it had come. I sat down and took a deep breath. "I don't know what happened." I explained to him what I'd felt.

"A contraction?" he asked, obviously bewildered.

I met his eyes. "That can't happen yet, can it?"

Almost before I'd finished my sentence, he was on the phone. He pulled me close and held me tightly. I closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest, letting the sound of his voice keep me calm. He asked me a few questions probably passed on from whoever he was talking to.

"She says it was probably a Braxton Hicks contraction."

"Who does?" I asked.

He kissed my head. "The doctor on call."

"But it was painful!" I'd read about Braxton Hicks, but everything I'd read said they weren't supposed to be like that.

He told the nurse what I'd said, then turned to me again. "She said they can be. If we're really worried about it, we can make an appointment for Monday or go to the ER. It wasn't in one spot, right? It was all over?"

I nodded. "Yeah. It started down here and spread out all around."

He repeated what I'd said into the phone and waited for a second. "She says to keep an eye on it and make an appointment if you're scared, but other than that, she's pretty confident we're okay."

I snuggled closer to him and nodded again. "Okay. Tell her I said thank you."

He did, then hung up and pulled me onto his lap. "Does it hurt anymore?"

"No. It was scary, though."

He nodded and kissed my hair. "Do you want to make an appointment?"

I sighed. "I'm paranoid, Jake. Let's do it."

He chuckled. "I am, too." We made the appointment for Monday, and he planned to take the day off work.

Whether it was a Braxton Hicks contraction or not, it happened again Sunday morning after Jake left for work. I didn't like being alone, so I called Leah and asked her to come see me. She did, and she brought Hannah along with. Josh was spending some time with Sue, but it was nice to hold Hannah and remind myself that I'd have a little girl just like her early February. Leah told me about the Braxton Hicks contractions she'd had with both Hannah and Josh. It made me feel a little better to know that hers had been pretty similar to mine.

Monday morning, we got a call from the hospital saying that my mom's records were ready. We made a plan to pick them up after our appointment with Dr. Peterson. Everything went well, and it was confirmed that the baby and I were both in excellent health. I felt so much better about that, but I was a bundle of nerves again as we went into the hospital.

Jake asked the nurse who gave us the records to translate them for us just so we didn't have to worry about misinterpreting anything. She was happy to do it and went over everything with us. It was weird looking at all those papers with my mother's name on them. Isabella Masen died of a hemorrhage cause by uterine atony after prolonged labor.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

The nurse tapped the papers on the desk as she answered. "Uterine atony is when the musculature of the uterus is decreased significantly." She held up her hands like she was holding a ball and pretended to squeeze it. "When you have a contraction, the uterus squeezes, and the blood vessels are compressed which reduces blood flow." She stopped to make sure we were following. I nodded. "In your mother's case, the labor lasted almost thirty hours. Normal labor is between twelve and twenty. After twenty, in most cases, it's considered prolonged. Not all prolonged labors are dangerous, but it increases the likelihood of atony. Those muscles in your uterus that cause the contraction weaken, which opens the blood vessels more. It can cause a hemorrhage, which happened to your mom. It wasn't handled right, according to this, and she bled out. Even in the case of a hemorrhage, there are things we can do to stop the bleeding and save the life. I'm so sorry that didn't happen with your mom."

Jake pulled me close. "See, baby? The same will not happen to you."

"Are you planning on having your baby here?" the nurse asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know yet."

She nodded. "Well, let me just reassure you that we have some of the very best doctors available, and things like this don't happen." She tapped the papers and handed them to me. "Just something to consider."

"Thank you."

She gave a perky nod and asked if we needed anything else. We didn't. She bounced away, and Jake and I left.

Jake held my hand as he drove home. "I think there's a pretty obvious solution to make sure none of that happens," he said.

I looked over at him. "What's that?"

"If you're not showing any progress after eighteen hours, we have a C-section."

I licked my lips. "I don't want to be cut open."

He squeezed my hand. "I know, baby. I don't want that, either. But if it's that or risk the prolonged labor bullshit, I'm not giving you a choice."

I couldn't blame him. My freaking out about it had probably had more of an impact on him than I'd realized. I cleared my throat and nodded. "All right. We should talk to the doctor next time about what we can do to prepare for labor so it goes smoothly."

He pulled into the driveway. "I agree." He lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles. "We'll get through this, and everything will be fine."

* * *

><p>The fire was back again. I screamed and fought against the invisible ropes that bound me to the bed. There was a loud tearing, but it didn't sound like fabric. It was moist and fleshy. When I looked down, a bloody alien head poked out of my stomach. Its eyes were wide and blue.<p>

I woke up with a gasp. Jake was still asleep next to me. Thank God. I always felt terrible when he was sitting next to me, waiting for me to wake up and snap out of it. A part of me wanted to wake him up, but I couldn't. Not when he'd been doing so much for me and having to work on top of it. I relaxed next to him and closed my eyes. I told myself that I wouldn't have that dream again.

Before I could fall back to sleep, another fake contraction hit me. It started like all the others, a tight sensation followed by a quick, shooting pain that spread quickly then disappeared. It shouldn't have alarmed me. But instead of letting it go as the normal occurrence it was, I panicked. It wasn't because I was afraid of what could be wrong. It was an irrational but all-consuming fear that my dream was about to come true. The baby kicked, and I saw my skin push out. I screamed and smacked my stomach.

Jacob groaned and I saw him move out of the corner of my eye. My focus was on my stomach as I tried to figure out what to do to make this kicking and pushing stop.

"What's wrong, babe?" He sounded so tired.

If I wasn't in a complete mental breakdown, I would have explained it to him in real words that made sense. Nothing made sense to me at the moment, though. I shrieked something that sounded like "she's killing me" and pushed back harder than I'd intended to. If I got her out before she could rip me open, maybe I could save us both.

Before I could do anything, Jake's big hands wrapped around my wrists and pulled them up over my head. He hovered over me, holding me secure. "Nessie, stop," he commanded. I looked into his eyes, bewildered by how intense they were. I was trying to help us. "What the fuck are you talking about? You're not going to _get her out_."

I licked my lips. "She's trying to kill me," I whispered. Couldn't he see that?

His brow furrowed. "The baby?" I just nodded. His eyes widened, and suddenly he looked so worried. I thought for a moment that he was going to help me, but then he spoke again. "Nessie, that's not even possible. She's just a baby. She's growing and kicking and pushing, and all of that is completely normal. Look at me, Ness." He shifted to hold both my hands with one of his so he could grab my chin and make me look at him. "Look at me. Take a deep breath and think about this. She's our baby."

I took a deep breath like he said and watched his face. As I did, I thought about what I was doing and what I had wanted to do. Reality began to settle, and I saw the truth in his eyes. There would be no saving myself or my baby. What I had wanted to do would have killed us both. My eyes watered, and I gave up.

"I'm so sorry, Jake."

"Why did you even say that?" He sounded heartbroken.

I still hadn't told him about the dreams. I licked my lips again and told him everything. From the first dream to the latest one. There had been five in all, but the last one was the first to feature the alien.

He nodded and leaned in to kiss my lips. He still didn't move or release my hands. "Let's call Dr. Furst today and see if we can get you in before Friday. There has to be something we can do to stop these or at least make them more bearable."

"Okay." I sniffled. "I'm sorry."

He finally released me and laid down by my side. He scooped me up and pulled me close. "We'll get through it, baby. I swear it; we'll find a way."

He kissed my head and pulled me even closer. My stomach pressed against his, and I could feel the baby moving so much more than before. It didn't scare me like it had a moment ago, though. I'd calmed down enough to realize that I was just fine. I looked up at Jake. "Can you feel that?"

He nodded. "Yeah. It feels funny."

I couldn't help but laugh. "You should experience this side of it." If only that was possible. I wished I could show him exactly what it was like. When I was okay and not freaking out, the whole thing was magical. Even watching my skin move was beautiful. It was just one more piece of evidence that Jake and I were parents-to-be.

He touched my cheek lightly. "That would be pretty cool. I'll be okay with what I can get, though." He kissed my head then turned to check the clock. It wasn't even three in the morning yet. "Let's try to get some more sleep, babe. We'll call Dr. Furst around eight."

I raised my eyebrow. "What about work?"

He shook his head. "I'm not going today."

"You'll miss two days in a row." Now that he was part owner of the company, it really wasn't a big deal for him to miss work. But still, I knew he didn't like missing days when he didn't have to.

"I don't care. This is more important."

I had to agree with him. We settled down to try to get some more sleep. I didn't have any more nightmares that night. After we got up and ate a light breakfast, Jake called Dr. Furst. His schedule was packed, but he made time to see us on a break. I was so grateful.

I explained the new dreams and what had happened the night before when we met with Dr. Furst. I waited for him to tell me that I was just plain crazy.

"Nightmares during pregnancy are very normal," he said. "They can be consistent and very frightening. Given your past with PTSD nightmares, it doesn't surprise me that these are bleeding into your waking hours." He sucked in a breath and patted his leg as if he was thinking. "We can try to put you back on the Prazosin if you would like."

It was the medicine I'd taken for my nightmares that had actually seemed to make a difference. I licked my lips. "What about the baby?"

He nodded. "The general rule is that Prazosin should not be taken during pregnancy unless the benefits outweigh the risks. The risks involved are minor. Studies have shown an increase in heart rate, sometimes severe. There haven't been any signs of birth defects or other negative effects on the fetus. Given the situation, I would be okay prescribing the medicine for a while to see if it helps. Your dose would be lower than what you'd had before, but that can be adjusted as needed. What do you think about this?"

I held Jake's hand tightly. "I'm nervous. I think I could deal with the nightmares if I wasn't so afraid that I might actually hurt my baby. Will the medicine stop that?"

Dr. Furst pursed his lips. "There's a good chance that it will, but I can't guarantee it. If you take the medicine as prescribed and continue to work on your other therapies, I would expect to see an improvement within two to three weeks."

Jacob hugged my shoulders. "I think we should give it a try, babe."

I looked up at him. I had to try it for him. "Okay."

* * *

><p>AN: Thank you for reading!

If you're reading Blood Moon, just know that I haven't forgotten. Inspiration has been running thin and sporadic lately. I'm just going with the flow and writing whatever wants to be written :)

I'm on Twitter and Tumblr, SheeWolf85


	10. November Rain

A/N: This is not my favorite chapter, but it had to be written. Neither Jake nor Ness would let me skip it or do something different. Blame them. For all the crap that goes on in this chapter, though, there is a whole lot more fluff waiting in the next one. Be patient. You know these characters; they will work it out and everything will be rainbows and unicorns again. For a brief period of time.

There be citrusy stuff. Enjoy!

* * *

><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Ten

November Rain

_So never mind the darkness  
>We still can find a way<br>'Cause nothin' lasts forever  
>Even cold November rain<em>

-November Rain – Guns N' Roses

* * *

><p><em><strong>Renesmee<br>**__One Month Later – November, 2014_

"Oh, my God, Jake," I moaned loudly as he thrust into me. "Right there, baby." My hands slid up his arms to hold his shoulders. He hovered over me and leaned down to kiss me. "Fuck me, Jake."

He growled and kissed me harder. One thing I had not expected throughout this pregnancy was a constant and nearly insatiable need to make love with Jake. We'd already talked to several people about it, and they all confirmed that it was fine as long as I was comfortable and it didn't hurt. I wasn't sure which one of us was happier to hear the news.

Jake shifted and reached down with one arm to wrap it under my hips and lift me up a little. It would normally make everything feel so much better. This time, when he pushed deep inside me, I felt like I'd been shocked. A sharp, almost stabbing pain erupted from that spot. I gasped and pushed up on his shoulders.

"Ow! Jake, stop." I pushed again even though he'd already pulled out.

"Are you okay, baby?"

I put my hand on my stomach and took a deep breath. "Yeah, I think so. Something just hurt really badly."

His hand covered mine. "Is it the baby?"

"No, it wasn't that. It was something you hit inside me. I think I'm okay now."

He nodded and leaned over to kiss me again before he positioned himself again. "Tell me if it still hurts."

It did still hurt. It wasn't as bad as it was before, but it was really uncomfortable. It was too much to ignore. Jake pulled out again and said something about next time. I was disappointed that we had to stop, and I felt bad for him.

"I'm sorry."

He rubbed my back reassuringly. "Don't be, Ness. You want to help me with this?" He gestured to his erection.

I smiled and nodded. He tried to touch me as I rubbed his length, but it just felt wrong to me. I asked him to stop; I just wasn't in the mood anymore. After he'd finished and we cleaned up, we got up to make dinner.

"I still feel bad," I told him as we sat at the table. I fed Faith a few pieces of ham.

"About the sex?" he asked. I nodded. He reached over to touch my hand. "Why do you feel bad, Ness? I'm not upset about it, so you shouldn't be."

I met his eyes and shrugged. "I don't know. I was so into it, then suddenly I wasn't. I think I'm more upset that I was getting pretty close to an orgasm when that happened, and I didn't get it." I pouted even though it was my fault. Or the baby's fault; whichever.

He smiled his sexy, one-sided smile. "I'll make it up to you double the next time, okay?"

I instantly felt better. "Sounds good." I knew he'd make good on that, too.

The next day while Jake was at work, I took some time to pamper myself. I got into a bubble bath and relaxed with my hands on my stomach. It was absolutely huge. It wasn't a bump anymore; it was a mountain. Neither Jake nor I could resist playing with the baby girl when she got active. We'd poke my stomach just to watch her kick back in the same place. She'd developed a fondness for the spot just below my ribs on the right side. Leah said I was lucky she hadn't started to attack my ribs yet. I really hoped she didn't go there. Her second favorite spot seemed to be my bladder. I couldn't go a full three hours without having to pee. Some days were worse than others, of course, but all in all we managed.

The terrible nightmares I'd had of the baby tearing my stomach open hadn't stopped completely, but they had become so much more bearable. They weren't nearly as consuming as they had been, and I was able to come back to reality when I woke up. I'd started having my old dreams again, too, but they were much the same as they had always been and few and far between. We'd starting taking childbirth classes together in an effort to make me less afraid of the big day. It seemed to be working, and I was happy that Jake seemed to be getting something out of it, too. We'd talked about it at length and decided that St. Joseph's was probably the best place to have our baby.

It seemed like no matter where we went, there was always someone who had to touch my stomach. It was funny to watch Jake's reaction when they would. At first, I think he put up with it just because I liked the attention. After the first little while, though, he started intercepting. It was actually pretty hilarious when he'd grab some unsuspecting old lady's hand and tell her not to touch the belly. He seemed to be okay with it if they asked first and got my permission. I was pretty sure he'd always been that protective, but sometimes it felt like I was walking around with my own personal bodyguard. Sometimes it got annoying. I knew he at least tried not to be overbearing.

For the most part, I loved everything about being pregnant. Feeling her move inside me and everything else that went with that was just as magical as I had always dreamed it would be. There were some things, though, that I didn't like. Stretch marks, for example. They were on my stomach, my thighs, and my breasts. They wouldn't have been so bad if they were light and blended into my skin, but no. They were dark pink and stood out like I'd painted them on. The weight gain was something else I didn't like. The baby weight was one thing, the other weight . . . I didn't think I really needed all the extra fat in my thighs, arms, or face. Compared to how thin I'd always been all my life, I looked chubby. I didn't like it. Jake still told me I was beautiful and sexy, but it wasn't as easy to believe it.

The nursery was almost ready for the little one. Instead of painting, we decided to do wallpaper. I fell in love with some pretty pink paper with Disney princesses on it. Jake didn't like it. He said he'd rather suffer plain, Pepto Bismol pink than princesses. I had to laugh; he was going to have to learn to deal with princesses and other girly things if he was going to have a daughter. In the end, we finally decided on pale purple with ballerinas on it. After Jake put that in, it hardly looked like the same room. We even got some curtains in the same light purple. We'd decided on the furniture we wanted, and we had a plan to get some things the next weekend when Jake had his days off.

I got out of the bath a while later and got dressed, then I went to do the dishes and watch a movie. It was a lazy day overall. Even Faith slept at my feet as I read a book. I had dinner ready when Jake got home. He took a shower, then we ate and spent some time dancing together in the living room. I think he was trying to rile me up, but it didn't work. I just wasn't feeling it.

I didn't feel it again until Wednesday, almost four days later. I tried not to feel bad when he'd ask if I was up for it and I had to say no. He never seemed disappointed or frustrated, only accepting. That night, though, I was finally able to say yes. I was really in the mood the way I had been before whatever happened, happened. It all drained away in an instant when Jake touched me, though.

"Wait," I said with a huff.

He looked up at me. "You okay?"

I sighed and laid back on the bed. "I don't know."

He slid up to lay next to me. "What's wrong, baby?" He kissed my shoulder.

I turned my head to look at him for a moment. We'd gone longer than a few days without making love before, but it was usually because we were busy or tired, not because one or the other didn't want it. I couldn't remember a time when I honestly didn't want to make love. At least not so much so that even the thought of him touching me made me nauseous.

"I'm so sorry." My voice was just a whisper.

His brow furrowed. "For what, Ness?"

I licked my lips. "I really did want to make love."

The crease between his eyebrows smoothed out, and a little smirk appeared on his lips. His hand eased up on my stomach and rested gently at the top. "You don't really think I'd be upset, do you?"

I shrugged. "No, I don't think you'd be upset. I'm frustrated, though, because one moment I want it so badly and the next I despise the idea. It's just not fair."

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss my cheek. "Fair or not, it's what is. Don't push yourself, babe. Go with the flow."

I sighed again. "If only the flow would do what I wanted it to do."

He kissed my lips. "Just remember that we will have sex again sometime. It might not happen until after the baby's born, but it will." The smirk on his face told me he was joking. As if either of us would really think about waiting almost four months.

"It better happen before then."

"We'll see. What should we do tonight?"

We ended up relaxing on the bed most of the night. He held me as we talked about future plans with the baby. He wanted to put a swing set in the back yard, and I had to remind him that she wouldn't be able to use it for quite a while. He also wanted to build her a doll house. He'd had the floor plans and everything worked up almost the moment we found out she was a girl. I joked and told him he should go into architecture.

Friday we had therapy. I talked to Dr. Furst a little bit about my frustration and mood swings. He told me to be patient and not to push anything. Jake and I talked about our sessions when we got home. It wasn't until after the conversation that I realized he'd been a little short with me. We went to the store later and picked up a few of the smaller things we needed for the nursery, including a white glider chair. I spent a while rocking in it reading a book while Jake did his own thing.

Days passed. I had a few orders from my business the next week and happily did them. I wasn't sure how the business was going to work after I had the baby. It wasn't demanding, but I did have to focus on what I was doing. I figured I'd find a way to make it work.

The next weekend, Jake announced that he was going to work on Friday. I was confused; he never worked Friday or Saturday. He mentioned something about a complication at work and had to deal with some of his team taking supplies. I'd been looking forward to having the day with him, but I pushed it aside and let him do what he needed to do. As I folded the laundry, I began to realize just how distant Jake and I had become over the last week. I tried to pass it off as my imagination or something in my hormones acting up again. Now that I'd thought about it, though, I couldn't ignore the almost complete lack of conversation between us the day before. He hadn't touched me as much the last few days. When we did talk, he seemed frustrated about something.

I sighed to myself and started to put the clothes away. They were little signs that Jake was beginning to have an issue with mania. It wasn't anything to get worked up about; we'd deal with it the way we had always dealt with it. And yet, something deep in my chest hurt because I felt like he was ignoring me on purpose. I gave myself a pep talk; Jake loved me and the baby, and if he was upset about something I'd done, he'd talk to me about it. Simple as that. Only it wasn't so simple, because convincing myself of these happier thoughts wasn't as easy as it had been before. Not that it had ever really been that easy, but it was only harder now that most of my logical thinking had been lost in over-complicated pregnancy mood swings.

I got a text from Jake around four o'clock saying he was going to be late. That usually meant he wouldn't get home until seven or eight. I had no idea how long it should take to settle whatever needed settling, but it didn't seem like it should be more than a few hours. I grimaced at the phone and went to decide what I was going to have for dinner.

Jake was really upset when he walked through the door at seven-thirty. He'd had to fire almost half his team for stealing supplies or somehow being involved in it. I wanted to talk to him about the situation between him and me, but it would have to wait. I wasn't going to approach him with something like that when he was already angry. Saturday was bad. He was on the phone a lot, and I watched him as he paced the living room and all but yelled at whoever he was talking to about the work thing. It was late afternoon when he was finally done.

I'd had a plan to calm him down and get his mind off of everything. If I couldn't have sex with him, I'd give him a massage and a really good blowjob. I was in the nursery pretending to read when I heard him grumble something about incompetent idiots and go into our bedroom. I stood up, took a deep breath, and went to get my groove on.

He was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. I hated to see him so upset. I crawled on the bed behind him and put my hands on his shoulders.

"Is everything going to be okay?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I don't know, Ness."

I leaned in and kissed his neck. "I'm sure it will. You're smart and strong; you'll get a new, more trustworthy team." I kissed him again and started to massage his shoulders gently.

He sighed. "I guess. What are you doing?" He pulled away from me and turned to look back at me.

I wanted to tell him it was obvious; I was trying to give him a much-needed release. The way he looked at me like he didn't even want me in the same room made my stomach churn, and the words failed me. "I, um . . ." I was stronger than this, dammit! How long had it been since I'd cowered away from him because of insecurities? I looked down at my stomach and sighed. "I wanted to give you a massage." I looked back up and hoped I'd see a smile on his lips.

Instead, his face was just as stony as it had been a moment ago. He stood up and took a step away from me. "Not right now."

I should have grown a back bone and asked him why. Instead, I just wanted to cry. He walked out of the room, leaving me on the bed wondering why I couldn't be with my husband. I laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. I knew without a doubt that if I didn't talk to him about this, it would only grow and fester into something so much bigger than it needed to be. If I could just open up, we could maybe resolve this.

I took a deep breath and looked down at my stomach. "Help me out here, little one," I said. "Help me convince your dad to calm down." I rubbed the mountain and licked my lips one last time before I finally got up.

Jake was in the nursery digging out the things he needed to assemble the crib. We'd gotten it a few days prior and had planned to do it together before the fiasco at his job. I stood in the doorway and watched him for a moment. He was on his knees in the middle of the floor. Every movement he made, no matter how tiny, was tense and frustrated. One piece had been put together and set against the wall. He held another piece in one hand and the instructions in the other. He sighed deeply and all but slammed the papers back on the floor before he reached over and grabbed a screwdriver.

I cleared my throat softly. "Hey, Jake."

He didn't look at me. "Hey." He leaned over something and swore at it again when it obviously didn't cooperate.

I steeled myself for whatever answer I'd get before I took a step inside. "Do you need any help?"

He dropped the tool and finally looked up at me. The frustration in his eyes was clear. "No, not right now."

I swallowed. "Are you sure? I could—"

"Please, Ness. Just let me do this."

"I can help." I started to bend to pick up a small bag of parts. Before I could reach it, the baby kicked my back and made me stop.

"Yeah, you can help by leaving me the fuck alone so I can get the goddamn crib built."

I tried to be rational. I'd known he was in a bad mood before I chased after him, so it shouldn't have hurt so badly when he all but told me to fuck off. Still, the rush of agony that washed over me felt like my heart was going to burst. I sobbed once before I could suck it up. He looked at me again and rolled his eyes. Of course he didn't care. I'd never wanted to kick him like I did in that moment.

"What if I just sit in the corner and hand you tools you need? Can I do that? I just want to be near you, Jake." I hated that he'd made me resort to begging.

He sighed again—it was more of a growl—and stood up and turned to face me. "Nessie, why is it so goddamn hard for you to understand that I don't want you in the fucking room right now?"

I swiped away the tears that wet my cheeks. "It's not hard at all to understand. You don't want me around. I get it." I wanted to be strong and stand up to him, but I felt so broken. My voice turned into a whine. "My husband doesn't want me around."

He rolled his eyes again. "For God's sake, Ness, quit with the whiney bullshit. Your mood swings are really getting annoying, you know that?"

I didn't even stop to think before I opened my mouth again. "Like yours aren't? At least I have a good excuse, Jake: I'm pregnant!"

He took a step closer to me, and the look in his eyes told me I was really pushing him. "Back the fuck off, Ness. I didn't ask for this shit. You're the one that wanted the goddamn baby."

His comment felt like a slap in the face. He could say whatever he wanted about me, but I'd be damned if he turned against our baby. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and took a step back.

"How dare you say that, Jacob? How dare you insinuate that you don't love her? Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want to be a father."

He looked down to rub the bridge of his nose. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Then what exactly did you mean? Yes, I wanted the goddamn baby. Are you going to tell me that you've changed your mind?" I took another step back. I wasn't going to let him get out of it.

He sighed and shook his head. "No, I'm not going to say that. You know I love her."

I took a moment to breathe and think about what I wanted to say next. "You love her. What about me?" I looked up at him. "You've been avoiding me."

"If you haven't noticed, Ness, I've been dealing with a lot of shit. I can't just snap my fucking fingers and make it all perfect again."

I tried not to notice that he hadn't answered my last question. I licked my lips again. "I know it's been difficult, but I'm trying to be here for you. How can I if you won't let me?"

He ran his fingers through his hair and paused for a moment. "Can't you be there for me a little further away? I don't want you right here all the fucking time."

Hearing that he really didn't want to be near me hurt so badly. I stood up straighter and tried to stay strong. "Why not?"

Without a word, he walked out of the room and went to the kitchen. I followed him.

"I want to know why, Jake. Just give me a reason, and I'll leave you alone."

He still didn't answer. He got a glass of water and stood with his back to me. All of my insecurities from before about my body came back. It probably wasn't logical—there had to be a hundred other possible reasons—but that didn't matter. I lifted my shirt and looked down at my belly.

"Is it because of these stretch marks?" I asked. I traced a line. It felt gross. My eyes watered as I looked up at him. He was still turned away. "Is it? Dammit, Jake, answer me!"

He all but threw his glass down on the counter. It shattered. I jumped and gasped as he finally turned around. "It's me, goddammit! Me, not you."

"That's really original, Jake," I said as I rolled my eyes.

"You think I'm joking?" He took a step forward, glass crunching under his shoes I realized he still hadn't taken off. The fire in his eyes and the look on his face told me he was being dead serious now. "Why the fuck would I play with you like that? It's me; all me. I'm fucking pissed, Ness, at every goddamn thing. _I don't want to hurt you_."

He said the last sentence through clenched teeth, accentuating every word. I blinked a few times and stared at him. The idea that he might be trying to protect me hadn't crossed my mind.

"I won't let myself hurt you," he said a little calmer. "If that means putting distance between us, then that's what I'll do."

I sucked in a deep breath and pulled my shirt back down. I didn't know what to say. The tension in the room hadn't dissipated yet. I wanted to be able to make it go away. Instead, I stayed quiet until Jake walked out. As he passed me, he mumbled, "Don't touch that glass; I'll clean it up later."

I went to the couch and sat down to think. Faith whimpered at the back door, so I went to let her in. I kept her away from the kitchen and called her over to the couch with me. We both sat on the floor, and I hugged her around her neck. She always let me cling to her whenever I needed. We couldn't have asked for a better dog. She licked my arm and shifted when I gripped her fur too tightly, but otherwise took whatever I did to her. At least she wanted me around. I closed my eyes tightly and breathed in the scent of Faith's fur. She always had that musty dog scent, but I found I actually liked it. It was comforting. We sat together and listened to Jake in the nursery cursing at the crib that obviously wasn't cooperating.

I had to think of something to say to him to get him to understand my point of view. Now that I knew what was going on in his head, I did feel a little better. I couldn't go the rest of the pregnancy or however long he was going to be upset without him, though. I needed him to hold me and talk to me and kiss me. I didn't want to demand it; I wanted him to want to be with me.

It felt like days later when Jake finally came out of the bedroom. In reality it had only been an hour and a half. He cleaned up the glass like he'd said he would, then he disappeared again. I sighed and got up to figure out something to do for dinner. I made a salad and went back to find Jake and let him know he could eat with me. He didn't answer me, so I ate and spent a little more time with Faith. After I'd cleaned up my mess, I took a deep breath for courage and went after my husband.

He was sitting on the side of the bed staring at his hands between his knees. Like I'd done earlier, I crawled up behind him. I didn't touch him this time, though. I sat down with my back on the headboard and stared at him for a moment.

"Jake?" I said softly.

He didn't look at me. "Yeah?"

I licked my lips. "I love you."

He sighed. "Yeah, me too."

I didn't want my eyes to water, but I couldn't stop them. "You love you, too?" I tried to be funny, but I don't think it worked. I sounded more pathetic than anything.

He sat up and finally turned to look at me. "I love you, Ness." He sounded exasperated.

I nodded. "I know." I looked up and blinked in an attempt to make the building tears go away. One fell anyway. I reached up and wiped it away. The bed moved as Jake rearranged himself and sat next to me.

"I'm sorry," he said.

I looked up at him and just wanted to cry more. "I don't understand why this has to happen."

He nodded and looked down at his lap. "Because I wouldn't ever forgive myself if I hurt you."

"I get that." I sniffled and wiped my nose with my arm. "I know why you're doing what you're doing. What I don't understand is why this whole thing has to happen in the first place. I don't want to put you in a situation that you're not comfortable, but I can't do this alone." I gestured to my stomach. "I can't. I need to know that you'll be there when I need you."

His brow furrowed. "You're not alone, Ness."

"It feels like I am. It feels like you don't want me around anymore." I raised my hand when he started to speak. "Please don't misunderstand. I know what's going on, and I don't want to push you. But I need you to know how I feel. It really hurts when you push me away, even to protect me. I trust you. If you really believe that it's that bad that you have to stay away from me, I'll deal with it. But I also want you to remember that I'm stronger than I look. I'm not going to break. Please make sure there's no other option before you decide I have to do this alone."

He was quiet for a minute before he met my eyes. "I didn't think about that."

I tried to smile. I'm sure it looked bad. I leaned in to rest my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around me. It felt nice. "I'm not telling you what to do. Like I said, I'll trust whatever decision you make. I just want you to make sure it's the right one."

He sucked in a deep breath and kissed my head. "I love you, Ness. I love you, and I love our daughter. It would kill me if I hurt either one of you."

I looked up at him. "I haven't changed, Jake. I'm no different than before I was pregnant. I get that you don't want to yell and fight; I don't want that either. But you can't tell me that avoiding me is better. I know you think you have to protect me from every little thing, but you really don't. I'm a big girl."

He smirked and tightened his arm around me. "I'm scared." He leaned his head back against the headboard. "I'm scared that I'm going to really fuck this up."

I leaned in and kissed his neck. "You've been afraid of that since the first time we talked about kids years ago. I know you're scared. I am, too, a little. Not that you'll fuck it up, but that I will. This whole parent thing is huge, but it's going to be so rewarding."

Jake pulled me closer, lifting me onto his lap, and held me tightly. "It's already been rewarding. I think I'm more nervous about the sex."

"What do you mean?"

He looked down at me and kissed my lips. "I mean I want you, Ness. All the fucking time. I don't want you to think that I'm upset, because I'm not. I just don't want to push you when I know it hurts you."

I smiled a little easier and lifted myself enough to kiss him again. "When I came in here earlier, I was planning to give you a blowjob."

His eyes darkened. "Really?"

I nodded. "Yes, really. Just because it hurts to make love doesn't mean you have to go without anything." I reached between us and rubbed his already growing erection. He groaned and shifted. "Let me help you."

"Ness, this really isn't a good idea." He pushed me off his lap and turned like he was going to get up and leave me alone again.

I reached out and grabbed his shoulder. "Why not? Jacob, don't walk away again, please?"

He sighed. "I don't want . . . it's not that I don't want a blowjob, but I want . . ." he trailed off, obviously upset that he couldn't find the right words.

I knew my Jake. I got on my knees beside him. "You want to be rough and in control."

He nodded. "Yes. But I won't do that, Ness. I won't—"

I kissed him to shut him up. "I trust you implicitly, Jake. You need to trust me, too. I wouldn't ask you to do this if I wasn't absolutely certain I knew you wouldn't hurt me."

He groaned. I kissed his neck and reached down to unbutton his pants. He didn't stop me this time, so I just kept going. I stroked his length and licked his ear. He groaned again and put his hand over mine to make me hold him tighter and move faster. I reached behind us and got a pillow to throw on the floor for my knees. It took me a second to maneuver myself off the bed. Once I was situated, Jake stood up.

"Just a second, babe." He walked away to take his shoes and clothes off. He came back to me naked and helped me take my shirt off. "I want to see your tits." I reached up to hold his erection again, and he made me look up at him. "Don't be afraid to tell me if I'm being too rough. Please, baby, don't let me hurt you."

I smiled and put my hand over his on my jaw. "Trust me."

He nodded and gathered my hair. I licked his tip and looked up at him as I took him into my mouth. I let him guide me, only keeping my hand on his shaft so I didn't gag. I used my other hand to stroke the rest of his length and his balls. He held my hair tightly and moaned as he moved faster.

"Dammit, Ness, that's good."

My whole body was throbbing as I listened to him. Somehow I knew the desire wouldn't last if I were to ask him to touch me. Instead, I took pleasure in giving him pleasure. I did things I knew he liked while still letting him stay in charge.

He pulled my head back and wrapped his hand around mine to pump faster. "I'm gonna cum, babe."

I opened my mouth to let him know where I wanted it. He groaned loudly, and his release hit my face. I didn't like the taste of it, but I knew he thought it was sexy when I at least got it in my mouth. I was glad he didn't mind that didn't swallow.

After we cleaned up, we went to lay on the bed together. He was still naked, and I just had my leggings on. I broke the silence a few minutes later.

"Do you feel better?" I looked up at him.

He kissed my forehead and nodded. "A lot better. Thank you."

I reached up to touch his cheek. "I love you, Jake."

"I love you, too."

"So you're really not upset with how my body's changing?" I asked.

He scoffed. "Please, Ness. I don't love you because you're pretty—"

"Was," I corrected. "I _was_ pretty."

He pushed me down on my back and hovered over me. "You are gorgeous. You're more beautiful now than you have ever been before. Don't ever let me hear you doubt that again. I'm serious."

I smiled. I couldn't deny that I loved his reaction. "Thank you."

He laid back down beside me. "As I was saying, I love you because you're you. You just happened to be beautiful along with all the rest of the things that make you up."

I raised an eyebrow. "So you still would have fallen in love with me if I wasn't skinny?"

He nodded emphatically. "Yes. Big, small, tall, short, whatever, women are sexy."

I snuggled up to him, immeasurably happy with his answer. "That's so sweet."

He kissed my head. "Besides, it's not like I'm the best looking guy around."

I leaned back. "Yes, you are. By a lot."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I am pretty hot." He poked his stomach. "I'm not in as good a shape as I used to be, though. I've traded my six-pack for a paunch."

It was true that his stomach wasn't as chiseled as it had been when I first met him, but it certainly wasn't getting any bigger. I put my palm on his lower belly just above his pubic hair line. "You don't have a paunch."

"Sure I do." He poked his stomach again. "See that? It jiggles."

I snorted. "My boobs jiggle, Jake. Your gut doesn't."

"Boobs are supposed to do that." He poked my right breast.

I smacked his hand away. "Stop it. Whether you have a six-pack or not, you're still the sexiest man ever."

He grinned. "I'll agree to that only if you tell me you're beautiful."

I sighed. "All right. I'm a stunning vision of beauty and grace." I hadn't meant for it to sound so sarcastic.

"Well, I wouldn't say grace, but yes. You are a stunning vision."

I turned my head to glare at him. "Thanks a lot. Now I'm clumsy?"

He laughed again and pulled me closer to him. "No, not clumsy. You're just off balance thanks to this little girl." He put his hand on my stomach.

"Nice try." I would have folded my arms if they weren't already around him.

He pouted. "I'm sorry. You're extremely graceful. You should take up ballet."

"That's taking it a little too far, but I forgive you."

He kissed me. "Good."

"Are we still planning to go to Harry and Sue's on Thursday for Thanksgiving?"

"Yep. The next few days I'm probably going to be late a lot, though, babe. We have to figure out what the fuck to do about this at the site."

I turned on my side facing him. "Don't you just need to get a new team?"

He shook his head. "I wish it was that easy, but no. There's a lot of missing supplies that have to be replaced, claims that have to be filed, and a whole lot of other bullshit. We'll do what we can tomorrow, but Monday everyone's meeting at the site to make a plan. I think Harry's coming, too."

I nodded. "You guys are smart; I have faith that you'll get it all figured out soon."

"Thanks, babe." He kissed me. "What time is it?" He leaned over to check the clock. "Almost seven. Do you want to help me finish the crib?"

I raised my eyebrow. "Are you sure you want me to help?"

He pursed his lips. "No, not really. There's just a lot of stuff that could hurt you. You could trip or jab yourself with a screw, or cut—"

"How about I let you do the manly thing and put the crib together, and I'll fix you something to eat?" I could give in that much to avoid raising his overprotective hackles.

He touched my jaw and kissed me. "Thanks, babe. I'd like that."

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><p>AN: Thanks for reading!

An update on Blood Moon for those of you reading: Unless inspiration changes in the next little while, I am going to finish chapter 11 of Faith, Hope, and Love then attempt to tackle chapter 18 of Blood Moon. I'm hoping if I get the next chapter out of my system, I'll be able to focus a little better on the supernatural. Please remember this isn't a promise, just a half-formed plan at the moment.


	11. Things We've Handed Down

A/N: I've been waiting for this chapter since chapter four! A lot of it was written a while ago, so I've just had to add a few things here and there. Many of you have been waiting for Baby Black, so here you go! Enjoy! Thank you to WolfGirl1335 and ReneeFF for pre-reading. Love you girls!

Warning: this chapter is fluffy in the extreme.

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><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Eleven

Things We've Handed Down

_Will you laugh just like your mother  
>Will you sigh like your old man<br>Will some things skip a generation  
>Like I've heard they often can<br>Are you a poet or a dancer  
>A devil or a clown<br>Or a strange new combination of  
>The things we've handed down<em>

-Things We've Handed Down – Marc Cohn

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><p><em><strong>Jacob<br>**__Two Months Later – January, 2015_

I held Ness lightly and watched her as she slept. The past months of the pregnancy had had their ups and downs for sure, but it seemed the closer we got to the finish line, the smoother the ride became. I was so proud of her. After our last big argument in November, I really tried to calm down and trust her to not push herself. It wasn't easy. The bigger she got, the more I liked the idea of locking her in a room just to make sure nothing happened to her or the baby. Of course I'd never do that, but sometimes it was tempting to suggest it. I knew she'd get big, but I'd had no idea just how big. She was fucking huge and getting heavier by the day. Not that I would actually tell her that, but it was still true.

I leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Ness, it's time to get up."

She squirmed and opened her eyes. "Can I stay in bed?"

I kissed her lips. "Of course. I'll bring your meds. Take them, then you can go back to sleep."

She nodded and moved to let me up.

The problem at work with the fuckers taking supplies had taken a while to get straightened out. It seemed the bastards forgot who they were working for. Just because Harry wasn't owner of the business anymore, they assumed they could get away with shit. We were still working to catch up to our scheduled progress, but it was getting easier. Seth and I had put in a better security system. So far we hadn't had any other problems.

When it came to names, Ness and I kept coming back to the one we'd first talked about. We came up with several different ideas, but one or the other of us didn't like them. I still didn't want to name my daughter Sarah. It was nice, but it was my mother's name. Neither of us liked her middle name, Justine. I joked with Ness and said we should combine Sarah and Bella; it just got me a dirty look. In the end, we finally decided we would go with Josephine. I liked it; I thought it sounded elegant. I'd already given her a nickname. Once we made the decision, it sounded so right. She was our little Josie.

Ness and I had a plan. We'd been told we should start preparing for the birth at thirty-three weeks. Ness was thirty-five weeks now, and it felt like every day we were hovering on the possibility. If she went into labor while I was at work, we had it all covered. I downloaded a specific ringtone just for Ness so I'd know when it was her calling without having to stop to check. I was with her almost all the other time anyway. The nursery was finished aside from a few last-minute things we wouldn't get until Josie was born.

Ness' weird food cravings hadn't gone away as the pregnancy progressed. Instead, they just got weirder. Most of the time when I got home, she'd have something new and "interesting" ready for dinner. That night was no exception. She'd made fried apples with sausage and some kind of creamy Alfredo sauce. She loved it, but I gave up and made a sandwich.

We usually spent our weekends together getting things ready for Josie. We'd started to work with Faith, getting her ready to have a new addition in the house. I was nervous, but Nessie assured me Faith would be fine. I really hoped so, because I knew Ness wouldn't like it if we had to get rid of the dog.

This weekend, however, Ness had plans to spend Saturday with Leah, Melanie, and a few mothers from the birthing classes we'd taken. I had issues with Karla and her husband, Stan. She was a stuck-up bitch, but more importantly, Stan was a pain in the ass. He acted like being in the class was a huge burden. Ness had told me she only acted that way around her husband and that she was really sweet when she got to know her. I hoped that was true. I didn't think Ness was lying, but I did consider many times that Karla was putting on an act for her.

After Ness left, I went out to the shed and climbed up to the top where I had some old things from my childhood. I grabbed a large, white bag and went back inside. Faith sniffed around it excitedly. She sat down, her tail thumping hard against the floor, and looked up at me expectantly.

"I don't have a treat for you, girl." I scratched her ears and opened the bag. Inside were all of my old teddy bears from my mother. "You even think about eating one of these, I'll throw you outside for a month." I pulled one out and let her sniff it. "Not a dog toy."

She licked her nose and looked up at me again. I was pretty sure she understood me. I pulled the rest of them out and lined them up on the coffee table. They were all relatively the same size. I arranged them from first to last and pointed at each one.

"This was the one Mom gave to me for my first birthday." The bear was blue with a little silk bow around its neck. "I think we'll have to get a pink one for Josie." I moved on to the next one and told Faith a little about each one. Sarah Bear Two was fluffy and white with a red bow. Three was poseable and plain brown. Four was extra fluffy and brown with a red heart. I was sick the year Mom gave that one to me. Five was cream-colored and wore a black sweater. Dad told me she'd made the sweater. Six was dark brown with cream coloring on its belly and paws. And seven was gray with a black and white checkered bow.

I patted Faith's side. "You won't eat them, right? These are all for Josie. You have your own chew toys."

She whined and stood up. She stared at me for a second before she padded into another room. She came back a minute later with one of her mostly-chewed-up stuffed animals. I chuckled and scratched her neck. "That's my girl. You're a good dog, Faith."

I got an idea and took all the bears to the bedroom and laid them all down on the bed. I thought about tucking them in, but I really didn't want to be that annoyingly mushy. Instead, I just laid them there and went to do something else until Ness came back.

Ness got back a little after four o'clock. She was smiling brightly and waddling as she walked in. I met her in the living room.

"How was your day?" I asked.

She stood on her toes to kiss me, but lost her balance half way. I caught her and bent to kiss her lips. "It was great. I talked about you a lot." She smiled deviously. "Bragged is more like it."

I raised an eyebrow as she led me to the couch so she could sit. I kept my hand on her back as she eased herself down. "What did you brag about?"

She leaned back against me and turned her head to kiss my neck. "Only that you're the most amazing husband in the world. There's a reason Karla's such a bitch around her husband. I would be, too, if you tried to pull the crap he did. He still denies that the baby is his, even though she swears he's the only person she's had sex with in years. They're both working, but he still expects her to cook and clean; you know, be the typical barefoot-in-the-kitchen kind of woman. Gale is such a sweetheart, though. She talked a lot about her boyfriend, and he seems nice. Not like you, though. He doesn't seem to be very interested in her pregnancy from what she said. So I told them all about us and how great you are." She kissed me again.

I hugged her lightly. "I'm glad you had fun, babe." I had to admit it felt good that I gave her something to boast about. "Speaking of me and my awesomeness, I have a surprise for you."

She sat up. "Really? What is it?"

I stood up and held out my hand for her. "Come see."

I hoisted her off the couch, then she held my arm as we walked down the hall. I held my hand over her eyes, ignoring her giggled protests, and led her to the side of the bed. Finally, I let her see. She stared at the bears for a second before she looked up at me.

"Are these them? The ones from your mother?"

I nodded and sat down. I helped her down next to me. "Yes. I've put them in order. The blue one was the first, and the gray was the last."

She picked up the gray one closest to her and looked at it. "Could we give one to Josie?" She looked up at me. Her eyes were wet.

I kissed her forehead. "I figured we'd give them all to her. I was thinking one a month or something like that."

"That sounds wonderful, but we should probably wait until she's old enough to have them in her crib. Oh, Jake, I'm so excited. Less than a month left." She looked down and patted her stomach. "I bet Josie's excited, too."

I put my hand next to hers. "Do you think she'll like them?" I asked. I gestured to the bear in her hand.

Ness smiled brightly. "Of course she will. When she gets old enough to understand, we can tell her that they came from her Grandma Sarah."

My chest tightened. "I really like that idea, babe." I wondered what my mother would think of being a grandmother. She'd probably be ecstatic. I imagined her and my dad holding hands somewhere and agreeing with each other that it was about damn time I had a kid.

Ness touched my arm. "What's wrong?"

I blinked and shrugged when a tear fell down my cheek. "Nothing." I cleared my throat and wiped away the evidence.

She smiled and inched a little closer to me. "You can't hide from me, Jake. I'm pretty sure your mom would be so proud of you." She leaned in and kissed my shoulder. "Your dad, too."

I laid back on the bed and pulled her with me. "What do you think your dad would say about being a grandfather?"

She stared at the ceiling for a second before she turned back to me. Her eyes were sad but happy at the same time. "He always loved children. A few times growing up, I caught him saying something about how he wished I could have had brothers and sisters. He would be so excited about this." She gasped and cringed, and both her hands moved to the top of her belly.

I put my hand over hers. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yes. Another fake contraction."

I shifted a little closer and rubbed her stomach. Josie squirmed inside her and pushed against my hand. I doubted I would ever get used to feeling her move. Before Ness' pregnancy, I'd never liked the idea of a creature moving inside another human. It grossed me out. I even had a hard time feeling Leah's stomach when she'd beg me to. With Ness and our baby, it was so different. There was nothing disgusting about it; it was just pure bliss. I moved my hand around and chuckled when she kicked me each time.

"You're so cute, Jake," Ness said quietly.

I looked up at her. "Blame the kid; she started it." I moved down to get closer to the baby. "Didn't you?" I spoke to her belly. "Yeah, you kicked me first."

Ness laughed. "Maybe she'll end up playing soccer."

"Either that or she'll be a kick boxer."

It wasn't long before Ness had to get up. I helped her stand, let her do her thing in the bathroom, then we went to figure out what to do for dinner.

* * *

><p>The closer we got to the end of the pregnancy, the more worried Ness and I both got about Josie and what she would inherit from both of us. Only time would tell if she was bipolar. Over the next week, we did a lot of research and found there was a test that could be done to tell if she had photosensitivity. It was so rarely done that we'd have to make an appointment with a specialist months in advance. We talked about it for a long while before we decided we'd do our own test. Ness developed a plan. I didn't like it, but I had to trust her. Instead of telling her the plan was stupid, I sat beside her at the kitchen table on Friday and listened as she explained it to me.<p>

She licked her lips and looked at me. "We'll take her outside for two minutes. Her baby skin is much more sensitive than an adult's. If she doesn't get a rash, take her out for five minutes. Go up to ten. If still nothing, we'll wait a week and repeat the procedure."

I sighed. "Can't we just keep her inside until she's eighteen?"

Ness smirked sadly. "No. You know as well as I do that would never work. I don't want to risk it, either, but believe me; it will be easier to find out this way than to find out when she gets a really bad rash."

I remembered how much pain Ness was in after our first fight all those years ago. I wasn't going to let my daughter get hurt like that. Ever. Ness was right; risking a little bit of a rash was so much better than that.

Two days later was the first of February. Josie's due date was the eighteenth, but neither of us thought she'd actually make it until then. Nessie was convinced we'd have our daughter before Valentine's day, and I didn't argue with her.

Tuesday night, Ness woke me up with a sharp jab in the ribs. I pushed her hand away and groaned.

"What is it, baby? Are you okay?" I opened my eyes to see her sitting up holding her very large stomach.

She shook her head. "Yes. No. I think—Ow, God!"

I was suddenly wide awake. "Is it happening? Right now?" I glanced at the clock; one in the morning. She nodded frantically. I got out of bed and took a deep breath. I knew what to do. We'd rehearsed this. Fuck rehearsals, my wife was having our baby! "Okay, um . . . the car. Shit. I need my keys." I patted my chest as if I expected to find a pocket in a shirt I wasn't wearing. Clothes. Dammit!

"Jake, calm down." Her voice wasn't calm at all; it didn't help much. "We've planned for this. My bag is in the closet."

I took another deep breath and went to get her bag. While I was there, I grabbed a random shirt and pulled it on, then I slipped into my shoes and took hers over to her. I helped her put them on, then I let her take my arm so we could hobble out to the living room. I got what I needed and called the hospital on the way out to the car to let them know we were coming.

I wasn't sure who was in worse shape by the time we got there. Nessie cried out every time a contraction hit, and I nearly pulled over several times just to check on her. The hospital had Ness' room all ready for her by the time we made it. I helped her in and shouted directions at people even though I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was Nessie was most definitely in labor. Someone told me to calm down, and I almost hit them.

Nessie reached out. "Jake, come here."

I took her hand and pulled a stool over to sit next to her. "Yes, baby?"

She smiled. "Calm down. They know what they're doing."

The same nurse that had told me to chill out mumbled something under his breath. I glared at him for a second before turning my attention back to Ness. I leaned down and kissed her knuckles. "I'm trying."

"I know. You're amazing."

I chuckled. "I think I'm supposed to say that to you."

Dr. Peterson showed up a few minutes later to check on Ness. He did the routine exam and declared her in labor. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. She was dilated to a two. When he left, we were finally alone. I kissed Nessie's head.

She held my hand tightly as another contraction made her whimper. I pet her hair and leaned over the side of the bed to kiss her forehead. "You're doing so good, baby."

She looked at me with wide eyes. "I'm scared."

I nodded. "It's okay to be scared. I'm here for you, though."

Her hand tightened even more on mine. "Stay."

I kissed her lips. "You know I'm not going anywhere."

"Jake?"

"Yes, baby?"

She squeezed my hand hard with another contraction. "Oh my God!" Her eyes shut tightly. It took everything I had to keep from demanding some kind of painkiller for her. She wanted a natural childbirth, and I was determined to do whatever the hell it took to make that happen for her. When it was over, she panted for a moment before she looked at me again. "You've got the process to test her skin, right? Take her outside for two minutes, then five, eight, and ten."

"Yes, I've got it."

"Are you sure? Because if I don't make it—"

I shook my head. I couldn't let her finish that sentence. "Don't say that. You're going to be fine, remember?"

"I'm repeating it in my head over and over; I'm still scared." Her hand tightened on mine again, but it wasn't a contraction. She reached up with her free hand and grabbed my shirt to pull me closer.

"I know, baby."

It hurt so fucking badly to see her terrified and in so much pain. I had to remind myself that it was normal and I couldn't do anything but try to comfort her as much as I could. The doctor came in periodically to check on her. I guided Ness as best as I could through the breathing exercises we'd learned in the birthing classes. To get both of our minds off the pain, we talked about what our baby was going to be like. She'd be so beautiful with auburn hair like her mother. Ness disagreed. She told me she'd dreamed several times of a black-haired girl.

"She could have black hair," I conceded. "And she'd have your gorgeous brown eyes."

Ness smiled at me. "You have to learn how to braid."

I laughed and kissed her. "I'll let you teach me."

"She'll be a dancer like the ballerinas on her wallpaper. We need to get a little stereo in her room so we can play Mozart for her."

I nodded. "We'll get one as soon as you two are settled. You have to promise me she won't just listen to classical. She needs to learn all the genres."

She gritted her teeth and cried out when another contraction hit. It was a miracle my hand wasn't broken yet. When it passed, she licked her lips and nodded. "She might end up liking that Sevenfold crap."

I could imagine my little girl rocking out to Avenged Sevenfold. It made my smile widen. "But she'll also like that classical crap."

Nessie laughed. "When she gets older, you can take her to the park and let her play."

I nodded. "She'll keep her cool like a champ."

"She's going to be amazing, just like her father."

"Like her mother, too."

Time seemed suspended, and yet it passed by so quickly. We were closing in on the seventh hour of labor when Dr. Peterson said Ness was ready to push. He started to get the equipment ready for the delivery. I knew Nessie was scared, but I was close to freaking out myself. I had to at least try to appear like I was holding it together for her. It wasn't me giving birth. But still; I was the father. Wasn't I entitled to be a little nervous?

"Don't let me go, Jake," she cried.

I kissed her temple. "Nessie, listen to me. If there were any chance of a complication, you wouldn't even be trying this. You'd be in having a C-section. There's nothing wrong, and you will be fine. I'm here; I'm not leaving. You know damn good and well I'd break the doctor's neck before I'd let him hurt you or our baby."

Dr. Peterson looked at me warily for a second before he continued what he was doing.

Nessie nodded but didn't say anything else. I kissed her again and encouraged her to push when the doctor said push. I wouldn't have been surprised if my hand fell off before the baby was delivered, but before I knew it, the doctor pulled back and told Ness and me we had a daughter. Ness and I had talked before her water broke, and she made me promise I would cut the umbilical cord. I did it just for her. I had to admit, though, that the sight of the small, bloody human didn't gross me out like I had been afraid it would. That was my kid. Ness and I had made her together. I glanced at the clock. Josie was born at seven-fifty-eight in the morning on February fourth.

I sat back and watched as our daughter was placed in Nessie's arms. I was amazed at how beautiful the scene was. Nessie's hair was damp from sweat, her face was wet with tears, and she had dark circles under her eyes from stress and not getting enough sleep, but there had never, ever been a more beautiful woman. Her smile was positively radiant as she looked down at the bundle in her arms. She glanced over at me, and my gut wrenched. The stool I was sitting on was too fucking far away. I got up and went to her. Her hand shook as she reached out for me. I took it and bent down to kiss her.

"You did so good, baby," I told her. "So fucking good. She's beautiful."

Nessie nodded. "Our daughter. Jake . . . I love you."

I kissed her again. "I love you, too."

"Do you know what you're going to name her?" the nurse asked as she finished up a few things before they cleaned the baby.

Nessie sighed happily and looked down at our baby. "Her name is Josephine. Josephine Marie Black." She smiled up at me.

"That's a beautiful name." The nurse sounded like it was a well-rehearsed line. She fidgeted with Nessie's machines, then a few more nurses came in with a little cart. Josie and Ness were both cleaned, and I was given some wipes for my hands. They took Josie's measurements as Ness and I moved to a different room. I was surprised when she only weighed five pounds seven ounces. She was long, though; a full nineteen inches.

It felt like forever before we were alone again. Nessie was sitting with the bed in its upright position, cradling Josie as she slept. I wasn't sure if Ness was sleeping or not. Her eyes were closed, but she had a little smile on her lips. I sat in the recliner next to the bed taking a few moments to enjoy the silence before we invited people to meet the newcomer. It felt good.

A little whimper made me sit up straight. I stood up when Josie squirmed. Nessie's eyes were still closed. A tiny hand reached up and grabbed the chain of Ness' locket. The movement was feeble and uncoordinated, and her fingers didn't actually wrap around the chain, but the emotion in my chest watching it was intense.

"Do you want to hold her?" Nessie asked. Her voice startled me.

I met her eyes, unsure of how to respond. Yes, I really fucking wanted to hold my daughter. But suddenly I was terrified. What if I dropped her? What if I held her too tightly and hurt her? She was so fragile.

"Don't be afraid, Jake. She's your daughter; you couldn't hurt her."

I swallowed. "I, um . . ."

"It might be easier if you sit down again." She gestured with her head to the recliner.

She was right. I dragged it closer and sat down. It wasn't possible to take Josephine from that position, though, so I had to stand back up. Nessie told me it was just like how I'd held Joshua and Hannah when they were babies. Neither of them were my little girl. I had been worried enough holding them. Somehow I managed to take Josie and sat down as gently as I could. I held her awkwardly, attempting to adjust my arms to accommodate her.

"You look so sweet," Nessie said.

I glanced up quickly with a smirk. Josie squirmed, and I almost panicked. She made the cutest little gurgling sound and turned into my chest. I took a few minutes to just look at her. I fully understood now why everyone called babies little miracles. She truly was. She had Nessie's nose and my chin. She had surprisingly thick, dark hair. The nurses had put a little pink bow in it somehow. She stared up at me with dark gray eyes surrounded by a round, pudgy, completely perfect face. I moved the blanket around her a little more to look her over. The nurses had put her in a little pink outfit. I lifted one of her legs and smiled. Her feet were so small. Her toes curled, and she gurgled again. I covered her back up and lightly touched her ear.

"Talk to her, Jake."

What do I say? What could anyone say to something so wonderful? I cleared my throat. "Hi, Josie," I said uncertainly. Her little arm reached up again and patted my shirt. "I'm your daddy." I leaned back so I could cradle her more securely with one arm and very lightly touched her tiny wrist. Her skin was so soft. Her little hand curled and uncurled slowly like she was looking for something to hold on to. I gave her my forefinger. Her hand circled around it, her thumb barely making contact with her other fingers. I sniffled and bent my head down to kiss her forehead as gently as I could. "I love you."

Nessie made an odd sound like a cross between a whimper and a sob. I looked up to see her crying, too. She immediately shook her head.

"I'm fine," she said quickly. "Just watching you hold her . . . It's beautiful."

I nodded. "She's beautiful, Nessie. Thank you."

She laughed and wiped her face. "Why are you thanking me? You helped make her."

"I did, but you delivered her. You kept her safe inside you and you did such an amazing job. You brought her into the world. So thank you."

Her lips trembled. "I love you."

As incredible as it was holding my little girl, I felt incomplete. I needed my wife, too. "How do I stand up with her?"

"You need to trust yourself, Jake. It's just simple adjustments to make sure you keep her safe. I know you, and I know you wouldn't let yourself hurt her."

I nodded and took my finger from her to make sure I had her securely before I stood up. It took some maneuvering, but I managed to get on the bed next to Nessie and put my arm around her. She put her arm underneath mine supporting Josie, and we held her together.

"I love you, too, baby." I kissed Nessie then Josie. "Both of you."

Nessie smiled a huge smile and rested her head on my shoulder. "I'm so happy."

"Me too."

It wasn't long before Josie fell asleep again. Ness was pretty tired, too, but she was up for visitors. I called the people we wanted to come over, and it wasn't long before we had a roomful. I wondered briefly how Sam went through this twice. Watching my daughter get passed around was excruciating. I was proud of her and wanted to show her off, but I sure as hell didn't want anyone to touch her. To keep myself from hovering and possibly threatening everyone who held her, I sat next to Nessie and held her hand. She looked at me and smiled. Her beautiful brown eyes were humorous; I think she knew how I felt.

When Josie cried, Seth gladly handed her back to me. She was silent again and yawned. Everyone cooed. I gave her to her mother and kissed her head.

"You ready for some sleep?" I asked Ness.

She nodded. "Very much."

I kicked everyone out and promised they could come visit again after we went home the next day. Once the door shut, I went and sat next to Ness again.

"Let's not do that again, okay?"

She looked at me. "Do what?"

"Invite everyone at once."

She laughed. "Okay; we'll do it in shifts." She held out her hand for me. I took it. "I'm so tired."

I leaned forward and kissed her hand. "Go to sleep, Ness. I'll put Josie in her little bassinet thing over here." I got up to get the cart. Once Josie was settled and Ness was asleep, I put the recliner back and closed my eyes.

* * *

><p>I woke up with a start to the sound of Josie crying. Ness wasn't in bed beside me. The clock read three in the morning. I got up and went to the nursery to see Ness holding Josie to her shoulder and lightly patting her back. She was swinging her hips and singing something I couldn't make out over Josie's cries. She'd stop every few seconds to gently shush the baby then continue her song.<p>

I leaned against the doorframe and watched her for a few minutes. Whatever was wrong, Josie was serious about it. I pushed away from the door and took a few steps in.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

Ness turned around and nodded. "I think so. I've fed and changed her, and she's burped a few times. I just can't get her to calm down again."

"How long've you been up?" I went up to her and touched Josie's back.

Ness sighed. "A little over two hours."

"How about I take over and you go back to bed?"

She smiled gratefully. "I'd really appreciate that."

I kissed her and took Josie carefully. Over the last three days, I'd gotten more used to handling her. As soon as I had her in my arms, she stopped crying.

Nessie laughed. "Oh, that's just mean. You two have fun, I'm going to bed. Love you."

"Love you, too, babe." I turned my attention back to my daughter. She gurgled, and her face scrunched up for a moment. I had to laugh when she yawned. "You just wanted Daddy, huh?" I asked. I bounced her lightly. She grimaced and started to cry again. "No? No bouncing?" I stopped, and so did she. "All right, no bouncing. What should we do then?"

I went to the crib and got her blanket, then I started the CD Ness had made of soft lullaby-type music and sat down with her on the glider. She didn't like being up on my shoulder, so I cradled her and draped the blanket over both of us. That made her happy. She yawned again and curled her hand. I gave her my finger. I rocked slowly with her for a while until I felt myself falling asleep. I checked her; she was out. I smiled to myself and got up to lay her in her crib.

"Goodnight, Josie." I kissed two fingers and very gently touched them to her forehead. I turned on the monitor before I left the room and went back to bed.

* * *

><p>AN: Thanks so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts on Daddy Jake :)

I'm on Twitter and Tumblr, SheeWolf85


	12. A New Day

A/N: *GASP* I really am updating! Really! There is a marshmallow-creampuff-cotton-candy fluff alert on this chapter.

Special thanks to WolfGirl1335 and ReneeFF for pre-reading. I love you girls!

Okay, so I have a few notes, but I'm pretty sure everyone has already stopped reading this in favor of starting the chapter, so I'll wait until the post-note to say them :) Enjoy!

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><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Twelve

A New Day

_Through the darkness and good times  
>I knew I'd make it through<br>And the world thought I had it all  
>But I was waiting for you<br>Hush now  
>I see a light in the sky<br>Oh, it's almost blinding me  
>I can't believe<br>I've been touched by an angel with love_

-A New Day Has Come – Celine Dion

* * *

><p><em><strong>Renesmee<br>**__Three Weeks Later – February 26th, 2015_

I smiled to myself and leaned against the nursery doorframe to watch Jake holding our baby girl in the glider. Josie was sound asleep wrapped up like a burrito. Jake was snoring, as sprawled out on the glider as he could get.

I'd woken up a few minutes earlier out of a panicked sleep. Something didn't feel right. In the past three weeks, there hadn't been one night that Josie hadn't gotten up at least twice. We usually both woke up and decided which one of us would get her. I'd started pumping my breast milk after Jake complained he didn't get to feed her. I found it made it much easier to deal with feeding times if we could take turns. This time, however, I hadn't even heard her when she woke up. I'd only gotten more scared when Jake wasn't in bed with me and I didn't hear Josie crying. I'd gotten up to check on her, and every ounce of anxiety went away when I found father and daughter together in the nursery.

Faith was asleep beside the glider at Jacob's feet. She had become Josie's personal watchdog. She had to be near the baby at all times, and she would come around to investigate any time she cried. It didn't surprise me to find her in here keeping watch over her. She looked up at me when I pushed away from the doorframe and took a few steps in. She licked her nose and laid back down.

I moved to Jake's side and lightly combed my fingers through his hair. It didn't seem like it had been three weeks, and yet at the same time it felt like it had been so much longer. So much had happened. We performed the first test on Josie's skin after she'd been home a week. She didn't get a rash even after ten minutes, so we did it again the next week. We were going to do one more this week and see what happened. So far it seemed she wouldn't have to live a life tucked away from the sun. I was so relieved; I wanted Josie to have everything including the freedom to do whatever she wanted without fear of getting second- and third-degree burns from the sun.

Josie was a handful and a half. Even with all the preparation Jake and I had before she was born, I didn't realize just how much this little human was going to take over my life. I didn't have time to do much of anything. I'd had such high hopes of finally getting my sex life back, but it hadn't worked out how I'd thought it would. Jake and I were lucky to make love twice a week. Even then, it was usually rushed in fear that Josie would need something. Still, the rewards of having her with us outweighed the bad parts a million to one. Watching Jake play with her was at the very top of my list of things I liked to do. For a man who spent the majority of his life claiming to dislike kids, he sure knew how to make her happy. She didn't do much, of course, but she studied him hard when he talked to her or moved her legs to make her "dance." She'd study me when I had her, but there was something magical about the way she watched him.

I lightly touched Josie's fluffy hair. She'd already gotten so much bigger. Her hair was only getting thicker and darker. I was convinced she'd have black hair like I'd always thought. Her eyes hadn't changed; they were still the dark grayish blue they'd been when she was born. I was pretty sure they'd change eventually, but I wouldn't mind one bit if they didn't. They were beautiful as they were. I reached out to pick her up and put her back in the crib. Before I could even lift her, Jacob's arms contracted around her. He grunted and opened his eyes as he sat up straighter. He blinked a few times and looked up at me when he was awake enough to realize I was there.

"Hey, babe," he said groggily. "Guess I fell asleep." He let go and let me take the baby. She squirmed a little but otherwise didn't seem to care she was being moved.

"When did she wake up?" I asked.

He stood up and stretched while I laid Josie down. "I think it was about one. What time is it now?" He looked at his wrist before he realized he didn't have his watch on.

"It was almost three when I woke up and came to check on her. I was scared." I reached down to lightly touch Josie's cheek before I turned back to Jake.

He pulled me up close to him and kissed my head. "Why were you scared?"

"I don't know. Something felt wrong, I guess because she hadn't woken me up yet."

He nodded and pulled back. We went back to our bedroom together after I made sure the monitor was on. "I didn't want to wake you up just to tell you I was going to get her."

We both yawned as we climbed into bed together. His arms wrapped tightly around me, and I snuggled into his chest. "I know, baby." I kissed his chest. We were both out again within minutes.

The next day was another milestone. Josie's umbilical cord had fallen off the day before, and it was time for her very first bath. Jake was worried about getting her near the water after doing research on the first bath online and reading tragic stories about parents accidentally drowning or scalding their newborn. I was a little nervous as well, but I knew she'd be fine. Neither of us would let anything happen to her.

"First of all, Jake, we'll both be in the bathroom the whole time. Second, the water's not even going to be three inches deep. And besides that, you have to stop reading those things. We can't just never give her a bath."

He pursed his lips. "Sponge baths work fine."

I raised my eyebrows. "Would you like it if you could only have a sponge bath?"

"I'm not a baby."

"The point is that it's time to start introducing her to baths. We can wait a few more days if you want if that would make it easier for you. But we can't skip it altogether. She'll grow up with an aversion to bathing."

He sighed. He was usually the logical one. I knew he didn't like it when I had to tell him he was freaking out over nothing. Finally, he nodded. "Okay, we can do it today. I want to be the one down on the floor, though."

I nodded. "Whatever makes you feel more comfortable. I'll hand you whatever you need." We'd planned on doing it the other way around, but of course I was okay switching things up for him.

He took Josie from me and we went into the bathroom. I put the baby bathtub in the big one and started the water. Faith was extremely interested in what we were doing with her baby. I patted her side and let her sniff around. While I got the washcloths and soap, Jake got Josie ready. I smiled to myself as I listened to him talking to her.

"Your very first bath. Are you excited? The water's not scary. Daddy will keep you safe." He brought her into the bathroom and smiled at me. We kicked Faith out so she didn't get in the way.

"It's all ready. I triple checked the temperature and everything. You're good to go."

He nodded and kissed me, then handed Josie to me so he could get down on the floor and check the water again. When he was ready, I gave her back to him and watched him place her in the baby tub. Her eyes widened and her little body stiffened, but she didn't cry.

"See, Josie? It's just water." Jacob picked up the washcloth I'd already put in there and squeezed the water out of it before gently rubbing it over her skin. "It feels good, huh? Mommy and Daddy play in the water every day."

She watched him closely for a moment before she lifted her arms and squealed. Jacob chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, it's fun."

I kneeled down next to him and kissed his shoulder. I wasn't in Josie's line of sight, otherwise she probably would have looked at me. Instead, she kept her eyes trained on her daddy's face while he washed her. He asked me for the soap when he was ready, and I got the light pink bottle. Despite the way the baby bath held Josie secure, Jake was insistent on keeping his hand under her head to hold her a little better. I had a feeling he would have taken over anyway had we started the other way with me bathing her.

Once she was rinsed and Jake was confident she was clean enough, I got the little hooded towel. Jake handed her to me and we wrapped her up together.

"Daddy's good at that, huh?" I asked her. She just yawned. "Bath time is tiring. Let's get you dressed."

Faith was right at the door when we opened it. She had to sniff again to make sure everything was as it should be. I shooed her out of my way so I could get Josie to the changing table. Jake had already picked out a blanket sleeper for her, so I got her dressed and took her to the living room to feed her. Jake cleaned up the bathroom then came to sit on the couch next to me. He played with my hair while we both watched Josie suckle my breast.

"You did it, Jake," I said. "And you did a good job." I looked over at him.

He smiled. "Thanks, babe." He kissed me. "We do it twice a week or so, right?"

We had read several different opinions online and got suggestions from all of our friends with children. The answers ranged from once a day to once a week. We both decided on twice a week at first to see how it went.

"Yep. Do you want to do it again next time or take turns?"

He pursed his lips. "Don't think I don't trust you, Ness; I know you wouldn't let her get hurt. I'm just . . . you know . . ." He trailed off.

I smiled and leaned into him a little more. "I know. You're just an overprotective daddy. We could assign you with permanent bath duty."

He laughed. "I'm pretty sure you want a chance."

"At least once would be nice so I can say I've had a little practice."

He kissed my head. "Okay. But not next time. Sometime after that."

Josie squirmed and pulled away from my breast. I looked down at her and wiped a spot of milky drool off her bottom lip. "All done, baby?" I asked.

She yawned and squirmed again before her little face scrunched up and she cried. I fixed my shirt and lifted her to my shoulder to pat her back. One thing I could say was that she was a very productive burper. It didn't take much to get one out of her. After she'd given me a few, I laid her back down on my lap to see if she wanted anything from the other breast. She latched right on and started the routine over again. I smiled and leaned back against Jake again.

She was finished fifteen minutes later. I took her to her bedroom and laid her down in the crib, then I turned the monitor on and quietly crept back out to the hall.

"Is she asleep?" Jake asked.

I nodded. "Out like a light."

He held out his hand and gave me his signature one-sided smile. I grinned back and gave him my hand. Josie usually took a lot of short naps throughout the day and night, and we never how long we'd have. We had other things to do besides get frisky between the sheets. Laundry was piling up and there were dishes in the sink. Given this perfect opportunity when we were both available and awake, we pretty much had to take it.

Josie woke up an hour and a half later. I got her up, changed her, and took her to sit in her bouncer in the kitchen while I did dishes and Jake started some laundry. We both felt much better after our afternoon delight. I was nervous about later; we were going to give Josie's skin the final test. I looked back at her a few times and smiled. Every time I did, she'd kick her legs excitedly. I made it a form of peek-a-boo. I couldn't wait for later when she'd smile and giggle back at me.

Jake came in the room when he'd finished his part of the housework. "How's it coming?" he asked. He stood a few feet behind Josie, at the doorway. Her eyes widened and she squirmed. She'd heard her daddy.

"It's coming; I only have a few cups and a bottle left."

Josie kicked her legs again, faster this time, causing her chair and the toys above her to bounce.

Jake chuckled. "She likes that thing."

Almost as if on cue, she wailed loudly. I turned quickly to see if she'd somehow hurt herself. She looked fine, and her legs were still going. Jake came over to check her as well. When she saw him, she stopped crying and cooed.

I laughed. "I guess she wasn't happy that she could hear you but not see you."

He picked her up. "It's not fun to be confused, is it?" he said to her. "Daddy's right here." He kissed her head and held her against his shoulder.

When I'd finished, we moved to the living room to play for a little while. Faith came in and laid down next to Josie's blanket for a little while. At two o'clock, we got some lunch and started talking about going outside.

"I think she'll be fine, babe," Jake said.

I sighed. "I hope so. What if it takes a while to set in?"

He shrugged. "Then we take it as it comes. For right now, we can't make a bunch of plans based on what might happen. Let's run through it again and see how it goes."

I nodded. He was right, of course. I'd been the one with all the talk about the test before she was born, but now that we were going through with it, all I could see was my sweet baby covered in a rash from the sun.

I changed Josie into a short-sleeved onesie and grabbed one of her blankets to cover her face. Jake took the timer, and we went out the back door. Like the two other times we'd done this, I bounced her impatiently for two minutes before the timer went off. We went back inside and waited for ten minutes. She was fine if not a little agitated by my mood. We did it again, going five minutes. After a full ten minutes, she was still as perfect as ever. A part of me couldn't believe it was that easy. Nothing was ever that easy. I took a deep breath and gave her to Jake. We had both agreed that if her skin passed three tests, we'd assume she hadn't inherited the allergy. My mind couldn't make it that simple. There was something I was missing. My dad had told me a few times over the years that he knew within the first week that I'd inherited it. Not only did I get a small rash, but I cried anytime I was in the sun.

"Are you okay, Ness?" Jake asked.

I shrugged. "I think so. I'm happy, Jake. Don't get me wrong, please. I'm immeasurably happy that she might not have it. But I'm scared because I have this awful feeling we're going to keep her out too long one day and it'll all backfire. I know how it feels. It wasn't ever real before, you know? Before she was born, I could be brave about it and think I could just teach her how to live with it. But now I look at her, and my heart literally breaks when I think of her as anything less than perfectly happy."

He nodded and gestured for me to follow him to our bedroom. We laid down with Josie between us. He touched my cheek lightly and leaned in to kiss me.

"I know what you mean, Ness. It's exactly what I've been afraid of for so long with being bipolar. There's no test we can do for that; it's just wait and see." He gave Josie his finger. She held onto it and kicked the mattress. "I'm still worried about it, but you were right all along. I know it's scary, but she won't be alone with it the way you or I were. If she does develop either one, we'll be here to help her. It'll suck pretty damn bad, but at least she'll know that she has someone to go to who can help her from their own experiences."

I wiped my eyes and leaned down to kiss Josie's head. His confidence made it sound so easy. It did make me feel better, though. She looked at me then and tugged Jake's finger to her mouth. Her big, beautiful blue eyes stared at me for a moment. I stared right back. No matter what happened, I'd be there for her as best as I could. I wasn't really sure how to be a good mom. I never had one to model myself after. I thought both Leah and Melanie were good mothers, though. Many of the girls I met in the birthing classes had older children. Although I didn't know them well, I still listened when they talked about how they raised their kids. I had people around me to help. On top of it all, I had Jake and my own intuition. He'd told me several times over the last few weeks that I knew what to do even if I didn't know it. I'd laughed at him, but I knew what he meant.

"Do you feel any better, babe?"

I looked up at him and nodded. "Yeah, I do. Thank you."

Josie yawned and scrunched her face with a cry. Jake scooped her up and sat up. "I think someone's tired again." He sniffed. "And stinky. Mom, you want to take this one?" He looked over at me.

I laughed and got up. "Daddy can't handle a little poop?"

"Daddy doesn't take shit from anybody."

I took the baby from him and chuckled as I walked to her room to change her and get her ready for another nap.

* * *

><p>Jake and I had a mini-party with Josie on March fourth. It was so strange to think she'd been with us for a whole month. I was nervous about the next week when Jake went back to work, but for now I was still taking advantage of having him home with me. For her first month, we decided it would be a good time to give her the first teddy bear. Jake wanted to give her a pink one instead of the blue his mother had given to him, so we went out and bought one as similar as we could find. The blue one went on the bookshelf in the living room next to his mother's picture.<p>

I held her in a sitting position on my lap while Jake held the new pink bear in front of her and told her about his mother and his bears. I held her arms out and helped her hug the bear. She wasn't sure what to do with it, but at least she didn't cry. It stayed in the corner of her crib when she took her naps.

Sunday was Jake's first day back at work. Josie was asleep when the alarm went off. I got up with him to take our pills and say goodbye. He was disappointed that he couldn't say goodbye to Josie, but I promised to have her awake when he got home. I was nervous about being by myself with her. Jake reassured me several times that I would be fine.

The first few hours went by smoothly. When Josie woke up, I kept to routine and fed and changed her. We played in the living room for a while before I got antsy and had to do something. I put her in her bouncy chair in the kitchen while I washed the few dishes in the sink.

It was after her first nap that she started to get fussy. She didn't sleep well like usual. Instead of a two-hour nap, it was only forty-five minutes. I did the simple, obvious things first like changing and trying to feed her. She wasn't interested in anything I had to offer. I started to worry after an hour of constant wailing. Something was wrong. I took a few minutes to breathe before I started the heavy troubleshooting. Another half hour later, I was close to tears. I laid her down in her crib and nearly tripped over Faith as I walked out of the room to get my phone.

I wanted to call Jake, but I didn't want him to worry and come home early if he didn't have to. I knew the moment I told him that she wouldn't calm down, he'd drop whatever he was doing. I would call him if I had to, but first I needed to make sure. I called Leah instead.

"Hey, babe, what's up?" she answered.

I took a deep breath. "Josie's crying and won't stop."

"Breathe, Ness. Babies cry; it's normal. Have you checked her over, fed her, all the normal crap?"

I nodded. "Yeah, but she's really upset. It's been over an hour."

Leah paused for a moment and clicked her tongue. "Jake's back at work today, right?"

"Yeah, his first day back." I sniffled.

"I'll bet she's just upset 'cause Daddy's not there. Both Josh and Hannah went through that phase after Sam went back to work. It's a change, and they're not happy about it."

I sighed. "So I can't just fix it?"

"Not unless you want to take Jake's job and have him stay home. Then she'll get upset because you're not home."

My heart melted at the thought of my baby missing me. "All right. I'll try to calm her down, I guess. Thanks, Leah."

"Anytime, sweetie."

We hung up, and I took another deep breath before heading back into the room to get my daughter. She was still crying, although it wasn't as strained as before. I picked her up, got one of our recent photo albums, and went out to the living room to go through them with her. She wasn't really interested, although she did seem a little distracted when I showed her pictures of her daddy.

"He'll be back today, Josie," I said. "I promise, baby; Daddy's coming back." My chest hurt when I said those words. _Daddy's coming back._ For her, they were true. Her daddy would always come back. For a moment, I felt a strong pang of jealousy. I closed my eyes and paused to realign my thinking. It wasn't fair or even remotely reasonable to feel that way. By the time we finished the photo album, she was mostly calm. She'd tired herself out, though, so we went through the routine again and I laid her down.

True to my word, I got Josie up thirty minutes before Jake usually got home. I had her sit in her bouncer just outside the kitchen so she could watch me make dinner. I kept it simple since I wasn't sure if I could go back and forth between her and dinner and not burn something.

Josie was starting to get a little fussy again just before Jake came home. I set the chicken salad on the kitchen table and got her out of her bouncer as he opened the door. I couldn't remember being so relieved in a long time. I realized as I walked up to him that I had missed him as well. I usually did, but this time I had other things to focus on. It felt nice to have him back.

"How are my girls?" he asked as he took his boots off.

I sighed. "We are very happy you're home."

He set the shoes aside and came up to take Josie. "Everything okay?" He bent to kiss me, then turned his attention to the baby in his arms. "Did you give Mommy a hard time today?"

"She missed you." My chest hurt again as I watched her stare up at him. The look on her face made it clear that she was content again. "I did, too, but she cried most of the day."

Jake pouted down at her. "You're not supposed to do that." She raised her arms and squealed. He chuckled. "Be nice to Mommy, okay?"

He kissed her head and took her with him to the dining room. He held her on his lap while we ate, then he gave her back to me so he could take a shower. Afterward, we played in the living room for a while until Josie got tired. I let him feed her and get her ready for bed, then we tucked her in together. We crept out of the room and went to ours.

"Are you okay, Ness?" Jake asked as I got ready for bed.

I shrugged. "I think so. I don't know. She scared me today, but I think we'll be okay. Now that I know why she was screaming, I can try different things to calm her down."

He nodded as we got into bed. I snuggled up to him and draped my leg over his. He held me tightly and lifted my chin to kiss my lips. "You can call me, babe. Whatever's going on, you can call."

"I know; I just didn't want to bug you. You can't tell me you wouldn't have just come home."

"Maybe I would have, but then she would have stopped crying."

I propped myself up on my elbow. "True, but she's going to have to get used to you being gone while you're at work. I'm going to have to learn how to take care of her by myself when you're not here. I know I can always call if I need you, and I promise I will, but I'm not going to always jump to the conclusion that it's not something I can take care of. I called Leah; she talked me through it and suggested it was the change of routine."

He nodded again and rubbed my back. "I understand what you're saying, babe, and I know you're right. But still, call me. At least let me know."

"Are you really sure you want me to do that? You'll just worry all day and either come home early because of it or be upset by the time you do get home. I know the first little while is going to be hard for everyone, and I know you want to know every little thing she does. Think about it for a minute, though, okay? She gets fussy, and you get worried. I don't want to make your day harder if I don't have to."

He looked up at the ceiling for a minute before he answered me. He grunted and looked at me again. "You'll call me if you need help? Anything? Honestly, Ness, I'd rather you call me than Leah. I'm selfish like that."

I smirked and leaned down to kiss him. "If you'd rather I call you first, then I will."

He nodded. "Yeah. I can kind of be objective. Maybe. At least the first few weeks, Ness. Call me possessive, but she's my daughter, and I want to be the one you ask for help."

I probably should have realized that earlier and called him. "I promise you'll be the first person I talk to if I have questions or can't handle something on my own."

He pulled me down on top of him. "Thanks, babe."

I straddled him and laid down on his shoulder. "Yep. Love you, Jake."

He kissed my head and nudged my side to get me to move. I shifted enough to lay at his side and wrapped my arm and leg around him. "Love you, too. Night, babe."

* * *

><p>AN: Thanks so much for reading!

So those notes I talked about . . . If you've been paying attention to what's going on in FFn, you're probably aware of the massive removal of stories based on content and rating. I'm actually pretty surprised my stuff hasn't been touched. I'm also pretty confident that it will be at some point. I am not going to do anything proactively to make that happen; however, I am making backup posting plans in case it does. As of yet, I don't have anything set for sure. I'm toying with a few ideas when I have time. I'll certainly let you all know for sure when I decide. Whatever happens with my FFn shit, I'll find a way to let my readers continue to read.

I've planned about three more chapters for this story, possibly four. Between this and Medium, I don't have an updating schedule. I'll write whichever one inspires me at the time, and hope it doesn't take too long to post an update on either.

Thanks so much to all of my readers who have stuck with me; I know it's difficult to stay with a story that doesn't update regularly. I wish I could tell you effectively how much it means to me that some of you are still around. Hugs and kisses!

I'm on Twitter and Tumblr – SheeWolf85


	13. Collide

A/N: Not much to say. Thanks so much for sticking with me, and I hope you enjoy the chapter! Special thanks to WolfGirl1335 and ReneeFF for pre-reading!

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><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Thirteen

Collide

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
>Even the wrong words seem to rhyme<br>Out of the doubt that fills your mind  
>You finally find<br>You and I collide_

-Collide – Howie Day

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><p><em><strong>Jacob<br>**__One Month Later – April, 2015_

It bugged me not being able to see my girls all the time. Carl tried to call me soft one day when I complained that Ness hadn't called or texted me. He shut up real fast when I threatened to fire his ass.

The time apart got a little easier to deal with as the weeks passed. Still, my heart just couldn't calm down in the afternoons until I heard from Ness saying she and Josie were doing okay. She'd usually update me with a quick message about what Josie had for lunch. It was always what Ness had for lunch, just transferred by breast milk.

I didn't expect a call or a text every day, but it still ate at me when my phone didn't go off. I was sure Ness was just busy. I couldn't help but think of Josie crying and Ness unable to calm her down. I shook my head at myself and looked around the site. My girls were fine.

When I got home, I kissed Ness and took Josie into my arms.

"How was she today?" I asked.

Ness shrugged. "She was okay."

Something was off. "Just okay?"

She didn't look at me as she went into the kitchen to rinse out a bottle. "She was pretty good. We went to the store and stopped by Melanie's to say hi."

Josie squirmed and yawned. I smiled and kissed her head. "You and Mommy had a big day, huh?" I leaned against the counter to watch Ness for a minute. "How are you, Ness?"

She hesitated a moment before she turned to look at me. Her eyes were worried. "I don't know."

I rearranged my hold on Josie so I could reach out with one arm to Ness. She came to me, and I hugged her to my side. "What's wrong?"

She sighed and lightly touched Josie's arm. "I'm getting depressed, I think. I don't want to. I want to be happy and everything the way a new mother should be, but I can feel it in my gut." She turned slightly to bury her face in my shirt.

I hugged her tightly. "It is April, babe. So far you're doing great."

She nodded and pulled back. "I'm worried about . . . you know. I don't know, Jake." She stepped away and ran her fingers through her hair. "I know how I get this month, and I'm worried someone will think I'm . . . God, I don't know how to explain it."

I took Josie to the living room and put her down in her swing. Ness was still in the kitchen. I went back, took her hand, and brought her back to the couch with me. "Come here, babe." I sat down and pulled her onto my lap. She curled up and planted her face in my neck. "Don't worry about what anyone thinks, okay? You're a wonderful mother."

"But what if I'm not this month?" Her voice was muffled against my throat.

"You are. I know April's a bad month, Ness, but that doesn't mean anything. Trust me, baby; you can do this."

She sucked in a deep breath and nodded again. "I'm trying."

I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed the side of her head. "I know. You're amazing, Ness."

She finally pulled back and smiled at me. "Thank you."

I kissed her lips and squeezed her lightly. I was about to say something when Josie started to get fussy. I smiled and patted Ness' hip. She got up and let me get our daughter.

"Had enough sitting around, huh?" I asked her. She grunted a few times and yawned again. I turned to Ness. "Did she sleep much today?"

"I tried to keep her on the same schedule, but she didn't want to sleep after lunch. So I guess not really. She did take a short fifteen-minute nap at Melanie's, though."

I nodded. "She must be tired, then. Do we have plans for dinner?"

"Not really. It's kind of a scrounge night."

"All right. I wonder what Josie wants for dinner." I took her to the kitchen and got a bottle out of the fridge for her while Ness got stuff out to make a sandwich. She offered to make one for me, too, and I accepted. When the bottle and the sandwiches were ready, we went back to the living room to eat. A full bottle and a few burps later, I took her to her nursery to change her and get her ready for bed. Ness said goodnight, then I let her go do her thing while I read Josie a Dr. Seuss book. She didn't care for it; she was too tired to pay much attention.

"No books tonight?" I asked. "But Daddy likes reading to you. You could muscle through one book, you know." She just yawned again. I smiled and kissed her forehead. "I know. I'm cranky when I'm tired, too." I got up to get her blanket, then cradled her in my arms and draped it over her while I rocked in the glider. "I guess this is goodnight, then." She squirmed into my chest and gurgled a few times before she settled down. Fifteen minutes later, she was out. I laid her down in her crib, started her music, and quietly left the room.

Ness was in the living room reading when I walked out. She looked up at me and smiled. "Is she asleep?"

I nodded and sat next to her on the couch. "Yep. She wouldn't let me read to her." I pouted.

She put her book down and slid over to my side. I put my arm around her and kissed her lips. "We did a lot of reading today, mostly at the store when I'd tell her what the signs said. Melanie introduced her to _Dora the Explorer_, too."

I cringed. "She didn't like it, did she?"

Nessie shrugged. "Maybe. I think she liked the bright colors."

"Was it the TV show or the books?"

"The books. I helped her do the movements to march like an ant and dance like a snake."

"I guess that's okay. Just don't bring any into the house, okay? I'll be forced to burn them."

She smiled. "They're not bad, Jake. They teach kids to speak Spanish."

I raised an eyebrow. "They also teach kids to run around without their parents and talk to strangers. And don't even get me started on the screaming." I shuddered.

She snuggled a little closer. "It's good for their imaginations. Besides, Leona says her older daughters love it, and they're well behaved."

Leona was some chick we'd met in the birthing classes. "Her older girls are only four. Give them time; we'll see their true nature soon enough."

Ness laughed. "You make it sound like they'll turn into little demons."

"They might; you never know."

She hummed. "Well, until then, I see no reason to keep _Dora_ books away from Josie."

I shrugged. "All right. But don't expect me to read them to her. I'll leave that horror to you."

She kissed my neck. "By the time she's three, you'll probably be watching the episodes and singing along."

I scoffed. "If that ever happens, you can declare me legally insane and have me committed."

She laughed again. "I'll remember you said that."

"Mm-hmm." I tilted her face up with my fingers under her chin and kissed her lips. "Are you tired, babe?"

She sighed. "Very. I'm sure we could fit a shower in before bed, though." She stretched up enough to kiss me deeply.

We didn't get a chance to do much in the shower. Halfway through, we both heard Josie wake up. Ness' hair was still smothered with conditioner, so I got out to get her. Something in the way she screamed didn't sound right. It wasn't a hungry cry or even an uncomfortable cry. I picked her up and cradled her. It seemed to soothe her a little. Her little cheeks were wet, and it broke my heart to see how scared she looked.

"What's the matter, my Josie?" I asked. "What happened?" I held her a little more securely and gave her my finger as I walked around the room. "That was hardly even a nap." The more I walked, the more she seemed to calm down.

Nessie came in a few minutes later, her hair still wet and hanging down around her shoulders. "Is she okay?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, I think so. I think she just woke up and didn't like it."

Ness lightly touched Josie's hair and kissed her forehead. "My poor baby. Go back to sleep, my angel."

It took a diaper change and another half hour of pacing to get her to sleep again. Once I laid her back down, I turned on the music again and the monitor. Ness was in the bathroom brushing her teeth when I went to find her.

"She's out again."

She finished and turned to press herself against me. She took a deep breath and looked up at me. Her eyes were wide and concerned.

"Can babies have nightmares?" she asked. Her voice was tight.

I knew what she was thinking. The possibility made me feel a little ill, but logically I knew it couldn't happen. I took her hands and led her to the bed where we laid down. I pulled her up close and kissed her lightly.

"I don't know. I remember reading something about babies dreaming even when they're still in the womb, so I guess it's possible. But Josie wouldn't have nightmares like yours, baby. Trust me, okay? You have them because of the PTSD. _If_ she has bad dreams, they're the normal kind that everybody else has. I promise."

She nodded against my chest. "I don't ever want her to hurt like that, Jake. Promise me she'll be okay. She won't have to hurt like me."

I squeezed her tightly and kissed her ear. The mere thought of our baby girl going through half the shit Ness had gone through even just since I met her made my heart hurt in a way I'd never felt. It was half pain and fear, and half pissed off and protective. I'd be damned if I ever let anything happen to make Josie feel like that. "Never, baby. She's going to grow up happy and healthy." We both knew it wasn't a promise I could really make, but neither of us cared.

* * *

><p>Throughout the next week, Nessie seemed to fall further into depression. She told me a few times how she felt like she had to keep up appearances with our friends, even though she didn't go out often. I hated that she felt like she had to put up a front for people. I supposed I should have been happy she didn't do it with me. She probably knew I'd see right through it. I did what I could to help her.<p>

Sunday was the twelfth; the day before the anniversary of her dad's death. We usually went to the cemetery after the sun set to give Ness more time to visit her dad. We were both concerned about keeping Josie up that late, so we made the decision to go during the day and just cut the time short.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" I asked.

Ness looked at me as she packed Josie's diaper bag. "I think so. I can go back again later in the week if I have to."

I nodded and kissed her head then went to get Josie.

The trip was the same in a lot of ways, but so different because of Josie. Nessie took a few minutes to explain who Edward Masen was and why we were visiting his grave. I took over when she started to cry. She traced his name a few times like always before it was time to go.

That night after we put Josie to bed, Ness planted herself next to me on the bed and cried hard. Her breakdowns weren't really breakdowns anymore. She still had one on occasion, but they weren't as intense as they had been. I still held her and soothed her as best as I could until she calmed down. She was asleep before long. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep as well.

I woke up to Faith jumping on my stomach. I pushed her down and grumbled at her. "You have to find a better way to wake me up, Dog." She jumped up by my feet and whined. "Yeah, I know." I turned to Ness and sighed when she whimpered. Even though I was expecting a nightmare tonight, it was still disappointing. I rubbed my face and reached down to pull Faith away from Ness until I knew which dream she was having. My heart fell when she started to struggle with herself and screamed. "Fuck." I just prayed it didn't last long.

I sat up on the edge of the bed and tried to ignore the pit in my stomach that said I had to do something to help her. It never got easier to listen to her scream, no matter how scarce these dreams were. Only a few minutes into it, Faith's ears perked up. She whined and ran out of the room. I realized why a few seconds later when Josie started to cry. I closed my eyes tightly. I couldn't leave Ness. She needed me. But my daughter . . . Fuck.

"I'll be right back, Ness." I knew she couldn't hear me.

Every part of me was tense as I walked into the nursery to get Josie. I was supposed to be in there for Ness. That was how this nightmare thing worked. It was the first one she'd had since Josie was born. I picked her up and tried to get her to quiet down, but it didn't work. I could only assume that she heard her mother and was scared. Knowing that didn't help me any. I sat down in the glider and took a few deep breaths to keep it together. Ness finally woke up a few minutes later. I wanted to run in there, but Josie was still crying. Her little face scrunched up as she put everything she had into every single wail. I wasn't sure what to do to make her stop. I didn't usually have to work hard to calm her down. I sat staring at her and the tears falling from her eyes, and I had no fucking clue what to do next.

"Jake?" Ness cried. She sounded lost.

I cleared my throat. "I'm with Josie."

I heard a thump followed by Ness' footsteps. She came in and ran her fingers through her hair. "Is she okay?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Are you?"

Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean you don't know? What's wrong?" She came up and took Josie from my arms. She bounced her a few times, which seemed to help. I sat and watched her as she changed Josie's diaper. A moment later, she turned to me. "I'm going to feed her."

I nodded numbly. Faith followed them out the door. I listened as Ness talked to our baby girl about what happened. She explained why she was screaming and that she didn't need to be scared. It took me a while, but somehow I realized that Ness really was okay. I also realized what I'd done when I got Josie. I hadn't even tried to calm her down. I had to wonder what would have happened if Ness hadn't come to get her. Would I have just sat there and let her scream? I didn't want to think that.

I forced myself to get up and join my girls in the living room. Ness looked up at me when I sat next to her. I touched her cheek, still moist from her tears. "Are you okay?" I asked.

She nodded and gently scooted over to fit herself under my arm. "I'm okay. She was in the kitchen. I tried to fight her off." She shivered.

I hugged her and kissed her head. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up."

She sighed and turned into me a little more. "You had to get Josie."

"I'm still sorry."

She looked up at me and kissed my jaw. "It's okay."

When Josie was asleep again, Ness laid her down and came back out to the living room with me. She sat on my lap and curled up. We talked a little bit about her nightmare and how she might change it. I felt a little better about it knowing that she really was okay. I needed to hear it almost as much as she did.

She sat up a little more on my lap and put her hands on my shoulders. "What about you, Jake? Are you okay?"

I shrugged. "I'm fine."

She looked skeptical. "Are you sure?"

I took a deep breath and shrugged again. "I don't know. I didn't know what to do when both you and Josie were screaming. I should have done more for her." I shook my head.

She put her hands on my face and kissed my lips. "I'm sorry you had to deal with both of us freaking out. You did what you should do, Jake. You got her."

I looked down. "Not really. I mean, you saw me. I didn't know what the fuck to do."

"You didn't let her stay in there alone."

"Yeah, but then you were alone."

She made me look at her and kissed me again. "Jake, listen to me. You did exactly what you should have done, and I'm proud of you for leaving me to get her. Yes, you could have changed her or whatever, but given the circumstances, I think you did great. In the future, if something like this ever happens again, I want you to remember that I'm going to be fine. I'll wake up and everything will be okay. Don't make it a choice, okay? Josie is top priority."

I nodded, but I didn't feel much better. "I kept thinking of you waking up alone and getting scared."

She shifted a little to straddle my lap. "I was a little afraid when you weren't beside me like usual." That didn't help. "But I understood why when you said you were with Josie. Even if I couldn't talk to you about it immediately, it helped to have something take my mind off of it for a minute."

I kissed her and pulled her back down on my chest. "It's my job to protect you, Ness."

She nuzzled against my neck. "You do such a wonderful job of it, too. It's because of you and all of your help that I don't have them that often anymore. This was the first one in almost three months."

"I think therapy and you being amazing has more to do with that than I do."

She sat up again. "Jake, the point is that you did fine. I don't think anybody could expect you to know exactly what to do in a situation like that. It's not like you left her in the crib to cry. She at least had the reassurance that her daddy was there, even if her mommy was still screaming. Stop beating yourself up, please. It hurts me when you do that."

I met her eyes and thought about what she'd said. I knew she was right. "It still felt like I was choosing. I can't choose between you and her, Ness. You're both too important to me."

She smiled. "Like I said before, don't make it a choice. We both know I'm going to wake up and be okay. She's the one that really needs you in that situation. Okay?"

I kissed her. "Okay."

She laid back down on my chest and yawned. "Can we go back to bed?"

"Yeah." I was pretty damn tired, too.

The next day was hard for Ness. She'd been so strong the night before, but it seemed to disappear by morning. I did exactly what she told me to do, and I made sure Josie was well taken care of even if it meant leaving her alone for a few minutes. It felt so wrong leaving her when I knew she needed me, but it wasn't as hard today to rearrange the way I looked at things. This was a phase that happened every year. In a few days, Ness would be okay again. Josie, on the other hand, had more immediate needs. Ness helped when she could, and together we got through the day.

The rest of the week went smoother than the one before it. Ness was still depressed, and it seemed to get worse when she did get out of the house. I made the decision on Friday after therapy that I was going to take her somewhere for her birthday. We could both use a little time away. I talked to Leah first to make sure she would be okay watching Josie and Faith, then I brought it up with Ness.

She looked at me with a weird look. "Where do you want to go?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. There are some pretty nice hotels around here, though; we could start there."

"Start there? How long do you want to be gone?"

"I just meant start looking there. I was thinking maybe a day or two. Not really long, babe."

She nodded. "And Leah's okay watching Josie?"

"Yes, she is." I wasn't really thrilled with the idea of leaving our daughter, either, but I knew she'd be fine with Leah. Taking her with us would defeat the purpose of getting away. A part of me felt guilty for thinking that, but I figured we could plan some kind of family thing later in the year. Ness and I really needed some alone time.

"And it will just be us; you and me?"

I nodded. "We don't even have to tell people it's your birthday."

She kind of glared at me, but I could see the smile she was trying to hide. "You better not."

I pulled her close to me and kissed her. "You know I wouldn't do that, babe. So what do you think? Can I take you away to celebrate?"

She licked her lips and pulled back a little. "Yeah, I guess. Let's look into it and see if we can find a good place to go. I'm nervous about Josie."

"I am, too, but she'll be fine. You know Leah and Sam will take good care of her."

"I know. I'm still hesitant to do it."

I kissed her again. "We have some time to think about it."

After some research, I decided to take her to the Royal Palms Resort and Spa. I was excited about it until we were packing Josie. We'd be gone for two nights. Two full nights away from our baby girl. It felt forbidden in a terrible way. I looked over at her in her bouncer seat. She was kicking her legs as she reached up to try to get the toys dangling above her. Two nights suddenly seemed like a lifetime. I wondered if this was really a good idea.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I reminded myself why I wanted to do this in the first place. Ness came in and smiled at me as she put a cooler bag full of bottles of milk in Josie's things. It was the last thing we needed to add. She stared at it for a second, lightly touching a folded blanket sleeper. I watched her silently. My eyes trailed down her body to her feet and back up to her auburn hair pulled up in a clip. Her lips trembled, and she finally zipped the suitcase shut.

I took a step closer and pulled her into my arms. "It'll be okay, Ness," I said softly. "This will be good for us."

She nodded against my chest. "I know it will be, but I feel like I already miss her." She stepped away from me to get our baby girl.

I walked to them and bent to kiss Josie's head. "Think of how much fun she's going to have with her cousins." Leah and Melanie were Josie's unofficial aunts while Sam and Izak had become the uncles.

"Joshua does love her."

"See, babe. She'll be fine." I wasn't sure if I kept saying it more for her or for myself. I knew she would be great, but I also knew exactly what Ness meant when she said she already missed the baby.

Somehow, we managed to get everything else ready and leave the house on time. We made it to Leah's just after four o'clock. It was hard for both of us to say goodbye, but we did it. We got to the hotel and checked in by five-thirty, then we called Leah to make sure Josie was still okay.

"This will be good for both of you, Jake," Leah said. "You need couple time if you want to keep your marriage strong. Believe me, I know how hard it is, especially the first time. Think of how much this will help Ness, though. You too, but I know you're doing this mostly for her."

I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair. "Yeah, I know."

Even with the reassurance, neither of us really relaxed that night. A small part of me loved the silence and the freedom that being away brought, but the bigger part said that wasn't right. I shouldn't feel like that. I pulled Ness close to me in bed and kissed her.

"I love you, baby," I said softly.

She smiled, but it was distracted. "I love you, too."

"You okay?"

She sighed and met my eyes. "Yeah, I'm just worried."

"Me, too. A part of me wants to go back home right now."

"Same here, but I'm also really excited for this. It feels nice to be alone again. I think I should feel bad for feeling like that, but then I remind myself that it's just temporary. We'll be together again the day after tomorrow."

I knew she was right, and I did feel a little better when I put her perspective on things. We laid together quietly for a long time before I noticed her eyelids drooping. "Getting tired?"

She nodded and snuggled a little closer to me. "Very tired. It's a good thing we have another free night to play, because I don't think it's going to happen tonight."

I rolled over to my back and flipped the switch by the headboard to turn the lights off. "It's okay. You just can't wear any clothes tomorrow. Goodnight, babe." I kissed her head and settled down.

She laughed and hugged my chest. "Goodnight, Jake."

The next morning, I let Ness get dressed so we could go down to the spa. I hadn't been sure if I really wanted a massage, but I decided to do it after the look she gave to me. She didn't want to go in alone, and I couldn't blame her. I had to laugh when we walked in and there was a sign on the door telling patrons that it wasn't a "happy ending" facility.

Ness furrowed her brow. "What does that mean?"

I put my arm around her shoulders as we got closer to the desk. "It means they won't jerk me off here."

She glared up at me. "They damn well better not. That's my job."

I smiled brightly and turned my attention to the blushing girl behind the counter. Overall, the experience wasn't terrible. It was pretty easy to tell Ness felt better when we left. She wanted to go swimming, but since we couldn't thanks to the sun, we went back to the room and took a bath together.

"It's not swimming, but it might as well be," I said. The bathtub was fucking huge.

Ness smiled and rested against my chest. "It's better than that, because we get to be alone and naked together." She sighed happily then stretched up to kiss my lips.

My hands skimmed down her back to her hips. "I like that part the best."

She nodded. "Me too." She parted her legs so she was straddling me and looked at me through her lashes. "How many times do you think we'll be able to make love before we have to leave tomorrow morning?"

"As many fucking times as we want." My dick was already hard. I reached between us and lightly touched her pussy. She moaned happily and kissed me deeply. I fingered her for a minute to make sure was nice and wet before I pushed her back far enough to reach over the side of the monster tub and get the condom I'd had enough foresight to put on the table there. She helped me put it on then sat up a little to get situated. She leaned over and kissed me again as she started to rock gently. The water sloshed all around us, but neither of us cared.

"We need to make more time for this," she breathed. "God, it feels so good."

I grunted and wrapped my arm around her waist to help her come down harder. "It'll be easier when Josie actually sleeps through the night. Fuck, Ness." I moved her wet hair out of the way to kiss and bite her neck. She tasted so fucking good. Her hands gripped my hair and she moved to push her face into my neck.

"Jake . . . Dammit . . . Don't stop."

I pushed her sides to get her to sit up just a little bit. It was enough to reach between us and rub her clit. She gasped and gripped the side of the tub as she bucked her hips against me. It wasn't long before her body tensed up and froze for half a second, then her pussy tightened around me. I groaned and pulled her down flush with me. She was panting as she started to move again.

"Your turn, Jake," she said with a grin. "Cum for me."

It didn't take long. She was too fucking sexy writhing on top of me. I gripped her hips tightly and swore when my release hit me hard.

We relaxed in the tub for a few minutes to catch our breath. I noticed the water level was considerably lower than it had been when we started. After a moment, she kissed my jaw and started to get up. I followed her.

We'd managed to splash most of the water out of the bathtub and onto the floor. We both laughed, and I held her arm to make sure she didn't slip. We dried off just enough then I took her hand and led her to the bedroom. We had reservations at the restaurant lounge for dinner, but we had time for a nap beforehand. Ness nuzzled her face against my chest and sighed contentedly. I tightened my arm around her and kissed her head.

"Ness?" She looked up at me and hummed. "Happy birthday."

She smiled and kissed me. "Thank you."

* * *

><p>AN: Thank you for reading!

For those of you interested, I have converted many of my fics into PDF files that you can download. You can find them on my website, sheewolf85 . weebly story-pdfs. I am still working on it, so it's not a complete collection yet.

Blood Moon has been nominated for best "Spin that Spawn" award. Voting will be open until July 22nd. Go to jacobblack-n-pack . blogspot . com to vote!


	14. Life is Wonderful

A/N: How's about a little Christmas in August? I'm so sorry for the wait on this chapter! Life is crazy, that's all I can say. It turned out longer than I had hoped, though, and I was actually able to write a half-decent lemon! Yay! And just so you know, this will be the last lemon of the story :)

Special thanks to ReneeFF and WolfGirl1335 for pre-reading! *hugs and kisses*

Enjoy :)

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><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Fourteen

Life is Wonderful

_And it takes no time to fall in love  
>But it takes you years to know what love is<br>It takes some fears to make you trust  
>It takes those tears to make it rust<br>It takes the dust to have it polished_

-Life is Wonderful – Jason Mraz

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><p><em><strong>Renesmee<br>**__Eight months later – December, 2015_

"Ooh, I like this one." I held up the thin, lacy bra and wiggled my eyebrows at Jake.

He smirked and held up another one. It was see-through. "I like this one better."

Josie made a noise from her spot in the cart and reached out to grab what I had in my hands. She was sitting in the cart seat babbling and trying to reach everything within her grasp. I laughed and pulled it away. "No, honey. You don't get one yet. You have to wait about twelve years."

Jake coughed. I looked over at him to see his eyes had widened. "No, not twelve. Thirty."

"Jake, she can't wait until she's thirty to get a bra."

He scowled. "She can wait until she's thirty to get boobs."

I gave him a look. "Nice try. I got my first training bra when I was twelve. Most girls do."

"That's just wrong, Ness. Sick and wrong. Twelve?"

I shrugged. "It's the way the female body works. I'm sure if we had a son we'd be talking about erections."

"Yeah, well, boys have that problem from the time they're born, so you'd be used to it by the time he was twelve. Boobs are totally different."

I smirked. "Boobs are nothing. Wait until she has her first period, which she will probably get before she gets a bra."

He turned away. "Dammit, Ness, are you trying to freak me out? You get to handle all that bullshit, anyway."

I sighed. "Maybe, but you get to handle her first boyfriend."

He smiled that time. "That'll be easy; all it'll take is a loaded shotgun and a shovel."

I snorted. "That's why you're not allowed to have guns." I put the lacy bra in the cart and headed toward the baby clothes. Jake dropped the other one in as well and smirked at me. I rolled my eyes.

Josie was ten months old and growing like a weed. She was adorable and chubby like a baby should be. Her eyes had begun to darken. I was pretty sure they'd end up brown. Her hair had changed drastically around month six. All of her beautiful, black hair seemed to change overnight to bronze like mine. It was thick and straight and almost reached her shoulders. I couldn't help but play with it every chance I got. My favorite style was pigtails. She was amazingly tolerant even when I spent an hour styling and re-styling it for her. Jacob wanted to deny it, but I knew he liked to play with it, too. He usually chose boring things like a headband, though. I wanted to teach him how to braid, but it usually fell right out every time I tried.

"What else do we need?"Jake asked.

I shrugged and looked at the list Josie was holding for me. It was all crinkled and torn a little bit, but still readable. "We need a few more blanket sleepers, some laundry soap, and something for dinner."

He nodded and led the way to the sleepers. He and Josie already had a system when it came to buying her clothes. It had started a few months ago, and I saw no reason to change it. He picked out two and held them in front of her and told her what the colors were. One was pink with a little sheep on it and the other was green with a lollipop. She smiled a wide, toothless grin and kicked her legs as she reached out and wrapped a tiny fist around the green one's leg. He chuckled and kissed her head as he took it from her to put it in the cart. He was always proud of her, but there was a little extra something there when she picked whatever wasn't pink. Sometimes I could swear he was determined to raise a tomboy. He did it again, this time with a blue one and yellow one. She chose the yellow.

After we finished our shopping, we went home to eat dinner and get Josie to bed. She had finally started to sleep through the night after four months. Jake considered it his Father's Day present from her.

Joshua's birthday party was on Saturday the twelfth. I was one of the only ones happy for the blizzard we had. We bundled Josie up nice and warm, packed everything we needed, and went to birthday our nephew.

Josh was turning out to be one handsome kid. He was five years old, which seemed so strange to me. It seemed like Leah's complicated pregnancy was only last week. He was already over half as tall as I was; Jake and I were sure he'd be tall like his dad. Hannah, his sister, was a year and a half old and crawling around like she owned the place. She had her Grandma Sue's brown hair and blue eyes. Josie was just starting to crawl, and if I didn't know any better, I'd swear Hannah was teaching her all the tricks.

The birthday boy ended up having the time of little life. Although I was pretty sure Leah and Sam would hate us for it, Josh loved the insect examination kit we got for him. What had started with collecting worms as a toddler had grown into a fascination with all things creepy and crawly. It was of course meant for kids, but I refused to touch it. I even made Jake wrap it. I was doing better at not freaking out whenever I saw a bug in the house, especially when I was home alone with Josie and had to kill it to protect my baby, but I still contemplated calling Jake to come home just to do it for me.

After the party, we stayed for a while to help clean up. Leah asked me about our anniversary. It was hard to believe that Jake and I would be married three years this year.

"I don't know what we're going to do. Just be together, I guess. Have lots of sex."

"You should break out the role play equipment." Leah raised her eyebrows suggestively.

I furrowed my brow. "Role play?" I knew what she meant, but Jake and I hadn't ever done that.

She nodded. "Yeah. You know, pretend he's your cowboy or something." She licked her lips and looked over at Sam.

I smiled and glanced in the same direction at my husband. The men were playing with the children. I couldn't help but smile wider at the two big men with their baby girls in their laps. Sam was bouncing Hannah on his lap while Jake was pointing at something—probably a bug—on the window sill.

Leah's suggestion gave me an idea. I wasn't sure about going all out with the role play, but I had considered dressing up for Jake before. I knew he liked sexy lingerie, but I thought about taking it a few steps further. With Christmas coming up, I wondered if he'd like something like a sexy Santa thing.

"It's on Tuesday, right?"

I looked over at her. "What?"

"Your anniversary."

"Oh. Yeah, not this one, but the next; on the twenty-second."

She nodded. "Are you going to want someone to watch Josie? Sam got suckered into going out to his mom's the week before Christmas, so we'll be gone."

I smiled. "Don't worry about it. I'll talk to Melanie." It was nice to know I had friends and options.

She pulled me into a hug. "Thanks so much for coming out, Ness."

I hugged her back tightly. "You know I wouldn't miss it. And you can blame Jake for the bug thing."

She laughed. "Josh'll use it and love it, so it's okay."

When we went home that night, I talked to Jake about what we wanted to do for our anniversary.

"Is it really that close?" he asked as he let Faith in.

I glared at him. "If you tell me you forgot it was coming up, I'm going to hurt you."

He grinned. "Sounds exciting."

I snorted. "It won't when you're begging for mercy." Josie squirmed in my arms and started to fuss.

Jake came up to me and took her. She yawned and leaned into his shoulder. I might have had the upper hand when it came to training Faith, but he was almost always the cure to Josie's fits. There was no doubt she was a daddy's girl. I was okay with that. It took me a while to realize how jealous I really was. Once I finally figured it out, I felt terrible. How could I be jealous of my own daughter just because she had her dad? Wasn't I deliriously happy that we could be a family like this? I really was, and so I did everything I had to do to make that jealousy go away. I couldn't say it was gone for good, but it was so much easier to watch her smile and laugh or calm down for Jake.

We got her ready for bed, then we went to our bedroom.

"I know when it is, babe. I was waiting to see if you'd remember it." He paused and smiled at me. I knew he was joking with me. "What do you want to do?"

I shrugged and sat on the edge of the bed. He sat next to me. "I thought about getting some sexy Christmas lingerie, but then it seems silly to do that only a few days before Christmas."

"You could do it twice." He shrugged.

"I bet you'd like that."

"You know I would." He leaned in to kiss me. "Why don't we skip the presents and just have a quiet night here. We can do extra on Christmas if you want. You can give me sexy stuff as a combined present."

"Are you sure you're okay with that? You don't want special anniversary sex?"

He snorted. "Of course I do. I didn't say we could have a celibate night; I said a quiet one."

I pushed against him with my shoulder. "We're already married, so celibacy is out of the question anyway."

"Yeah, well, you know what I meant."

We talked about it more that night and decided to go with Jake's plan. Melanie watched Josie for us when the day came. We made fancy pork chops together, shared some wine, and made love most of the night.

As I laid on his chest that night, so tired and ready to sleep, Jake kissed my head. "So when do I get to see the special outfit?" he asked.

I smiled to myself and wondered why I'd even told him. Just because we had to plan things didn't mean I had to give away the surprise. "I haven't even bought it yet."

He sighed. "Do I get to see it when you do?"

"Nope. I can keep at least that part a surprise."

"But what if I want to see you get dressed up all sexy now?" He had a pretty good whine when he wanted to.

"I'm naked, Jake. You can't get much sexier than that."

He hugged me lightly. "That is true, but still. I want to unwrap you."

I leaned up to kiss his jaw. "Too bad. You have to wait until Christmas."

"Can you be my present I open on Christmas Eve?" He looked down at me and gave me his best pout.

I supposed I could give him that. "Okay."

He grinned. "Is it Friday yet?"

I snorted. "You have three more days."

The next few days were peaceful. I had started my business back up as soon as I felt like I could handle everything. I had two orders in as many days, which was nice but hectic at the same time. Josie was fascinated with my flowers. It was more difficult to do them in the winter time, but I managed.

Christmas Eve finally rolled around.

"So, what should we let Josie have for her Christmas Eve present?" Jake asked as we made dinner.

I shrugged. "I don't know." I looked over at her in her play pen and smiled. "What do you think?"

"I think her chew toys would be good. She bit me today." He held out his hand to show me the wound. It was already long gone.

"Like mother, like daughter."

He snorted. "Yeah, but you bite me good."

"I was referring to your scar, but okay."

He looked down at his arm and nodded. "You would be proud. She left indentations."

"All right, so we'll give her the teething rings."

"Chew toys."

I gave him a look. "Really, Jake? Faith has chew toys."

He smiled at me. "She's going to chew on them, Ness. Therefore, they are chew toys. Call them whatever you want." He leaned in to kiss me before he got some plates and went to set the table.

I sighed and looked over at Josie again. "Your father is impossible. Remember that." I heard Jake laugh from the other room.

After dinner, we set out the stockings on the couch for Santa then Jake read _'Twas the Night before Christmas_ to Josie. He wanted to make sure her first Christmas was as perfect as it could be, and that included the story his mother had read to him. I loved it. I sat next to him and watched her face as he read. Her wide, beautiful eyes went back and forth between the book and his face. She smiled and laughed whenever he changed his voice to laugh like Santa.

Finally it was time for presents. Jake gave me a look that said he was already looking forward to his gift. I leaned over to kiss him and told him to get Josie's present while I took her off his lap. He got the gift and crawled back over to us on his knees.

"This is very special, Josie," he told her. "Your very first Christmas present. Take it and tear the paper." He put it in her hands.

She stared at the box like she was trying to figure out what to do with it. It was small enough for her to pick up and shake. When it didn't make any noise, she put it in her mouth. I laughed and pulled it back.

"Like this, honey." I peeled off a part of the paper. "Rip it off."

She looked up at me then back at the box. Jake ended up helping her with all the paper and lifted the lid off the box for her to show her the prize inside. It was bright and multi-colored, which meant Josie loved it. She shook it around a bit before she realized she could chew on it. It was coated in slobber in less than ten minutes.

Jake sat next to me. "I was thinking I'd give you yours when you give me mine."

I smiled. "That sounds good."

"Should we do cookies?"

"Sure."

He nodded and kissed us both before he got up to get the plate of cookies from the kitchen.

"Shit."

I looked up to see Jake had dropped a cookie. Faith didn't let it stay on the floor for two seconds.

I clicked my tongue. "Should I tell you to watch your mouth?"

Jake looked at me. "No. Don't worry, Ness; you know her first word will be 'shit.' Or 'fuck.'" He smiled like he thought he'd be proud of that. He set the plate on the coffee table.

"I'm sure it will be." I wasn't too worried about it now, but sometime in the future I did want her to know when and how to properly use curse words. "Anyway, it's Christmas Eve, and we're supposed to be teaching her all about Santa and presents, not how to swear."

He chuckled and reached out to take her from my arms. She was still intent on chewing through the thick plastic of her new toy. "First things first, Josie. The fat man likes cookies, so be sure to put a lot out for him if you want presents. Milk's overrated; Santa likes vodka."

"Jacob." I reached out and smacked his arm.

He shrugged. "What? Should I tell her about how Mrs. Claus likes peach schnapps?"

I couldn't deny it. Mrs. Claus would drink a lot of peach schnapps if she didn't have to worry about how it would interfere with her medications. I supposed that meant it was a good thing I had a few reasons to moderate myself.

"No, you should just leave it at milk and cookies."

Josie held her toy out and shook it. It slipped from her little fingers and fell to the floor. I got it before Faith could and went to rinse it off. She started to cry, and I heard Jake trying to calm her. It didn't help until I gave her the toy back.

"I think someone's tired."

Jake kissed her head. "It's past her bedtime. Do you want to finish up here before we get her ready?"

I nodded. "Yeah. We'll be fast." I went to the kitchen and got a glass of milk to set out with the cookies.

Once we had everything set up as much as we could with Josie, we took her to her room to get her ready for bed. Jake changed her diaper and got her into her pajamas, then I fed her. After a few burps, it was bedtime.

"Sweet dreams, my little angel." I kissed her plump cheek. "Tomorrow you'll have all kinds of presents from Santa. I love you, baby." I gave her a little squeeze and handed her to Daddy.

Jake lifted her up to his shoulder and patted her back as he went to her crib. "Goodnight, little bug. Love you." He kissed her head and laid her down. She yawned and fussed a little. I saw Jake's smile as he pulled her thin blanket over her. He turned the monitor on, and we left the room.

He stopped in the middle of the hall and shot me an award-winning smile.

"Ready to play, Mrs. Claus?"

I smiled to myself and wrapped my arms around his waist. His hands went to my hips as he leaned down to kiss me.

"Yes, but only after Mr. Claus and I put out the presents for the little elf."

He kissed me again, deeper this time. "Okay, let's get it done then."

We went to the bedroom to get what we needed from the closet. I was surprised it all fit, but Jake had managed to find a way. It helped that the biggest items were disassembled in boxes. I worked on the stockings and other things set out on the couch while Faith tried to help Jake put Josie's walker together.

"Go stand guard over your baby," he told her. I smiled to myself. Of course the dog didn't budge; she was too curious.

Once I was done, I went to see what I could do to help him. We had two big things from Santa for Josie; the walker was pink and shaped like a little car. Jake thought it was the cutest thing aside from the color. We agreed on it because I let him get her a Lego table with big blocks where he could help her build things. It didn't take too long to put everything together and get the rest of the presents under the tree.

"So are we done?" Jake asked. I loved the gleam of anticipation in his eyes. Knowing that he wanted me like this after all these years never got old.

I nodded and stepped up to him. I reached up and touched his cheek lightly. "We're done. Give me five minutes to get ready."

He groaned. "Do I have to?"

"Do you want to see the outfit?"

"I've seen it. It's nice."

Sneaky little beast. I should have hidden it better. I sighed. "I mean, do you want to see it on me?"

He paused for a second before he nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"Then yes, you have to give me five minutes."

He grabbed my waist and pulled me close. He kissed me, a slow, deep kiss that would have had my body throbbing in seconds if it wasn't already. "Make it fast."

I smiled. "I'll do my best."

He let me go, and I made sure to swing my hips as I walked away. I got the outfit out of the closet in the bedroom and went into the bathroom. I had been a little concerned that it would take more than my hands to get everything situated, but it was less complicated than it looked. Once I had the bra and panties on, I took a moment to look at myself in the mirror. The outfit was tiny; it barely covered anything. It was deep crimson red with white, fluffy trim that looked festive and sexy.

It had taken a while to get my body back after having Josie. I still had a few stretch marks, especially on my breasts and hips. They didn't bother me anymore. Jake had proven to me time and again that he still thought I was sexy. As a bonus, my breasts hadn't slimmed down like the rest of my body thanks to the milk and breastfeeding Josie. I smiled at my reflection as I ran my hands over the curve of my boobs and down my sides. Jake was going to like this.

"Are you about done in there?" he asked through the door.

"Just about."

I reached into the bag and pulled out the evergreen colored robe that went with the outfit. It also had white, fluffy trim. I slipped it on and tied it in the front. It was very short, but it covered what it needed to. I pulled the clip out of my hair and let it fall down my back. I fluffed it a few times and struck a pose in the mirror. I couldn't help but laugh at myself before I turned to leave the bathroom.

Jake was sitting on the edge of the bed wearing a pair of shorts. He smiled and me and held out his hand. I went to him and put my hand in his.

"Do I get to unwrap you now?" He started to tug at the tie around my waist.

I put my other hand over his to stop him. "Nope. You have to work me up to it."

He grinned at the challenge and stood up in front of me. "I better get started then."

I was excited to see what he would do. He slid one hand under my hair to my neck and leaned down to kiss me. His other hand rested on my hip to pull me a little closer. He pulled back just enough to meet my eyes. "Tell me something, Ness."

I licked my lips and let my fingertips tickle his chest up to his shoulders. "What?"

"Does this present want slow and steady unwrapping or should I get aggressive?" His fingers flexed on my neck. My heart rate sped up with excitement. This present wanted both.

"I can't tell you. You have to figure it out on your own." I knew him. He'd start slow and steady, but sooner or later his desire would get in the way and he'd give in to it.

His eyes darkened and he nodded. He didn't say anything else as he sat back down on the bed and parted his legs to pull me close. This way he could reach so much more of me. His hand on the back of my neck slid down the front of my robe. He moved slowly and took a path around my breast so he didn't touch me yet. I let my hands rest gently on his shoulders and tilted my head back as he kissed my throat. He knew all the right spots to turn me into pudding. I licked my lips and tried hard not to moan when he bit me where my neck met my shoulder. He kissed me softly down the part of my chest that was exposed by the robe. I didn't try to stop him as he slowly untied it and pulled it apart. I let it drop to the floor and watched his face as his eyes roamed over my body and the new lingerie.

"Goddammit, Ness." He sounded almost reverent. His hands slid up my sides and gently cupped my breasts. "I am a lucky son of a bitch." He pushed me back a little to stand up. Without another word, he leaned down and scooped me up. I gasped and grabbed his shoulders. He just smiled and turned to lay me down on the bed. He was still silent as he slowly got onto his knees beside me. He leaned in and kissed me by my ear.

"I love you," he whispered. It made me shiver. He leaned down and kissed my stomach. I reached down and ran my fingers through his hair. He looked up at me and gave me his sexiest smirk. "Should we see how much I can make you squirm?"

Before I could answer him, he shifted and moved down toward my feet. I realized what he meant when he started to slowly work his way back up my legs. His hands gently slid up while his lips and tongue followed. My whole body was throbbing and ready for a release by the time he reached my knees. He slowed down even more the closer he got to where I really wanted him. I tried parting my legs wider and even tugging on his hair a little, but nothing helped. It seemed he would almost stop whenever I tried to get him to speed up.

When he finally reached the tops of my thighs, I almost sighed knowing the need coursing through me was about to be satisfied. He surprised me, though. He skipped right over my panties and started kissing me up my stomach.

"Jake?"

He hummed against my skin. I tried to pull him up to me, but he didn't budge.

"Jake, I need you."

I felt his smile. "I know." He slipped an arm under me to unclasp the bra and pull it off. Although I couldn't regret what we were doing, I did wish I'd told him to get aggressive. I was going to combust at any moment. He gave each of my breasts all the attention they could want, but he wouldn't give me anything between my legs. I'd have been happy with his knee at this point. I reached between us and wrapped my fingers around his dick over his shorts in hopes that it would spur him on. I heard and felt his groan and smiled to myself.

"Please, Jake," I begged.

He moved up to my lips and kissed me deeply. I fisted my free hand in his hair to hold him there, but he still pulled back a moment later. "Please what? I'm just unwrapping my present."

I stroked him faster. "I'm unwrapped. Fuck me."

He sighed. "No, you're not." His hand slid down my side to my hip where he tucked a finger under the thin strap of my panties. "I still see wrapping."

I tried to keep from rolling my hips. His hand was so close. "Rip them off."

He grinned. "I thought you liked to pick the tape off and make it all neat and pretty."

I sighed. "Just take them off, please."

He kissed me again. "Okay."

Thank God. I whimpered when he moved down and hooked his fingers in the thin waistband of my panties. When he started pulling them off as slowly as possible, I reached down to try to help him along. He pushed my hands back.

"Nuh-uh, Ness. It's my present; you don't get to help."

I couldn't help but laugh, but it sounded more like a whine. "You're going to make be beg for it, aren't you?"

He kissed my hip. I whimpered. "Beg all you want; it might help."

What the hell happened to my husband? Jake was never this patient. I licked my lips and took a deep breath to try to calm down. He would give me what I needed . . . eventually. It seemed to take forever, but finally the thin panties met the bra on the floor. I had hoped that meant he'd strip off his shorts and make love to me, but instead of touching me or removing anything else, he moved up to lay next to me.

He kissed my cheek. "Now you're unwrapped."

I looked at him sideways. "So now what are you going to do with me?"

"I have a few ideas." He winked at me. "Just hang tight. I'll be right back."

He got up off the bed, and I stared after him incredulously. He went to the closet and got something off of his shelf; the one on top that I couldn't even see let alone reach. Whatever he got he hid behind his back as he came back to me.

"Remember when I said I'd give you your present tonight?" I nodded. "Well, here it is." He opened a bottle of some kind and poured what looked like oil in his hand then handed the bottle to me.

It was scented massage oil. I opened it again to smell it as he rubbed his hands over my legs. It was pumpkin spice and only served to turn me on even more. Knowing that he was probably dying for a release himself but holding off to please me more made me calm down a little and just enjoy what he was doing. He gave me a full massage but completely ignored my inner thighs and between my legs. He took his time with my breasts, though. When he was finished, he took my hands.

"Turn over, babe."

I raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes, really. Come on."

I complied. "Okay, but you do realize that you missed a spot, right?"

He moved my hair and kissed my neck. "I know. I promise your pussy will not be ignored. I'm just working up to it."

I liked the sound of that. I relaxed again and let him do what he wanted. Truthfully, he did have magic hands in every way possible. He was gentle where he needed to be but rough when he knew I liked it. He seemed to pay extra attention to my butt before he worked down my legs again. He ended with my feet, then he got off the bed. I looked over to see him taking off his shorts. Finally.

"Ready to fuck me now?" I asked.

He got a condom out of the drawer and set it on the mattress before climbing back onto the bed. I tried to turn around, but he stopped me. "I'm more than ready, baby. Stay like this."

I did as he asked and trusted him to know what he was doing. Even after three years, he still found a way to teach me new things. Each and every new experience was exciting, and this was no exception. He had me spread my legs. My body was throbbing so hard from everything that evening. I felt like I could orgasm just from his fingers lightly touching me, especially when he grazed my clit. I buried my face in the bed and clenched the blanket tightly trying to hold off. My hips ground into the mattress when he slipped a finger inside me.

"God, Jake. And I thought I was the one teasing you."

He chuckled and leaned over to kiss my cheek. "You did, baby. While I'm finishing your massage, will you suck my dick?"

It was a request I could happily accept. The rest of my massage didn't last long. I was so turned on it only took a few minutes before my whole body was overcome with a powerful orgasm. He pulled back and moved up to kiss my lips before he put the condom on. I licked my lips and watched him move around me and get into position. I moaned loudly when he pushed in. His hands on my hips pushed down as he began to thrust. I was pinned and helpless, and I loved it.

"Goddammit, Ness," Jake growled. One hand on my hip tightened while the other slid up my back to hold my neck. He thrust harder and leaned down to bite my shoulder. It caused me to moan louder. "Fuck, baby." It wasn't hard to tell he was already close to his orgasm. He bit me again, and I closed my eyes with a whimper. He growled again, a wordless sound that went all through me. I felt like I could cum again any moment. My legs started to shake and I reached up behind me to hold Jake's hair.

"Right there, baby," I begged. "Please don't stop."

His lips moved to my ear. "Let me feel you cum, Ness," he whispered. His panting breaths on my neck mixed with his lips and nibbles were the last straw. My body froze for a moment before the release rocked through me. I pushed my face into mattress and let it wash over me. Jake leaned up a little, his hands pushing me tighter to the bed, and he came along with me.

We were both motionless for a moment as we caught our breaths. When he got up to throw the condom away, I rolled over. He got on the bed next to me and collapsed on his back. I wormed my way up next to him and kissed his throat.

"I love you, Jake."

His arms wrapped around me tightly. "I love you, too, baby. Thank you for my present. I liked it."

I smiled. "I liked mine, too."

He kissed my head. "I'm glad. Dammit, woman, you tired me out."

I looked up at him. "Who tired whom out? I'm exhausted."

"Mm-hmm. Do you have any idea how hard it was to not strip you and fuck you?"

"I was wondering what happened to you. At first I thought maybe brainwash or body swap."

He chuckled. "It was an alien abduction."

I snuggled a little closer and lifted my arm over his chest. "I knew it was something."

"Merry Christmas, Ness." He hugged me again.

I wrapped my leg around his. "Merry Christmas."

* * *

><p>"Ness."<p>

I furrowed my brow and swatted at whatever was tickling my back. "Mmph."

Jacob chuckled. "Mommy's a sleepy head, isn't she? Go ahead and wake her up."

Jake's fingers were replaced by a tiny hand patting my shoulder. I smiled. I just couldn't ignore that. I sucked in a deep breath and opened my eyes to see my baby girl sitting on the bed next to me. Jake was laying on her other side and had his hand on her back. He held her hand and made her wave at me.

"Josie says 'Merry Christmas, Mommy.'"

I yawned and stretched before I sat up. "Good morning and merry Christmas to both my babies." I kissed her head before I kissed my husband. Josie reached out for something, and I smiled when I realized she was after my boobs. "Have you fed her?"

Jake nodded. "Yes, but I guess neither of us can resist your tits. She only had a half a bottle before she was done; she might still be hungry."

I made myself get out of bed, then I scooped my baby into my arms. "Ready for some more breakfast?" I asked her. "You have to let Mommy take care of business first." I handed her back to her daddy and headed to the bathroom.

Once Josie was fed and Jake and I ate breakfast, it was time to start Christmas. Josie went right to the Lego table and patted the sides of it excitedly. Jake and I sat with her for a few minutes to show her how to do it. I wasn't sure she understood, but she liked it anyway. She had no clue what to do with the walker. Her toes barely touched the ground even though Jake said it was on the lowest setting.

She had the time of her life going through her stocking. Jake and I had made sure everything was ready to be put in her mouth since we knew she'd do just that. She had to try out every single one of her six new binkies. She loved them, but Faith had a way of finding them and chewing them up. I got a little misty as Jake presented her with the final teddy bear from his mother. Josie had no idea how much it meant, but she did love it. Since we didn't like the idea of them all being in her crib with her while she slept, they stayed on a shelf in her bedroom and she could choose one to sleep with. So far she had a preference for the fluffy brown one with a red heart.

Once we were done with stockings, it was time to open the presents under the tree. Jake and I showed Josie what to do with her boxes again. She wasn't sure what to think of her new Christmas dress. I wanted to get her changed right away, but Jake talked me into finishing what we were doing first. He handed me a box.

"This is kind of a mixed anniversary and Christmas present."

I smiled and took it. The box showed a beautiful beveled glass jewelry box with a customizable quote on the top of it. I opened the box and laughed out loud at the quote Jake had put on it. "'Stay out of my shit.' That's perfect, Jake." Jake had no reason to get into my jewelry and there wasn't anyone else there, but I still loved it. It went well with the mug I'd gotten for him that just said "Fuck" on it.

Jake also got me a _Porn for Women_ book. "Really?" I asked. I looked through it and laughed when it was just pictures of handsome men with ridiculous quotes on the side. "'That is _so_ interesting. Please tell me more?' Jake, this is silly."

He nodded. "Yeah, but now you get to fantasize about hot men doing shit around the house."

I put the book down. "I have a hot man who does shit around the house. And don't tell me you don't. I've seen you do laundry and even a few dishes. And you help with Josie and put her to bed most nights."

He shrugged. "Yeah, but I don't say shit like . . ." He paused to pick up the book. "'You look stressed. Let me make you some tea and we can talk about it. Chamomile okay?'" He spoke in choppy sentences like he was trying too hard to be sweet and charming.

I scooted a little closer to him and leaned over Josie to kiss him. "No, but you do notice when something is bothering me and you corner me until I talk to you. Same difference."

"You get mad when I corner you."

"You do it anyway."

"True. So you're saying that I should be in one of these books?" He looked at it like he wasn't sure if it was disgusting or not.

I laughed. "No. You're mine, and that's how you'll stay. No other woman gets to fantasize over you."

"I'm sure women fantasize about me every day. I'm not invisible."

I pushed his shoulder. "Now you're getting cocky."

He pulled me back to him. "You love it."

Yes, I did. I kissed him one more time and turned to see Josie playing with her teethers. How could this get much better? I sighed happily and leaned back against Jake. He shifted and pulled me back against his chest. He moved my hair to the side and kissed my neck.

"Merry Christmas, baby." He kissed me again.

I turned my head and nuzzled against his jaw. "Merry Christmas. I love you."

* * *

><p>AN: Thank you so much for reading! Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long, but who knows. It will be the final chapter. *le sigh* Is anyone else as conflicted about that as I am?

Oh, and for anyone who doesn't know, that _Porn for Women_ book exists. I don't own it or any of the quotes inside it. Go to amazon . com to find it.


	15. Sigh No More

A/N: Is this really happening? I didn't think Jake and Ness' story could end. But here it is. I'll let you get on with it. Enjoy!

* * *

><p><span>Faith, Hope, and Love<span>

Chapter Fifteen

Sigh No More

_Love, it will not betray you, dismay, or enslave you,  
><em>_It will set you free  
><em>_Be more like the man you were made to be  
><em>_There is a design, an alignment, a cry  
><em>_Of my heart to see  
><em>_The beauty of love as it was made to be_

-Sigh No More – Mumford and Sons

* * *

><p><em><strong>Jacob<br>**__Five Years Later – February, 2020_

"Goodnight, Bug." I leaned over to kiss Josie's head.

"Goodnight, Daddy." She reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck. Her grip was surprisingly strong. I laughed as I nearly lost my balance, but I caught myself on the edge of her bed.

"Sleep well."

She kissed my cheek and released me. "You too." She yawned and let me pull her blankets up to her chin. I kissed her nose and turned to leave. She cleared her throat. "Daddy. The closet." She looked pointedly toward the door.

I smiled to myself and went to the closet. I knocked three times. "First and only warning; any monsters better leave now." I opened the door a second later and turned on the light I'd put in a few years ago. I made a show of checking all her clothes before I turned the light back off and shut the door. "No monsters, baby. You're safe."

She smiled happily. "Thanks, Daddy."

"Goodnight."

I didn't shut her door all the way. She preferred it open a crack so Ness and I could hear her if she needed us in the night. I went across the hall to find Ness getting ready for bed. She smiled her fake smile. I sighed and stepped up behind her.

"Are you okay, baby?" I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her up against me.

She looked back up at me and nodded. "I'll be okay."

I kissed her lips. "You know you can't lie to me. Your eyes still tell me the truth, even after all these years."

Her smile widened as she turned in my arms. "I'm not lying. I really will be okay. I just . . ." She sighed and rested her forehead against my chest. "I don't know."

I held her tighter and leaned down to kiss her hair. "I know, Ness. He was our friend."

Dr. Richard Furst had become so much more than a therapist, especially to Ness. He and I never really went past the usual doctor-patient first-name relationship, but Ness had built a real friendship with the man. He'd been diagnosed with cancer two years ago, and he'd lost the fight earlier in the week. Ness had insisted we attend his viewing. I told myself over and over again to trust her, but something deep inside wanted to keep her far away from the casket. I couldn't see how letting her see a dead body would be any good for her. She had done well, though, just like she said she would. I told myself it was normal to be sad in that situation. I was sad. But the look in her eyes now worried me. We both knew her PTSD would never go away. It would get better and worse, and she'd have bad days every now and then.

"Are we still going to the funeral tomorrow?" I asked. I'd taken the time off work for Josie's fifth birthday, and it just so happened that all this was in the same week.

She nodded against my chest. "Yes. I have to go." She looked up at me. She was nervous about it, but of course I couldn't blame her for that.

"I know, baby." I wished I could make it easier for her. I knew why it was so difficult. It wasn't just because Richard was important to her. It was because she hadn't been able to go to her own father's, and she wasn't sure how to justify going to a friend's. "Let's get some sleep."

She nodded again and pulled back to finish getting ready. She snuggled up to me on the bed and sighed. I kissed her head and listened to her breathing even out. It still didn't take her any time at all to fall asleep.

I laid awake for a long time thinking about the viewing that day and what would happen tomorrow. There was no doubt that Ness was doing amazing. Words couldn't express how proud of her I was. She was confident in herself and finally believed me when I told her she was fucking sexy. She wasn't ashamed of her condition anymore—either of them—and even took steps to educate people when they asked or joked about her allergy to the sun. She could talk to her close friends about her father and even let Leah, Sam, Izak, Melanie, and the kids celebrate her birthday with us. This year she was contemplating inviting some other friends. She still got choked up when someone she didn't know well asked about her family.

The past five years weren't all fun and games, though. We both had our hard times. I knew without a doubt that I was the luckiest man in the world when both Ness and our daughter forgave me after I lost my temper around Josie. Of course I didn't hurt her—I couldn't hurt her—but I scared her pretty bad. She was two and potty training. I'd known before it happened that I was upset, but I still insisted on staying home with Josie while Ness met with someone about an arrangement.

"How about grilled cheese for lunch?" I asked Josie.

She bounced and clapped her hands. "Yay! Gurrled cheese!"

Even the smallest of things could piss me off when I was in this mood. We were low on butter, which didn't help any. Josie was chanting a bunch of nonsense in the living room. Each high-pitched babble was grating and annoying, but I did my best to block it out. I barely noticed when she stopped.

"Daddy," she said. I looked up to see her standing in the kitchen.

"What?"

"Potty."

I sighed and nodded. "All right. Go on."

She had graduated to big-girl undies a few weeks prior, so Ness and I always took her a little more seriously when she said she had to go to the bathroom. She was two feet from the toilet when she stopped and looked up at me.

"Uh-oh."

God, no. "Uh-oh, what?"

"I had a accident."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I yelled. "Goddammit, Josie, why didn't you tell me you had to go earlier?"

She was already crying when I picked her up and took her to her bedroom to get her changed. I told myself to calm the fuck down and take a few minutes to breathe. I put her in a pull-up and told her to stay in her room until I told her to come out. I went back to the kitchen to finish getting her lunch ready. I couldn't say why I didn't see it coming. I probably should have. I'd left the sandwich on the stove too long and it burned.

"Motherfucker!" I tossed the sandwich and all but threw the pan in the sink. Ness had to be home soon. I went to the bedroom and sat down on the bed. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"Daddy?" If I hadn't been so fucking upset, I would have realized how small and scared she sounded.

I didn't look up. "Go back to your room, baby. Daddy needs a minute."

"But I'm hungry," she whined. She started to cry, and it was the last straw.

"Dammit, Josie, go back to your fucking room!" I stood up to take her back, but she ran before I could reach her. I didn't chase her. I shut my door and went back to the bed.

As the minutes passed and I started to calm down, I thought about what had happened. Josie was still crying in the other room. Even if I hadn't hit her, it was still everything I'd ever been afraid of when it came to being a father. I'd promised myself and Ness that I would try to keep it under control, and I'd failed.

I couldn't say how long it was before Ness got home. Josie had quieted down, but I heard her call out to her mommy before her little footsteps ran down the hall.

"Josie, baby, what's wrong? Where's Daddy?"

That was a good question. Where the fuck did Daddy go? I loved that little girl more than my own life, and I'd yelled at her like that.

"Jake?"

I sighed to myself and stood up. No time like the present to get my ass reamed. I could just imagine Ness' reaction.

She had been pretty pissed, like I'd thought. But she didn't take Josie and leave. She made me talk to her and tell her what had happened, then she made me apologize to Josie. Of course I was happy to do it; I would have apologized anyway.

It wasn't the only time I'd lost my temper around her. I did my best to make sure she knew I loved her. I told her about being bipolar. It was obvious Josie didn't really understand, but both Ness and I tried to make sure she knew it wasn't her fault when either of us had a hard time dealing with shit. I found it funny when Josie started to talk about a monster in the closet. I promised her that if it ever came out, it'd be dressed in rainbows. She didn't get it, but it did make her laugh. She felt better when I made sure her room was clear every night. For some reason, the closet monsters were more afraid of me than they were of Ness.

As difficult as things could get, the good times far outweighed the bad. Ness and I had each developed a thing we did with Josie so she could have special Mommy time and Daddy time. Mommy's time was looking through photo albums and teaching her about the weeds. Girly shit. I thought the picture helped Ness a lot, too.

My thing was broadening the little girl's musical scope and taking walks with Faith down to the park to play. It never failed that whenever we went, I'd get hit on by some chick or another. A few over the years even tried to slip me their phone number. It had gotten me in trouble with Ness until I convinced her I wasn't doing anything. Most of those women were unhappy at home and jumped when they saw a guy who gave a fuck about his kid. It was sad, but I wasn't going to let my family suffer because of it.

We also did a lot of things as a family. We had special movie nights where Josie got to stay up late to watch something with us. When Josie was two, we took our first family vacation to Seattle. After that, it became a yearly thing.

Leah and Sam had gone through a hard time two years back. Ness and I watched their kids for a few days while they hashed things out. Leah was talking divorce, but they managed to smooth things over and make it work again. I was happy to hear it; I'd gained a lot of respect for Sam after going through my own change into a family man.

I'd be lying if I said Ness and I never fought. Sometimes it seemed fighting was a part of our foundation. Sometimes it was her fault, sometimes it was mine. Then there the times when no one was to blame; we were just stressed. We always managed to come back together, though.

We had decided a few months ago that Josie needed a brother or a sister. I had always thought Ness would be the one to bring up that discussion. Technically, it was Josie, but I was the one that started the serious talk with Ness after the millionth time Josie asked for a little sister. Nessie was thrilled with the idea and confessed the only reason she hadn't talked about it sooner was because she didn't want to upset me. It amazed me sometimes how much both of us had changed.

We started trying not long after that discussion and hit the jack pot a week before Josie's fifth birthday. We waited to tell Josie on her birthday as a sort of present. She was thrilled like we knew she would be. She begged Ness to make it a little girl, so we had to go through the discussion about how neither of us could decide what gender we got. I gave her all the reasons a little brother would be just as good a little sister. I wasn't sure I convinced her, but either way, she was happy to have a sibling on the way.

Ness and I had talked quite a bit, and we decided we'd start looking for a bigger house. If we were going to have two kids, eventually they would need their own rooms. We could make do with what we had for the time being, but in a few years we'd be hating it.

"Daddy."

Josie's voice brought me back to the present. I looked over to see her little body in the doorway. "What's wrong, baby?"

She rubbed her eyes and took a few steps in. "I need a drink."

I kissed Ness' head and worked my way out from under her. She moaned softly and turned over, but she didn't wake up. I took Josie's hand and walked down the hall with her to the kitchen to get a drink of water. After a few sips and another monster sweep, she was back in bed. I went back to Ness and crawled in beside her. She squirmed again and let me wrap my arms around her. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Tomorrow was going to be a big day.

* * *

><p>I watched Nessie as she got dressed. I wondered briefly how wrong it was to have dirty thoughts about a funeral dress. Well, technically, about Ness taking off the funeral dress. It wasn't really that short—it went to her knees—but it was sexy. Maybe it was just because Ness was sexy in anything.<p>

A knock at the door pulled my thoughts out of the gutter. I pulled my shirt out of the closet and shrugged into it as Ness went to open the door.

"How do I look, Mommy?"

Ness smiled and bent down to adjust Josie's dress. It was a nice dark green that looked cute on her. "You look beautiful, baby. We still need to do your hair, though."

Josie scrunched her nose. "Do we have to?" she whined.

I chuckled to myself as I finished buttoning my shirt. "Of course we have to. You can't go to a funeral looking Cousin Itt."

She scowled at me. "I don't look like that, Daddy."

I went over to her and ruffled her hair. "Sure you do. Do you want me or Mommy to do your hair?"

She sighed. "Mommy does it better."

I put my hand over my heart. "That hurts, kiddo."

Ness smiled. "Get over it, Jake."

"Both my girls are against me?"

Josie smiled and followed Ness to the bathroom. "I'll let you do it tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded and let the girls finish getting ready. Ness left her hair down but braided Josie's down her back. Josie's hair color was a few shades darker than Ness', but they still looked so similar. She wasn't as pale as her mother, either. We blamed that on me, and I was okay with that. She also got her eyes from me. Ness' had always been a beautiful shade of brown. I'd hoped Josie would have them as well, but they just kept getting darker until they were almost black, like mine. She was still pretty short, even for her age. I figured she'd be short like her mother. If we ended up with a boy next, he'd probably be the tall one.

We were finally on our way a half an hour later. We had to show up a little late so Ness could stay through the eulogy. Some gave us dirty looks, but I didn't care. Richard would have understood. We listened as his wife, Dianne, gave a speech, and others got up to share a few words about the man. Ness wasn't sure if she was up for it. I didn't push her. I held her close to my side as Josie held her hand on her other side. She was nothing if not supported. I was starting to get a little worried about the sun when the pastor got up to read the eulogy. It didn't take very long. Ness was upset, though; I didn't want to keep her out much longer. I told myself to chill out and let her decide when it was time to go.

She stayed for a few minutes afterward to talk to Dianne, then we left. It was obvious from the tiny red splotches on Ness' arms that we'd stayed a little too long. Josie knew what it meant when Mommy's skin did that. When we got home, she went into the bathroom to get Ness' lotion. Ness gave her a hug and kissed her cheek before she put some on.

We all changed into more comfortable clothes and spent the rest of the day lounging. We watched a movie and played with Faith for a while then let Josie help us make dinner. She thought it was the best thing in the world when Mommy or Daddy helped her add ingredients to whatever we were making. We kept it simple and just had ramen noodles with sandwiches.

When bedtime rolled around, Ness gave Josie a bath and got her ready for bed. I was on the couch when the little girl came bouncing down the hall with wet hair. She had the brush and shoved it at me.

"Brush it careful."

I nodded and turned her around. I still didn't have the braiding thing down yet, but I managed. It was sloppy and crooked, but it would do. I tied it off and kissed her head. "Did you give Mommy hugs?"

"No, not yet." She disappeared down the hall. What I wouldn't give to have her energy. I stood up and followed her. After a round of hugs, we went to her room. She jumped in bed and laid down with her stuffed animals surrounding her. It made my heart happy to see all of the teddy bears my mom had given to me keeping my daughter company at night. I leaned over and kissed her head.

"Goodnight, Bug."

She kissed my cheek. "Goodnight, Daddy. Don't forget the closet."

"I won't." I walked over and knocked three times like always. "Any monsters around? Better leave." I opened the door and checked around. "Nope. You're safe, baby."

She smiled widely. "Thanks, Daddy."

"You're welcome. Sleep tight."

I left the door open a crack and went to Ness. She was already in bed. I got in beside her and pulled her up to me. She turned around in my arms and thrust her face into my chest.

"I'm here, baby."

She nodded and sniffled. "I'm so sorry, Jake. I feel like I was useless today."

I made her look up at me. "You're never useless. Josie and I understand, okay? We didn't expect this to happen this week."

She nodded again. "I know, but we still knew it was going to happen eventually. I remember the last time we saw him."

We'd gone to his house one day to check on him. I knew what cancer did to a person. I'd watched my mom deteriorate right before my eyes. Richard had always been a strong person, and it hurt to see him so weak.

"Remember the good times, too, baby. Think about how much he helped us and how good a friend he was." I hugged her tightly. "They say you shouldn't be sad at a funeral. You should celebrate their life and the fact that you had the chance to know them rather than mourn their passing."

She pulled back. "I know, but . . . he's gone now, so who am I going to talk to? I mean, I know I have you and our friends and everything, but Richard was . . . I don't know how to explain it."

"I know, baby. He was your therapist. Let's give it a while, and if you want, we can start looking for someone else. Don't misunderstand me; I know he can't be replaced. But if you think you still need someone to fill that role, we'll find someone."

She smiled. "Thank you." She snuggled up to me again and yawned. "I'm so tired."

I kissed her forehead. "Go to sleep, baby. I love you."

"Love you, too." She was asleep within minutes.

I had figured Ness would have a nightmare after the emotional day she'd had, so I wasn't surprised when she woke me up by smacking my chest. She was still asleep and deep into the dream. Faith was at my feet whimpering. I sat up to pat her side. "It's okay, girl. She'll be okay." I sighed when Ness whimpered and screamed. I got up to get a glass of water for her for when she woke up.

"Daddy?"

I turned around to see Josie standing in the kitchen behind me. "Hey, baby. Are you okay?"

She wiped her eyes and nodded. "I heard Mommy and got scared."

I picked her up and took her to the couch. She curled up on my lap. "Everything will be okay, honey."

"Why does she have those nightmares and scream like that?"

I sighed. "It's complicated, baby. Mommy's fighting her monster right now."

"Can't you just scare it away?"

I couldn't count how many times I'd wished I could. "You know how the monsters in your closet get scared and run away when I go in your room?"

Josie nodded. "Yeah."

I took a deep breath. "Mommy's monster isn't like that. It gets angry when I try to wake her up. I have to let Mommy wake up on her own." It was the best way I knew how to explain it to her without going into the psychobabble Dr. Furst had used to explain it to us.

"Will she wake up soon?" Her little hand grabbed my finger and held on hard.

"I think so, honey. Mommy's stronger than the monster; she just has to fight it."

Josie looked down for a second before she leaned in to me. "Do you have a monster like Mommy's?"

"Not like Mommy's, no."

"But do you have a monster?"

"Yeah." I kissed her head. "Do you remember how I told you I'm bipolar?"

She shook her head. "What is that?"

I ran my fingers through my hair. "You know how I have to take medicine every morning like Mommy, and how sometimes I get mad?"

She nodded. "More than just normal mad? Like when your skin gets hot?"

"Yeah. That's my monster."

"Daddy?" She sat up and looked at me. "Will I have a monster like yours or Mommy's when I grow up?"

My arms tightened around her protectively. "I really fucking hope not, honey."

She yawned. "Me, too."

We both looked when Nessie gasped and the screaming stopped. I put Josie on her feet, kissed her head and took her hand, and together we went to check on Ness.

* * *

><p>AN: Thank you so much to everyone who read GMAS and this story. Thank you to those who were around for the beginning and those who just joined. Thank you for loving and/or tolerating this story. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, even if they weren't exactly ecstatic. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Now that this story is over, I have nothing left to write! What am I going to do?! Oh, right, I'm going to write more. :) I'm not leaving, folks. You're stuck with me. Hehehe. I may even write more FHL outtakes, so stay tuned!

On that note, I say TTFN.


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